Meltdown Monday is what I am gonna call it. I woke up tired. So did the boys. And now there are lots of bad attitudes and hollering and tears and crying.
And there isn't even any chocolate in the house, thanks to the mice, which are all gone now thