Changes

My oh my at the changes around my house. I am feeling excited, overwhelmed, nervous, excited, tired, excited. I know that we are experiencing the puzzle pieces of Gods plan for our family. Right now we are having to navigate without seeing the whole picture but at least we are being led by the One who has orchestrated it all along.

I have been hesitant to blog about it all because I have been struggling with insecurity, doubt and just plain panic at times. But as I am seeing things through different eyes I am gaining clarity and perspective. I may not understand it all but I have peace and that is an important thing, probably the most important. I know that we are walking in Gods will and that gives me reassurance and peace.

Have I been cryptic enough for you? haha

A couple of months ago I began watching the son of my high school best friend. We had lost touch for many years but God brought us back together and orchestrated for her son to be a HUGE blessing to our family. I wasn't looking to watch any children but when God quickened my heart and spirit, I knew that it was right. He is a sweetie that brightens our days. His momma is such a wonderful woman and I am blessed to have such a great friend back in my life. My two boys have "adopted" him and call him brother. And they are so sad when he is not at our house. I didn't know anything was missing at our house until he showed up. My hubby has fallen in love with the little guy too. And for those of you know him, that is a big deal! God is good!!

God has been speaking to hubby and I for over a year about homeschooling our boys. Lets just say that for many months I have been walking around with my fingers in my ears in regards to that matter. I didn't want to do it, I didn't understand why anyone would want to, and I just flat out said "no, I think I know what is best for our family". Well, God let me do it my way and has been faithful to provide, protect and minsiter in spite of my disobedience but I have felt an inner turmoil and unrest. I did not like that feeling so I began asking God about it. In His gentle way, He told me that I have been disobedient and that I will never have peace while in rebellion. It is just that simple. So hubby and I began to pray, seek and research everything we could get our hands on about homeschooling. And a funny thing happened. It all began to make sense and to come together in my heart. Then it began to make sense to my mind. And after a while I decided to surrender.

I cannot tell you how at peace I am regarding this decision. Our son is so excited! He loves learning and is already giving me instructions on what he would like to learn about in addition to reading, writing and arithmetic. He has mentioned planes and trains. I wasn't surprised at these. Then he says "Mom, I want to learn about being healthy; what kind of food to eat, how to exercise and healthy things. And I want to learn about manners and stuff". I almost fell out! Guess I need to step up my game.

So we start next week. It will be an adjustment and a challenge I am sure. But anything worth doing is worth the time, effort and work associated with it. And believe me when I say that our two precious, sweet, curious, impressionable boys are TOTALLY worth it.

My sister in law posted a blog about "I Can Do This" and suggested that other bloggers share their "I Can Do This" stories. So this is mine.
Am I nervous? Yes. But do I know God is faithful? Do I know that He has gifted me with exactly what I need to do what He has called me to? Yes, and where I am lacking, I know He is the strength, wisdom, joy, peace and patience that I need.

Any prayers for me and the family are appreciated!There is other "stuff" going on too right now but that will be a later post when it becomes a testimony.

By the way, she said she would share this button. But since I am not that bright when it comes to computers I had to save it as a pic. So feel free to snag it if you like and write your own I Can Do This blog. Oh, and her blog is
www.fearfully-wonderfully.com
Yeah, I haven't figured out how to do that linky thing either. But you can click on the blog title in my blog list on the left. Oh well, one thing at a time. Gotta focus on phonics right now and it has been a very looooong time. :)

A Reminder

Spiritually is not a formula; it is not a test. It is a relationship. Spiritually is not about competency; it is about intimacy. Spiritually is not about perfection; it is about connection.

The way of spiritual life begins where we are now in the mess of our lives. Accepting the reality of our broken, flawed lives is the beginning of spiritually not because the spiritual life will remove our flaws, but because we let go of seeking perfection and instead seek God the One who is present in the tangleness of our lives.

-Mike Yaconelli

You will trust God only as much as you love him. And you will love him not because you have studied him; you will love him because you have touched him—in response to his touch…Only if you love will you make that final leap into darkness. “Father, into your hands I commend my spirit.” –Brennan Manning in Lion and Lamb

At the very root of all Christian life lies the thought that God is to do all – that our work is to give and leave ourselves in His hands, in the confession of utter helplessness and dependence, in the assured confidence that He gives all we need.

The great lack of the Christian life is that, even where we trust Christ, we leave God out of the count. Christ came to bring us to God. Christ lived the life of a man exactly as we have to live it. Christ the Vine points to God the Husbandman. As He trusted God, let us trust God, that everything we ought to be and have, as those who belong to the Vine, will be given us from above. (Andrew Murray, The Secret of God’s Love)

( I saw this on another blog and it was profound to me)

A Thankful Heart

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and many, many people will be taking time to really reflect on their lives and blessings. When I look around I see so many wonderful blessings, even some that get overlooked in the living of daily life. So today I feel like reminding myself of all of them.

I am blessed to have a Saviour that has made the ultimate sacrifice to give me new life and encourages my daily to live the life that He designed especially for me. I am so thankful that my assignment on this earth is to please Him and Him alone. Everything else can fade to the background and because I know God is faithful and has plans and purposes for me that are for my good and the good of my family, I can rest assured that when I am obedient and live a life pleasing to the Lord that it will also be in the best interest of my husband and children too. I can leave the results up to God. I am so thankful that He has it all under control.

I am so blessed to have a husband that loves the Lord and seeks to know His will. He works so hard to take care of me and the boys and has supported me in so many ways. His hard work and sacrifice have enabled me to stay home with our sweet boys. He may not understand me sometimes and we may be complete opposites but I have found that the longer we are together that we make a wonderful team that balance each others strengths and weaknesses. I am learning more about him daily and I look forward to another 50 years of growing together and seeing what God will make of our life together.

I am overcome with gratitude when I think of our two sons. They are such welcome surprises everyday that they wake me up with a smile on their faces and a twinkle in their eyes. They love to talk about Jesus and how much He loves them and how they love Him in return. My heart melts when I hear them praying to the Lord about the smallest, simplest things. I know it delights the Fathers' heart as well. I pray that they always maintain the open, transparency that they now possess when it comes to communicating with God. I learn something new from them everyday. They are so unique with special giftings and talents that I know the Lord will cultivate and use for His glory. I am honored to be their mother and to see the miracle of their lives.

I have an awesome extended family and am priviledged to have such a wonderful support system. I was raised in a house that honored the Lord and trained me up in His ways. I am so thankful for the jumpstart that gave me in life. My family are gifted in so many ways and I know God is maturing us and refining us to be used as a team for His kingdom. I can't see the end result right now but I am excited and hopeful about what is to come.

Hubby & I found a wonderful church almost 2 years ago. We feel so blessed to be surrounded by such a wonderful church body. We have grown in the Lord and have seen tremendous growth. We feel so blessed to have a place to serve and to see how God is working in the lives of so many.

I could go on and on but I think I will try to post again tomorrow. Right now I need to enjoy my day with the little blessings running in and out the back door.

Be blessed and Happy Thanksgiving!!

Say What?

I am not usually a listener of rap but I came across this today. Thought I would share. I really loved what she had to say.

Becoming The Woman I Want To Be

I was reading through my list of blogs that I love and I looked over at my bookshelf and a title caught my eye. It is "Becoming The Woman I Want To Be" by Donna Partow. It is a devotional book that I purchased over 6 years ago. I have started it 3 times and have never finished it. Let me just insert here that I have follow through issues. Unless it involves a novel, then I am riveted and am useless to society and my family until I finish it. Anyway, the book got me to thinking about the woman I want to be. Actually I was just talking to my hubby last night about it. I was rattling off this list of attributes and characteristics that I hope are remembered by my children when they are grown. And to be honest, some of them are areas is which I need tremendous growth. My hubby looked at me and said, "That is up to you, the choices you make every day will affect who you are." I know that on a head level but is it really something that I am concious of on a daily basis? How can I teach my sons that discipline is important if I procrastinate and they see me procrastinate? They will do what I do, not what I say, right?

Another look at my bookshelf brought another wave of conviction upon me. I have books on just about any topic you would ever need to read about. Most are written by Christian authors and I have enjoyed reading most of them. I have mentioned a couple hundred times on this blog that I am a reader. But how many times have I picked up a book to get an answer I need when all I have to do is pick up the Word of God? I have substituted my devotional time with "reading time". NOT COOL!

While I am putting it all out there.....God has been dealing with me about my mouth and what I allow to come out of it. Somedays I do alright, but then there are days when I am peeved, frustrated and aggrivated and I find myself picking up my phone and calling someone to vent my feelings. Even as I type that it seems to silly to think that another imperfect person will be able to handle my problem for me. But that has been a pattern of behavior that I am trying to break. So, a few days ago I was having a day and I picked up my phone, God spoke to me and said "Hello, I am right here." I ignored Him and dialed the phone. Guess what? I went through 4 or 5 people and no one would answer. Then the Lord spoke again "Hey, I am right here. Talk to me. I am the only one that can really help and have your best interest at heart". So I did. I vented my frustration and feelings. And it felt great. He listened and comforted me and then reminded me about what His Word says about the situtation. My boys were in the backseat during all of this. I thought I was talking softly enough to not bother them but my oldest asked me why I was talking to God. I told him that I was aggrivated and needed to tell God about it. He smiled and said "Can I do that too?" Then he proceeded to tell God about what was bugging him that day. What a lesson God was teaching me in that moment. My boys WILL do what they see me do, hear me say, how I react, how I treat others and how I approach my Heavenly Father. What a huge responsibility.
But God has promised to be with me on this journey as I lean into Him.

Looks like I have alot to reprogram in my life but I am so thankful that God continues to speak and show up in my life. He is so great!!!

Pressing On

Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do; Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead.” Phillipians 3:12-13

Upside Down and Inside Out

That is what I feel like the God is doing right now in my life. He is stretching beyond myself and what I think is comfortable and acceptable. He is asking me to do things and to let go in ways that are new. I feel like a cliffhanger with a couple of fingers let on the ledge and bit by bit they are slipping and I can't help it. I know that if I would just let go, God will be there to catch me and to carry me to the place of purpose, fulfillment and grace that He has already prepared. I feel layers peeling away and bricks from "my wall" crumbling down and instead of feeling anxious and stressed I have finally hit to point of expectation and excitement knowing that God has something planned that is beyond our wildest dreams. God is teaching me so much and I hope to be able to put into some coherent form to be able to share it with you soon. But the point I want to get across today is that "when I can't, He can. When I don't know, He does. When I can't see how, He does. Mediocrity is NOT what my Savior has called me to, but rather a life of excellence, grace and passion. He will lead the way if I will just follow."

My Lord is Jesus Christ, the Son of God

I got a comment on my last post saying that Allah was the Lord and that Jesus was just a messenger sent by him. I wanted to apologize to anyone that might have seen it. I have since deleted it because it is completely opposed to my beliefs. And since it is my blog, I can do whatever I want. Some might say that I am not being "tolerant" but I do not care. The truth of the gospel is not tolerant and it may offend people but Jesus never apologized for the message of a fallen man in need of salvation so I am not going to either. Jesus Christ has saved me from an eternity of separation from Gods' presence and I am so thankful. He continues to show His love to me and has commissioned all believers to share the good news of salvation through the sacrifice of Jesus Christ. Jesus is everything to me and I will proclaim his goodness boldly and without apology. If it offends you, please feel free to find another blog to read. But I pray that you might take the time to search out the God I serve and come to know Him as your Lord and Savior. He is a loving, gracious and compassionate God that has created all things and longs to have His children call upon His Name.....the mighty name of Jesus Christ.

Update

My grandfather is in the hospital right now recovering from open heart surgery. The surgery was a huge success and he is doing phenomenal. Today he is up and walking around. His surgery was Monday. It boggles my mind that it is possible to open up a body, stop a heart, hook up a bypass machine, operate and correct clogged arteries, reattatch them to the heart, restart the heart, close up everything, wake the person up and they can walk around 2 days later. The human body is a marvelous thing. But the creator of that body is truly the ultimate in magnificence and marvelous. He was with my Papa and continues to heal his body and I am so thankful and grateful.

A few things happened while we (my family) was over there to support my Papa and Nana. Some of them made me step back and count my blessings, especially when it comes to my children. They are healthy, physically, mentally, developementally. They are growing the way they are supposed to. They are blessings!! Some days when I am overwhelmed and frustrated I am not mindful of the obvious and I forget to be thankful. I was reminded. Thank you Lord!

I also realized that there is only one person on which I can rely totally on for all my needs. His name happens to be Jesus and He wants to be my everything. Anytime I try to rely on someone else or somthing else to meet a need in me it is doomed to failure and destined to leave me feeling like I have been run over by a Mack truck. When will I learn? Hope it is soon. So glad the Lord doesn't give up on this stubborn woman.

I was without my two sweet little boys while I was out of town. I missed them sooooooo much. I missed their banter, their humor and their ability to make me smile and laugh no matter what. I am truly blessed!!!!

You know what? I am also blessed with a tremendous sister that happens to be a wonderful mother and my bestest friend in all da wurld.(smiles, Mal) Her sweet little boys were such breath of fresh air the past few days. Nothing like the smell of a newborn, is there? And my brother. What an awesome man of god. I am honored to have such a man in my life. His wife is an inspiration and such a sweet woman. And their little boy make me want to keep my lips attatched to his cheek forever. What a cutie!! He even showed me how to watch youtube videos on the phone. He is not quite 2 and I am 31. I think I am lacking in technology training.
And I am blessed to have the best momma in the entire universe. Sorry to all of you out there that think your mom is. But my mom is the best. Her strength, humility, reliance on the Lord and determination to do things Gods way is a constant challenge to me to let God do things His way and to die to myself. She has gone through so much but she continues to stand in the strength of the Lord and I am anxious to see what tremendous blessings that God has in store for her. Thanks mom!! I love you!

Blessings come in many ways. And I am determined today to think on these things.
I AM BLESSED!!!

Grow up!

I Corinthians 13:11-12 (Amplified)

When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; now that I have become a man (woman), I am done with childish ways and have put them aside.
For now we are looking in a mirror that gives only a dim (blurred) reflection [of reality as in a riddle or enigma], but then [when perfection comes] we shall see reality and face to face! Now I know in part (imperfectly), but then I shall know and understand fully and clearly, even in the same manner as I have been fully and clearly known and understood [by God].

God has been dealing with me about growing up in all areas of my life. He gave me this scripture and it has been a constant reminder that I don't know what He knows. And my rebellion and disobedience aren't going to get me closer to being the person that I know I want to be. Being a grown up requires discipline and work. It is time to step up and quit making excuses for where I am in my life. Nothing is going to change unless I make different choices, speak different words, think different thoughts, and do things different. Do I have the guts and determination to do it? I pray for His strength and grace.

Funk Buster

Today I woke up in a funk. I drug around the house feeling overwhelmed and aggrivated. I called my hubby to vent and he was so kind, compassionate and loving. He encouraged me so much. But the thing that helped the most was when he said "when you get home, I want you to spend some time with the Lord, go outside, sit under the tree, tell the boys to play, tell them you need some God time, they can handle it". It was a timely reminder that I cannot be the wife, mom, sister and woman that God wants me to be if I am not taking the time to make sure I am built up in the Lord. Hearing my husband audibly give permission to put aside the things that consume me was like a breath of fresh air. So I did. I came home, fed the boys and we went outside. They played and I spent some intentional time with my Heavenly Father. And just like every other time, He showed up. He spoke to me through His Word and encouraged me. He led me to scriptures that I can say to speak to my situation and to build my faith. My God never dissapoints. It is only when I get mired down in myself that I forget that wonderfual attribute.

Please make the time to build yourself up in the Lord.

Here is a song that the Lord has been using to encourage me. Hope it ministers to you as well.

You Talking To Me?

I have realized that as I read books, blogs, e-mails, listen to sermons, do Bible studies that there usually comes a point and time that I begin to feel "uncomfortable". We all know that feeling. The feeling inside that screams "how could they say that?" or "who are they to say that?" or "Hmm..I wonder what is up their butt?" or even "that is so off base" and I begin to take things personally. I try to figure out what they were "really" trying to say. But the more I think and pray about it I have realized that most of the time that I begin to get that gnawing feeling is because what they said hit a little too close to home. It made me think about things I would rather forget and not deal with. And it is because I am feeling that way that I need to dig my heels in and face whatever the Lord is trying to tell me. He is truth, He is grace, He is mercy and because He is who He is, it will make my flesh uncomfortable. My flesh might even want to revolt and cast blame on those that are sharing the truth of God's Word. But true and lasting change is only possible through Jesus Christ and the power of the Holy Spirit. So it is time that I let myself be uncomfortable and sit at the feet of Jesus and get to know Him for all He is. And to be thankful for all the people who love the Lord enough to speak truth, even if it isn't popular and makes us "church folk" uncomfortable.

It's Not Gonna Hurt, Is It?

Today was "go get our flu shots" day. I had been preparing the boys that we would be going to get them and trying to reassure them that they were brave and that it wouldn't hurt too bad. However based on their previous experience, they were reluctant to believe me. We even called other people who had already gotten their shots and they were told that it didn't hurt. So they were getting braver bit by bit.

I could tell that my oldest was worrying when I picked him up from school. So we talked about it again. He asked questions and I answered the best I could with the knowledge that I had. We grabbed lunch (at a drive-thru....that is a HUGE treat for us) and then went to see their daddy. Then we were off to the doctors office for what I thought was going to be a no nonsense, quick trip for shots. Yeah right!

We signed in and then sat and sat and waited and waited and waited to be seen. Now I am used to waiting at the doctors office and it wouldn't have been a big deal EXCEPT I called them last week and again yesterday to make sure we didn't need to make an appointment. They said "no it is done outpatient, in and out". So that is what I told the boys. So after waiting for over an hour my boys were getting more and more nervous. Once we got into the room, the nurse then proceeded to draw up the shot IN FRONT OF MY CHILDREN. Not sure if it is her first week working with kids or what but I have never had a nurse even let the boys see the syringe, much less put them through the agony of watching her pull the inch and a half needle out and fill it full with stuff she is going to stick in their leg. At this point, my oldest started going into major freak-out mode. I had to lay on top of him and hold him down while he was shrieking and thrashing about. All the while my youngest is on the other side of the room junping up and down and running in circles because he just knows we are killing his brother. The nurse finally gave him the shot and he stopped screaming and said "that didn't hurt that much". So little brother is put on the table for round two and big brother tells him that it won't hurt that much. Round 2 went smoother. He didn't thrash, just alot of screaming. They did get cool stickers for their "good behavior".

I went directly to Walgreens and got my flu shot. They were worried for me but I had more knowledge and experience on my side and I am proud to say that I did NOT freak out and punch the nurse. It didn't hurt at all.

Anyway, this whole experience got me thinking about things. A shot is never a pleasant experience but I had more knowledge and experiences on my side to help dispell any fears. My boys were relying on their knowledge of shots to cope. And guess what? The experiences they have had gave them a perspective that no matter what SHOTS ARE EVIL AND MUST BE AVOIDED AT ALL COST. As their mother I know the benefits of shots, a little pain now to help avoid a greater pain later. My perspective is different than theirs. How many times do I walk into a situation and bring my perspective which is skewed by my experiences instead of relying on God's perspective? He can see so much more clearly what I need. He will never lie to me. My boys thought I had lied to them when the shots were not what they had been told. I didn't lie. I spoke the truth. God speaks the truth and is truth. Just because things don't work out the way I think they should does not mean that God lied or led me astray. He knows better than me. Why can't I just trust Him?

Not sure if that made sense to anyone else but the events of this afternoon taught me a lesson. My life and its experiences and my perspective about those experiences have affected how I look at things and how I live my life. It is only God's perspective that is perfect and sees all things and sees how things will work out for my benefit. If I will take the time to get to know my Heavenly Father and allow His perspective to become my perspective, how much differently would I be living my life? I would walk confident, not in fear. I would walk in love and compassion, not in judgement and criticism. I would be generous, not stingy and selfish. I would be patient, not quick tempered. I would walk in faith, not walking daily in doubt and bondage. I would see the people around me as creations of God who need to know Him and His love and salvation, not people that inconvenience me in my little self absorbed world.

Today showed me how screwed up in my thinking I have been. It is time to get to know God for all He is.

I'm an auntie again!

Hello all! This past week has been a flurry of activity around here. My sister (the coolest woman I know) gave birth to her second little boy, my third nephew. I had the honor of watching her oldest son while she went to the doctor and before she was admitted to the hospital. My awesome mother in law came up and watched her little boy and my two sons so I could be there when the sweetest angel was born.

Little Rylend is perfect in every way. He is sooooooo precious and adorable. He and his mommy are both doing great. I would post a pic but I have a HUGE pet peeve about people posting other peoples news and pics before they do. I just feel that there are so few moments in our lives that are truly so special and precious that it is just sooo rude to swoop in and steal the thunder. So whenever his mommy decides to post pics I will put some up. It is her news to share and I will leave it up to her to do it.

Speaking of rude people....I went to a wedding last month and there were people that posted pics of the bride, groom, bridal party and everything before the newlyweds even got to leave the church. Hello!!! It is their day, can you just not try to make it all about you? Just saying.

My oldest has been on fall break for the last 6 days (yes, he has been counting every one). He was so excited about being out of school but today he informed me that he couldn't wait to go back to school in the morning because being at home is SO boring. He even reminded me that he needed to go to bed earlier because he had to get up early. Hilarious!! He is alot like me as a child. I loved school and while I enjoyed being home with the family I would have rather been at school. He is learning phonics and sight words and loves to get books and try to pick them out. He will be reading in no time. I can't wait! Reading is probably my favorite past time in the entire universe and I think he will enjoy it as well.

My littlest man is so funny. One minute he is Mister Independent and the next he is telling me that he is not a big boy and wants to lay in my lap and be sung to. I love that they are so unique and different and yet so complimentary in their personalities. And they love each other so much. I love to hear them giggle and laugh and wrestle. Such little boys!!! I can't believe they are going to be 6 & 4 in a couple months. They decided they want to celebrate their birthdays together with just one party. Score for mom!! That means less planning for me. Because lets face it I am not one that enjoys planning and executing anything. Especially parties. There are people who are so gifted in that area, I just don't happen to be one of them. But that is alright. I have a mom and a mother in law that love to plan stuff. Perhaps I will let them help.

I still have not been disciplined enough to try the couponing again. I need to be doing it, desperately need to be saving money while providing nourishment and neccesities for my family but just haven't known where to begin. The bottom line is that I am really terrible with follow through. I am realizing it more and more. Do they have a support group for that type of thing? Perhaps PA (procrastinators anonymous) or LB (lazy bums)? Maybe I should start one......or maybe not.

I have been in a funk here lately. Can't really pinpoint a particular reason (I guess I could just choose from the 87 that are spinning through my head) but I would really like to get out of the funk. I guess I need to just put on my big girl panties and deal with stuff. That is never fun. But I guess NOT being a funk for the rest of my life should be motivation enough to get on with it. Sorry if that was cryptic and incoherent.....

I have been trying to think of things to blog. If I think if any I will post them.

Can't Stay Focused

I got up this morning with a to-do list. And I have begun working on it. The problem is that I find I get alot more accomplished if I have music playing while I work. Otherwise I work slower and get easily distracted. But his morning I was listening to the new Passion CD on Grooveshark and kept hearing these awesome songs. So of course I have to stop and run to the computer to find out the name of the song and who is singing it. Then I have to Youtube it. So needless to say I am over an hour into my to-do list and the only thing that has been done is internet research....hahaha. Anyway, here is one of the songs that ministered to me this morning. I thought someone else might need to be reminded of how much our Heavenly Father loves us. Be blessed and Happy Friday!!

Coupon Shmoupon

Alright, I decided to try my hand at couponing this week. I think I must need a system or something because after an hour of clipping coupons, another 30 minutes organizing and 2 hours of shopping I am pretty sure that I spent more money than I would have without them. But I am also pretty sure I did it backwards or something.

My receipt said that I saved 10.78 but I spent about $20 more than if I would have just gone to the Dollar Store. One problem was that once I got to the store to pair their in-store special and a coupon, they were out of the item. Or the sale price with a coupon was higher than regular price somewhere else. I am not giving up but I think I need to do some further research. As it stands right now, I really don't know what the regular prices at various stores are so I don't know if 2/$5 for 300 count Q-tips is a great price. It isn't by the way. I used a coupon to get that deal at Walgreens and then went into the Dollar Store to get toilet paper (since they were out at Walgreens) and found that I could have bought 500 count Q-tips for a little under $2. I feel duped!!!

So I will be learning some more about couponing and putting into practice because I could really use a boost in the old wallet right now. Who couldn't?

Speaking of my wallet.......I have decided to work part time to be able to pay some bills off and put money into savings for our boys school tuition and vacations and such. I wasn't willing to put our 3 year old into school yet so I decided to work from home. I have been wearing Mary Kay products and LOVING them since I was in college. So I am now a Mary Kay independent Beauty consultant. I love it!!!
Please shop with me, your Independent Beauty Consultant
Your skin will thank me. You can click below or enter the address in your browser.
www.marykay.com/keturamc

Shop with me!

Hit me Between the Eyes Today

As so many of you, I have a list of blogs that I like to read. Some offer humor to lift my day, some offer hope that I am not alone in my struggles and some encourage the pants off of me. Today as I was reading, I came across this blog. It was written by Lisa Whittle, a wife, mother, writer, and daughter of God. IT spoke to me so much that I thought I would share it with you all. If you are interested in reading more of her blog, you can either like on her name in my blog list or go to www.lisawhittle.com.

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The Ugly Truth


Sep 22
I’m convinced that some of the most painful moments we spend with Jesus are when He brings us face-to-face with our own ugliness. It’s in those moments that we are repulsed by insights we know in our core to be true.

I admit that I resonate with the thought of being on God’s anvil, as I know well the feeling of being hammered flat by the awareness of the corrupt condition of my heart. I’ve been there, many times.

The truth is, it hurts to look at our inner ugliness.

But God has recently been reminding me of the benefit of being pure from the inside out – of having character in the small things that others may never see or notice but shape my everyday living.

The passage in Matthew where Jesus teaches the religious leaders about inner purity has been constantly playing in my head over the past few weeks. “These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far away.” {15:8} I can think of almost nothing worse than a hypocrite. But the reality is, many times, I am one.

This thought alone drives me to want to clean things up.

A friend of mine recently told me something I won’t soon forget. In fact, I’m not sure anything I’ve read lately has had quite this much impact. He said,

“I [think] what is destroying faith is not Satan. It’s [people who say they are believers that are catty on] Facebook. It’s rude drivers with a fish emblem. It’s the lady buying supplies for VBS in the summer, wearing a t-shirt for said VBS, that [pushes people] out of the way to buy some marshmallows.”

What my friend is talking about is the reality of what happens when we don’t live with the inner character of Jesus. If we accept our eventual turn on the anvil, it leads to the necessary moment when we finally tilt our face toward God and let the truth of who we are compared to who He is hammer us out flat.

Friends, our epidemic is not being too busy. It’s having an ingenuine faith. It’s pre-occupation. It’s calloused hearts. It’s inner ugliness that hasn’t been attended to for a very long time. Lots of us are walking around with things long unattended, and it shows.

When we desire clean living above all else, we face truth that will hurt. But we open up opportunities to share Jesus by the beauty His character through us exudes.

Only then will our heart sing a song of freedom.

Only then will we love people well.

Only then will we please the heart of the God we worship with our lips.

I am pained by the thought of my ugliness. But in the same way I am driven to a place of inner purity, where Jesus takes up the entire space.

May the ugly truth about who we are, drive us into the arms of our beautiful Savior, even today.

Sniff, sneeze, sneeze, sneeze, sniff

That is the soundtrack around here today. My son has sneezed about 1,000 times in the last 24 hours. I guess he can blame it on me and all the farmers picking and cutting dry, dry, dry crops right now. He normally takes allergy medicine and can you believe that we ran out and I forgot to pick up some more? So we made a special trip earlier so he could get some relief. Hopefully the little man will be breathing easier quickly.

His daddy has a cold and has been snotting and sneezing too. Poor guys!!

I have had a lazy Saturday for sure. I have accomplished absolutley nothing and I don't even feel bad about it. Everyone needs a breather occassionally, right?

Totally unrelated, but has anyone else seen the show "Hoarders". I am fascinated! I feel so bad for these people because I know that I can't even begin to understand how they are feeling. I have some people in my extended family that would almost fit into that category but not that extreme. The show has made me appreciate my little house and that everything has a place. I would go crazy if my house was cluttered and filthy like that. I mean, I am sure you could find some dust bunnies, dirt and some things out of place if you look hard enough. I am not perfect.....surprised? I didn't think so...hahaha

There are lots of things going on right now in our little family. I know God has a plan and a purpose for us and I feel that we are on the edge of something great. We are pushing through, knowing that God knows exactly where He is taking us. Learning to trust in a completely new way. I am nervous and excited at the same time. My hubby has had a dream his entire life and God is allowing us to see how it will become a reality. I am so proud of my husband. He is such a wonderful man, so kind, compassionate, giving, sensitive and he loves the Lord so much. It is my desire to see him walking out the plan God created him to fulfill. We are so different in so many ways but the longer we are married I realize that God brought us together so that we could work as a team, the unit stronger than either individual. He is strong where I am weak and vice versa. I am thrilled to be walking through this life with him by my side. I am so blessed!!!! Your prayers for guidance, direction and provision are coveted today. Thank you!

My new Mantra

I am not sure even where I heard this but it struck a chord with me and has ignited something in me.

"It is so much better to be a first rate version of yourself than to be a second rate version of someone else".

I have found freedom in this phrase. Why do I spend so much time and energy trying to be like others when I should just relax, accept the person God created me to be and live my life allowing Him to mold me and bring out the beauty He sees when He looks at me. Always room for improvement but I should be who God created me to be, the best version of myself possible.

Some Contemplations

The boys were in my cousins wedding last weekend. They looked so adorable and sweet. They did an awesome job and behaved themselves. I was so proud. We drove all day yesterday and made it home after midnight. Of course, now the boys and I are trying to get rested up before life continues like normal tomorrow. I am hoping to turn in early tonight.

And I have been thinking about the purpose of this blog. I am at a crossroads of what to do with it. On one hand I want to keep the people I care about updated with how we are doing and what is going on with us. But because it is not a private blog I am finding myself apprehensive to talke specifics and to post pics. I love blogs, all kinds of blogs, I love reading them and seeing the diversity of personalities and interests that they represent. I am just not sure what to do with mine. I know that I would feel a greater freedom to talk, share and be more intimate with what is going on with me and the family if I didn't have to worry about "creepies" stumbling upon it. And I think I am about at my limit of information overload. I know that I will probably get some hate mail by saying this but I am sooooooo over people sharing every little detail of their lives on the internet. What happened to face to face or even voice to voice (via phones) communcation? Just a thought.......

So, I am still not any closer to a resolution but now you all know what I am feeling. Be blessed!!

As a side note....my thoughts about people sharing on the internet is general and not about any particular person, blog, etc. Just so that is clear. Last time I made a comment like that I got phones calls wanting to know who I was upset at.....can you imagine???? hahaha

My Life in Movie Quotes

You've Got Mail:
Kathleen Kelly:[writing to "NY152"] Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life - well, valuable, but small - and sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around? I don't really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So good night, dear void.

Sleepless In Seattle:
Becky: (talking to Annie) Verbal ability is a highly overrated thing in a guy, and it's our pathetic need for it that gets us into so much trouble.

Steel Magnolias:
Ouiser Boudreaux:(talking to M'Lynn) What's the matter with you these days, M'Lynn? You got a reindeer up your butt?

Madea's Family Reunion:
May: Love is many things. It's varied. One thing it is not and can never be is unsure.

Fireproof:
Michael: Fireproof doesn't mean a fire will never come, but that when it comes you'll be able to withstand it.

Had to Share

I heard this today for the first time. Had to share.


Arms Wide Open
Misty Edwards
Fling Wide :

Lyrics:

“What does love look like?” is the question I’ve been pondering
“What does love look like?”
“What does love look like?” is the question I’ve been asking of You

I once believed that love was romance, just a chance
I even thought that love was for the lucky and the beautiful
I once believed that love was a momentary bliss
But love is more than this
All You ever wanted was my attention
All You ever wanted was love from me
All You ever wanted was my affections, to sit here at Your feet

Then I sat down, a little frustrated and confused
If all of life comes down to love
Then love has to be more than sentiment
More than selfishness and selfish gain

And then I saw Him there, hanging on a tree, looking at me
I saw Him there, hanging on a tree, looking at me
He was looking at me, looking at Him, staring through me
I could not escape those beautiful eyes
And I began to weep and weep

He had arms wide open, a heart exposed
Arms wide open; He was bleeding, bleeding

Love’s definition, love’s definition was looking at me
Looking at Him, hanging on a tree
I began to weep and weep and weep and weep

This is how I know what love is, this is how I know what love is

And as I sat there weeping, crying
Those beautiful eyes, full of desire and love

He said to me, “You shall love Me, You shall love Me
You shall love Me, You shall love Me”

With arms wide open, a heart exposed
With arms wide open, bleeding, sometimes bleeding

If anybody’s looking for love in all the wrong places
If you’ve been searching for love, come to Me, come to Me
Take up your cross, deny yourself
Forget your father’s house and run, run with Me
You were made for abandonment, wholeheartedness
You were made for someone greater, someone bigger, so follow Me
And You’ll come alive when you learn to die

School Daze

Well, my sweet little man got in trouble this week at school. I must say that I knew it would happen eventually but it came sooner than I thought.

We have been able to carpool with another family and it has been great. I went to school with her and it has been so nice getting to know her again. Anyway, my little man and her little man are in the same class. They were instant friends. If my son is dragging out of bed in the mornings all I have to do is remind him that he is riding with his buddy to school and he hops out of bed. It has been nice. And they play really well together. But they have both been in trouble this week. And when the story unfolds they are together when it happens. Kind of funny actually. So my little man got in trouble for playing and making way too much noise in the bathroom. I should have known that his mouth would get him in trouble. He is sooooo social like me. He is learning though.

He also almost gave me a heart attack the other day. He was riding his bicycle on the deck and got too close to the stairs. He didn't get his front tire turned in time and ended up going down the steps on his bike. When he hit the concrete at the bottom his tire stuck and flung him over the handle bars into the tire rim on my car. It freaked me out. He was screaming and crying. I just knew he had really hurt himself. But thankfully his angels were working overtime. He pinched a finger, scraped his ribs and got a goose-egg on his head. It could have been so much worse. Thank the Lord it wasn't. By the next morning he was all better.

In other news, my youngest little man is doing great. He loves hanging out with mommy in the mornings. We made "flubber" yesterday. It was so much fun. I love that stuff.

I am ready for the temperatures to drop a bit. I am tired of being stuck inside. Because I am not about to sweat to death, not my thing.

Getting a ladies night tonight. Yeah!!!!!

It's a Monday...

Meltdown Monday is what I am gonna call it. I woke up tired. So did the boys. And now there are lots of bad attitudes and hollering and tears and crying.

And there isn't even any chocolate in the house, thanks to the mice, which are all gone now thank you very much. But not before I had to throw out everything in my pantry. On the bright side.....my pantry hasn't been this clean in years.

The good news? We are all healthy and I have the tremendous blessing of being the person at home everyday with them to witness such moments...haha

Is it bad that I am wanting to laugh right now at the behavior of my boys? They are yelling and being bossy and crying. I think I may be having a breakdown.....not really.

Yes, I swiped This From Her Blog

Today I was reading through some of my fave blogs and came upon Bring The Rain (her blog is listed in my blog list, check her out, you won't be dissapointed. Her journey is one of heartache and loss and the love of Jesus) Anyway, I haven't read her blog in a while because sometimes she can be so in my face about the things of God. She makes mistakes. She talks about them. She isn't perfect and she doesn't pretend to be. She is just a woman that is loved of God and loves God with all her heart. And when I read her blog it touches a place in my heart that I have been trying to keep hidden and protected. But today I let the wall come down enough to click on her blog. And of course God used her to minister to me in a big way. I just had to share just in case anyone else needed to read this today. God knows who it is. Love you guys!!! Her blog starts with the stars.

******It won't come as a surprise to most of you that I'm a little Type A about things. Not even important things, necessarily. For example, I can't keep all the dog hair off the ground but if a recipe calls for a teaspoon, it's painful for me to try and "guesstimate" without the actual measuring spoon. Weird, I know.

Last week I had an epiphany about my prayer life and it's probably going to look pitiful on paper but it really did make a big difference to me and I want to share it in the event that you can relate. When I talk to the Lord, I have realized I do it like He doesn't know who I am. I originally thought I had to be on my knees next to my bed (left side, candle burning) in order for Him to hear me but then years later I rebelled and just did it while sitting straight up. I like to push the envelope, what can I say?

It seemed like I was still connecting despite the fact that I wasn't following my little rules, so I went with it. I became accustomed to just talking to Him wherever I was (madness, I tell you), but until recently I didn't realize that I still had some learning to do. I'm kind of laughing as I write this because it sounds funny to even say, but the truth is that I typically pray like this:

"Dear Jesus (wait until He has had a chance to turn His eternal gaze on me instead of the other thing He was doing. Not scripturally accurate but nonetheless, I do), I would like to lift up so-and-so to you. She is really processing her divorce and I'm concerned for her. Lord, what can I do to help? What should I be saying to her?"

It goes on like this for a few minutes, me talking like I'm talking to a psychiatrist who just pulled my file. And sometimes (gasp!) I get distracted and then I start over. "Sorry Lord. I just started thinking about how this other person really irritates me and I kind of chased the rabbit trail a little. I also ate some Little Debbie Swiss Cake Rolls but now I'm back and I'm ready to focus."

It's like I have to have a powerpoint presentation before I feel like I've prayed efficiently.

For crying out loud, how weird is that? And yet, some of you are nodding your heads right now because you have felt the same thing. You feel like you're talking to Someone Who has other things to do and you just want to walk away feeling like you did it "right." Because certainly the God of the heavens can't piece it together if I don't help Him out.

Last night Amy (from Selah) and I were getting ready to go to a movie (Inception, if you must know. And don't think the irony isn't lost on me. And also, I'm still confused about the whole thing, start to finish). Charlotte was crying about something and Todd had taken her into the bedroom to try and calm her down. It wasn't going very well so he brought her back out and Amy took her. All the while I was acutely aware that she wanted to be swaddled, turned slightly into someone's chest with her pacifier in her mouth and her lamb making the ocean wave sound. I'm pretty sure Miss Kelsey (who has saved our lives and is currently watching the kids so I can hide in the bedroom and write) just shouted Amen because she knows the drill too. But it's a recent development and Todd was out of town for a few days so he didn't know about the magic of the lamb (once again, the irony is kind of like a sack of potatoes falling on my head. Subtle, you know?).

I picked her up and walked her into her nursery and a few minutes later she was completely asleep and Todd came in to see what I had done to calm her down. After he walked out I continued to rock her and I had one of those moments where you just know the Lord is trying to impress something upon your heart so you listen.

She didn't say a thing. She didn't label her needs and desires with boxes to check off. You knew them already because you know her. You know the sound of her hungry cry and the sound she makes when she's falling asleep contented. You don't need her to explain, because you love her well enough to know.


Well, that's because I'm her mother. Naturally I know.

And exactly Who do you think I am?


God likes to trump me with one-liners. He knows I appreciate timing and punch.

I start to realize that I pray to Him as if He doesn't already know everything. As if I'm another customer in the long line of people Who want to talk to Him. I'm like three steps away from making an appointment.

I don't even hear the little Lamb playing because I'm so darned convinced that I need to show Him where the swaddle is. He doesn't need a preface. He doesn't want a 5 step plan. He wants me to be with Him. I have this weighted feeling that if I forget to pray specifically, it won't happen. If someone writes me and asks me to pray for their child and I screw up and forget, what will happen? It will all fall apart, right? Because it was dependent on me to explain. He didn't understand and I would have been the one person who could have intervened. Logic at it's finest, folks. Hope you picked up on that.

I know it in my head and I believe I love Him this way but for some reason the praying is different. When I saw Charlotte sleeping I knew He was trying to teach me something that would deepen our relationship. Instead of rattling off a list last night, I laid in bed (Oh yes I did. And He heard me anyway) and I thought of a person in my life who has really wounded me. As the face of that person sat in my mind, I just let it sit. I didn't try to pepper it with my side or explain how wronged I had been, I just rested knowing that He knew it already. And it was a relief. And then He told me I was right and that person was wrong, wrong, wrong. Well, I'm pretty sure anyway.

I freak out when I don't have control (airplanes, anyone? I'd probably be fine if I was the pilot!) and I feel the need to fill in all the gaps. I'm really going to try and change this, and I have worked out a very specific checklist in order to free myself from it.

That last part was a joke. Kind of.

I want to let Him be Him in my prayer. I want to be able to rest knowing that I don't have to work to pray, because He is in the business of knowing already. Does that make sense? If not, you should see Inception because this will be really simple after that.

I just wanted to encourage you all to reach out to the God who has already filled the gaps, and embrace Him as the Father Who doesn't need anything from you. You are freed from responsibility, and enabled, through grace, to be a part of the miracle.

Ahhh. Doesn't that feel nice?

Rest in Him today, friend.

With much love and an alarming selection of highlighters,
Ang*******

What?

So this morning I have some questions to throw out there.

Why is that everytime I am "Next Blogging" I end up with an endless stream of cycling blogs? I do not cycle, I haven't rode a bicycle since I was in college and I don't even own a bicycle. And yet, I keep running into multiple blogs about it. Hmm...

And why do my favorite jeans smell like they are on fire? I bought them about 5 months ago and no matter how many times I wash them they still smell like I have just run out of a burning building. I know it is the dye in them but come on...enough is enough. Any suggestions to de-odorize them?

Why do these political parties keep calling me? Even after I tell them that I do not live in the state they are running for office? Now they have started leaving voicemail messages....ugh! Hopefully they will stop once the elections are over.

Why does the mouse that is living in my house feel like he has a right to be here? And how does the disgusting vermin manage to keep avoiding the nice traps I keep leaving for him?

Why have I not heard about the flooding in Pakistan until today? The news report said that millions are homeless with the potential for almost a million more to lose their homes. The flooding has been going on for almost a month. The report stated that the world has been slow to offer aid. I wonder why? Maybe it is because the media and those behind it haven't been as up front with is as they could have been. Why is a tragedy in one part of the world given a telethon and 24/7 news coverage for months while others are all but ignored?

Some Randomness This Monday

I have a few potential blog posts rattling around in the ole noggin but they all seemed a bit serious for today. So I thought I would post some random goings on from around here. (yes, I realize that I completely butchered the English language and I don't care....just the odd ball mood I am in today)

1. My younger little man is having a harder time adjusting to Big man going to school than his brother is. He is missing him so much. It makes my heart smile when I see how excited they are to see each other after school.

2. There is nothing in the world more precious than to hear your children pray and sing songs to our Heavenly Father. My two sweet boys have had me in tears for days. They sing and approach God with such sincerity and silliness all at the same time. I pray that they stay that way and don't allow us grown ups teach to them to not do it that way. If only we could once again approach God without all the junk.

3. My two little boys laughing at each other is my favorite sound in the world.

4. My hubby's birthday is today. I would write a huge paragraph to him but he does not read my blog. He doesn't "get it" ;)

5. I am in the middle of cleaning out stuff from our house. The boys and their stuff keeps getting bigger and it is making my home feel smaller. By the time they graduate I will be a minimalist I think.

6. Rubbing alcohol gets stains out of furniture. Who knew? My sis told me this tip.

7. I haven't had pizza in a few weeks. Beginning to get the shakes. Must have Mellow Mushroom or Red Elephant soon.....very soon. (must find some $ to get to eat pizza)

8. Oh, how I miss DVR......yes, I am that superficial.

9. It disturbs me when people pass up dessert. What is that about? Are they genuinely not interested? Are they dieting and want everyone else to know? Are they trying to prove something but showing me that they don't "need" dessert? I mean, I don't need it either, I just want it really bad. And I hate that it is bad manners to ask for their portion if they aren't going to eat it. What a waste!

10. This week I love Ginger Ale.

11. They should change the motto of Publix to "Publix, a happy place".

12. Still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up.

13. Hubby & I are stepping out to lead the 20's group at church. It is going to be stretching us and we are not sure what is going to come of it. But we do have peace and know that God would not have asked us to do this if He didn't have a plan for our growth and for our good. It is kinda depressing that I am old enough to be leading this group. They picked us because we were out of our 20's but still "young" enough to relate. Should be an adventure.

14. Needing an accountablity partner.

15. My hubby and my two boys bring me so much joy. I am overwhelmed with how blessed I am. I may not be able to see down the road of our lives but right now I am loving our life and know that God has good things in store.

needing a breather

Finding myself in this moment feeling stressed and aggrivated. My chest is tight and I could probably cry at any moment. Nothing in particular wrong just a feeling. And when I get to feeling this way I usually try to breath out some of the stress. I guess I do it more often than I realized because my 5 year old was sitting at the bar eating a few days ago and his brother was bothering him. Instead of arguing with him or fussing back, I just saw him take a huge breath in and then blow it really slow out his mouth. He had to have seen me do that. Whoops!!

I am having an interesting time adjusting to this whole school thing. My big man is doing great and loves it. And it has been good for me to have something to do everyday and a certain time that it has to be done. But I feel like I haven't gotten to spend "family time" with my boys these last few weeks. He is busy with school during the week and the past 2 weekends we have had something to do each day of the weekend whether it was birthday parties or funerals or wedding showers. All these things are great and we have enjoyed them but I am wanting a day that we get to just veg out at home and just be together. Guess I should just get over it and be thankful for the time I do have. Lesson for today......God wants to squeeze the selfishness right out of me. It can't be about me all the time. Something to ponder today.

Prideful in Grace?

As I was loading the dishwasher earlier I heard a song that I have heard a hundred times before. But this time it somehow crept its way past my ears, past that part of my brain that senses and filters the familiar and entered my heart. It spoke to me about my arrogance and pride about the grace of God.

I have grown up in church, heard the gospel message a million times, listened to thousands of sermons, read scripture, participated in Bible studies. And through it all I have always been certain that Jesus Christ died on the cross for my sin. I know this fact through and through. But perhaps I know it too well. Have I really considered the cost?

The song spoke of "would you take the place of this man?" This man being Jesus. He took my place. The life I have lived on my own demands death as a penalty. But I feel that in our world of comfort and convenience that I have never fully allowed myself to really let myself think and feel what that means. Instead I have accepted that Jesus did it all for me and then become prideful and arrogant of that fact. God's grace is given freely but I need to remember what it cost Him to give it to me. I need to live my life mindful of what He did for me and remember that while I never deserved His sacrifice, He still sacrificed so that I might know Him. Really know Him. His Grace and salvation are wonderful but He is expecting more of me. And to walk it out I need to remember everyday where I would be without Him. I can't do it on my own. It is only through Him that I stand a chance to live the life He intended for me. And since He has done it all, I need to be thankful and humbled.

Still Here

I am still alive and breathing. Just been having some computer issues. Very boring stuff so I won't elaborate.

But some great news is that my sweetie pie started school a couple of weeks ago. He loves it!!! I promise I will blog more extensively about it soon.

Jonesing for a Coke.

Well, I guess it is update time since it has been almost a month since I have blogged. It has been a crazy time.

After our Anniversary Celebration I prepared for a road trip to visit my grandparents 1,000 miles away. I had the house cleaned, the laundry done, the car serviced, new tires, and suitcases packed. I was emotionally, physically and mentally ready for this trip. We were scheduled to leave early Thursday morning. Wednesday afternoon our oldest son said that he was cold. Less than 30 minutes later he was lethargic and shivering with a temp of 102.8. My first thought was "What?" So we postponed the trip a day to see how he felt the next morning. Lets just say that he was not better the next day so I called the doctor to have him checked out. 30 minutes before we head that way and my other son starts in with a fever. They check them both out at the docs office only to find that they had Strep Throat. My little guy puked all over me in the office and then I had to still go to the pharmacy to pick up antibiotics. What a fun day. So we postponed the trip another day. By 4:00 pm Friday afternoon my sweet little boys were back to normal and running around. (sidenote- thank the Lord for prayer and anitbiotics!!!!) So we set off early Saturday morning and drove all day and made it to my grandparents 18 hours later. The boys did phenomenal. They have always been such great travelers. I have ridden with grown adults who are much more trouble.

We enjoyed a wonderful time with all of my family and friends. We were scheduled to stay about 10 days but my grandfather ended up having surgery and since my grandmother requires 24 hour care my mom and I stayed an extra week to help out. As it turned out my mom is still needed to help out and stayed behind indefinitley. But my sweet and awesome mother in law flew out on Tuesday so I had someone to ride back with the boys and I on Wednesday. We had a great trip back. I pulled up in my driveway about 12:30am and have spent the last 2 days recuperating. That word sounds funny since I haven't really done anything for the last 3 weeks but eat too much, talk too much, eat too much, and ingest waaaayyy tooooo much caffeine. I guess I have driven a total of 2240 miles. And yes, I drove all the way there and all the way back. Call it a sickeness if you like. I would rather drive than ride. Control freak? Yes, possibly.

So back to the caffeine thing......I was completely off caffeine before I left for vacation. I had lost some weight and was feeling pretty good about myself. But I had a problem once I got away. My favorite thing to do while vacationing is eat. I like to eat at all the places that we don't have around here. I ate at P.F. Changs twice. Taco Mayo more times than I can count. Cheezies 3 times. And I ate donuts from the bakery around the corner every other day. And you have to have a Coke to wash it all down, right? Well, at least I did.

So today I sit on my butt trying to NOT drink a Coke and wondering just how much weight I have gained. That is a question that will have to go unanswered because I don't plan to visit my old pal, the scale, until I am no longer bloated and hormonal. I just might not recover. Haha. So glad to be home with my hubby. 3 weeks is just toooooo long away from him and home.

Hmm, think I can take a vacation to recover from my other vacation?

So much to do this next month. I better just put on my big girl panties and deal.

"I Do" Again

Hubby & I renewed our vows Sunday afternoon. It was such a wonderful evening. Getting to celebrate with our friends and family and sharing that time with them was so nice. And standing in front of my handsome husband and saying our vows and reaffirming our love to each other and recommiting our hearts was sweeter than I could have imagined. I am so blessed!

My brother and his wife came over and he took pics of everything. When I get the pics from him I will post them. Thank you to everyone who was thinking and praying for us.

Happy Happy Joy Joy

Well there are many things that I could blog about today but since I am trying to be positive and uncomplaining those topics have become limited....hahaha

So today I thought I would blog about some things that make me happy.

I LOVE a good book. It is my first choice to escape the normalcy of life. In another life I would have liked to have been a writer, or an editor or even a person that just gets paid to read books. In the movie "Sabrina", her father takes a job as a chauffeur so he has plenty of time to read. Pretty sweet deal if you ask me.

I love the smell of Magnolia blossoms. That sweet citrus yumminess just makes me want to breathe deep and run around bare foot.

Hydrangeas, especially blue ones are the prettiest flower to me. They are so big and over the top and just make me smile. We had 2 huge bushes of them at our rental house when we first got married. The neighbor lady loved them as well. She would come over and get cuttings and then plant them at her house and they would always come up pink instead of blue. It drove her crazy. The pH was differenct and no matter how hard she tried she just could not get blue hydrangeas to grow in her yard. That house and the hydrangeas are gone now. Too bad.

Carrots!! I eat them every day. I love them and if I had to choose just one food to eat for the rest of my life it would be carrots. They are cold and crunchy and yummmy!!! But I only like them raw or slighty grilled. I can't stand a mushy carrots. Blech!

My boys laughing is so infectious. No matter how I am feeling it always perks me up and brings me back to the reality of how blessed I am. My children are healthy and growing and are a source of great joy for their daddy & me. They are so funny and interesting and unique. I love being their momma!!

I love our church! And our church family! And our Pastor & Pastors wife. So blessed that God led us to this new family.

Hubby & I just celebrated 10 years of marriage. We are throwing a party Sunday to celebrate and to renew our vows. Even sitting here now I cannot believe that I have been a wife for 10 years already. We have lived in our home now for almost 9 years. I have never lived in a house that long ever. We have brought our sons home to this house. We are raising them together in this home. It only seems fitting to renew our vows and to kick off the rest of our lives together here as well. I am looking forward to many more years together. I am so honored to be married to such a wonderful man. In this day of "throw away" everything I feel that we should be proud to have made it this far. Not getting cocky or anything. Every marriage can be improved upon and every couple needs to communicate to make sure they are both moving in the same direction. And most importantly keeping God first in the marriage. We have not arrived by any means but we have worked to get where we are and want to be an encouragement to others who are married and are wondering if they can make it. It may not be easy but it is definitley worth it! And a little tid bit of advice? Counseling is never a bad idea. Marriages can only be strengthened by opening up communication lines. And sometimes it is easier to do with a professional to help navigate unfamiliar waters. And here is something hubby & I learned. There is NO shame in asking and seeking help. And it is so easier to get back on track before things get way out of whack. I guess you could consider it a "tune up" for your marriage. (getting off my soap box)

I am looking forward to spending the rest of my life with the man God created just for me. And that makes me very happy.

Be blessed!

Stuffed Emotions

Today I was faced with some emotions that I apparently have been trying to stuff and not deal with. I know that I haven't used this blog to talk about really personal things in my life. I haven't felt that it was beneficial to air my laundry, dirty or otherwise. So without throwing any specifics out there I am just needing to vent.

Anger. An emotion that has me reeling right now. Today my son climbed up in my lap with tears in his eyes and broke down. His heart was breaking and there wasn't anything that I could say to make it better. I made a promise to myself when I gave birth to him to not lie to him, even if it was easier on me. So today I was at a loss of what to say to a 5 year old that would heal his heart without giving false hope and expectation. Nothing came to mind so I asked if I could pray for him. He said yes and then proceeded to bury his head in my chest and bawl. The kind of bawling that shakes your entire body. It broke my heart. I am his momma and I am supposed to be protecting him. Then came the anger. Anger at having to see my little guy so upset. Anger that I am put in the position to have to deal with this. Anger that I can't change the situation. Anger at a person that is so selfish right now that if I saw them I might just snap. As I held my son and we shared that moment of broken promises with hearts hurting and missing, he looked up at me and said "Why doesn't he listen to Jesus?" I wish I knew the answer but I don't. So all we could do was hold each other and cry and reflect on a time when things were different, better and a bit more simple. My little boy is becoming a young man and I was reminded how important my job as his momma is. I can't protect him from every negative thing in his life, but I can pray that he will rely on the Lord and walk through it with Him. I can teach and train him in the ways of the Lord. And I can teach him to love, even when it doesn't make sense, and is hard. And I can teach him to forgive. Reminders that I needed today. How can I teach if I am not doing? So it looks like I will be facing some feelings and emotions and "stuff" head on if I am gonna grow and mature and be the wife, mom and woman that God has created me to be. To be honest, I have been in "hide out" mode. That is not living in the fullness of all God has for me. But I have to let Him do His will in my life and do my part. Please pray for me and the family, especially my sweet little boys.
(btw, me & hubby are great. No worries there.)

Mothers Day

Yesterday was a wonderful day for this mommy. I was able to spend it with my wonderful husband, my sweet little boys, my mom, my mother in law, my sister and so many others. The weather was beautiful, the food phenomenal and the time spent with everyone is just what I wanted and needed. My mom decided that what she wanted for Mothers Day was to have everyone in her home and to cook a big lunch of roast and all the fixings. I tried to talk her out of it but you know how it is when a momma makes up her mind....haha. So I told her that I would bring dessert. She loves marble cake(who doesn't?) and so I made a pretty cake fit for the occasion. It didn't turn out exactly like I envisioned it but it tasted yummy.

Me & my handsome husband (who did an excellent job in picking out my gift)

Me & my big man

Me and my littlest man

Me & my momma (the bestest mom in the whole world)

Me & my sister (who is a wonderful momma)

Me & my Mother in Law (such a sweet lady)


Such a wonderful day!!! Hope everyone else had a great day too!!

Blessings

Last week my mom asked me to help her finish up a pianting job. My sister offered to watch my boys so I could help. My mom is one of the most giving people in the world and so I said "yes". After all I enjoy painting and I could use a day without the kiddos. So off we went to paint a bathroom.

We got there and began cleaning and priming. The lady who owned the house came in and told me that she was moving and was getting rid of alot of the "stuff" that accumulated over the years. She had the radio on a Christian station and mom and I painted and listened. As the time went by I began to feel the presence of the Lord so strongly in her home. It was apparent that she was a woman that had invited the Lord in and lived in a way that would please Him. I was so blessed just being in her home. I cried and cried and laughed. It was a new and interesting experience for me. The Lord used her and her home to bless me so much that day.

We were about halfway through our day when she came in and asked if I had any Fine China dishes. When I got married 10 years ago I was so anti-tradition that I didn't even register for any. I thought it was a waste of money. But as I have gotten older I have wished so many times that I had some nice pretty dishes when company comes over. So I told her that I didn't have any and told her the story behind it. Then she showed me some beautiful Norcrest China and told me that I could have them. I was floored. They were so delicate and feminine and gorgeous. She started packing them up for me and put them by the front door. I was speechless. Then she asked if I had anyplace to put them. I told her I had a small hutch. Then she offered me a huge hutch from her dining room. I had noticed the hutch earlier and had thought to myself that I loved and it was sooooo cute. I didn't know what to say. She said that she would like to give it to me as well. All I had to do was to come and pick it up. About 15 minutes later she came to me with a wooden case and opened it. It was a silver set. Real silver. I have never had anything like that before. She put it with the dishes. She was so generous and giving. And she did so with such a joyful heart. It was such a blessing.

I went that day thinking that I would be able to be a blessing to someone and the Lord blessed me beyond my imagination. I now have a beautiul hutch with lovely China displayed on it and Silver to boot. These are all just material things but the Lord has used this experience to teach me so much.

I think God likes to just show off sometimes. He orchestrated that day to bless everyone. He blessed me while I worked and then added some fluff just because He can. The lady got her rooms painted and I was able to learn from her.

So I have been thinking that the Lord is alot like that lady. So often He wants to bless us but we never put ourselves in a position to be in the place where He can. If I hadn't gone that day I would not be the new owner of a hutch, China and Silver. It is just that simple. How many times have I missed out on Gods blessing because I didn't go or do the things God asked of me? He desires to pour out blessings in our lives. He longs to do things so great and above what we can conceive. Let's make sure we are in position to receive.

Have a great Mothers Day!!!!! And be blessed!

Job 10:12 You have granted me life and favor, and Your providence has preserved my spirit.
By the way.....aren't these the cutest little boys you have ever seen? These are my two little guys and my two nephews.

Things To Remember

My oldest sweetie pie has been playing tee ball for the last couple weeks. He is having fun and is improving each time he hits the field. I am not particularly blessed with athletic prowess so we are doing what we can.
As I sit in the bleachers with the other parents, grandparents and other random family members of the kids, I have been overhearing some interesting comments. Most of them are complaining about having to sit and watch little kids play ball. I realize that some of the these families may be on their 3 or 4th child and that they may have all of them playing sports and that watching all of the games that implies takes a great deal of time. But I hope and pray that I do not turn into one of those parents, especially actually voicing those "inside thoughts" to the world, within earshot of my children.
So I have decided to make a list of things that I encounter in my own life everyday that seem ordinary or even annoying that I know I will miss when they are no longer a part of my day.

1. Hearing "mommy" said, whispered, yelled, giggled and repeated over 1,000 times a day even when the boys have no reason for needing to get my attention. I think they just like to see my face get red.

2. Cooking dinner only to have the boys inform me that they want something else. (tough for them, by the way....once momma cooks something that is what is for dinner...period)

3. Making beds. Doesn't take alot of time and I know that when they grow up and move out I will miss it.

4. Washing clothes, especially their little clothes. The number of loads will only increase as they and their clothes get bigger.

5. Giving them baths. I have to admit this is NOT my favorite activity, never has been. If that makes me a bad mom......well then alright. But one day they will want to take a big boy shower all by themselves and I will have to stress about whether they washed every area of their bodies if you know what I mean....

6. Cleaning up after them.....all day long. And I might miss cleaning up spilled water or milk or whatever else my youngest was drinking. The record is 3 times in one day. Hoping that stays the record.

7. Watching or listening to PBS, and any number of kids movies that they have. The funniest thing is that my boys inherited my and hubbys talent for talking in movie quotes. There are afternoons when they are playing together and the only conversation between them are scenes from certain movies and cartoons, complete with voice inflection and acting out.

8. Sweeping the floors to get rid of the sand and dirt that they tracked in from playing outside digging in the dirt. They love it!!!I love watching them.

9. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I will miss seeing them learn something new, mastering a new skill and my most favorite, reading to them. They love to sit on either side and have me read books. Reading is my all-time favorite past-time so I am hoping to pass it down.

10. And the most precious of all the "ordinary" day to day items is saying our prayers as a family each night and hearing our sweet boys pray to the Lord and knowing that they understand what they are saying and that they love the Lord. It melts my hear everytime. Oh how I will miss that when they are grown and living on their own.

I know that I will have many more years of enjoying them but I thought that I needed to remind myself to not take the days I have with them now for granted. I urge you to do the same. I don't want to look back on this time in our lives together and regret anything. Time and life is too precious.

Be blessed and have a great weekend!!!

The Bathroom

****Update- when I reference "we" in the posts about the renovation I mean me, hubby and my mom. She is so talented and we couldn't have done it all without her help.***


Here are some pics of the bathroom before. I am terrible about remembering to photograph projects so these don't really show the magnitude of how weird it was.

When you walked into the bathroom the toilet was right inside the door to the left. Right next to the toilet was a tiny pedestal stink. And then there was a wall right next to it that was the end of the shower. It was all crowded onto one wall. There were some built in shelves as you came into the door on the right. Not the best layout at all.







We ripped everything out all the way back to the studs. We even took the floor out down to the joists. When my hubby ripped the tub out (which was an ancient fiberglass unit) we found that they had covered up a window. Yippee!!

We redesigned the entire layout of the room. Moved plumbing, added electric, put up and finished sheetrock, painted, put in the bathtub and vanity and toilet. We are very pleased with ourselves. Especially the part where we saved a ton of money by doing most of it ourselves. We hired out the electric and some of the plumbing. But everything else we did. It isn't decorated yet and the shower curtain isn't up. But you can get the idea.



The view from the doorway.




Okay I am having some issues uploading the pics. I will try again tomorrow with more pics.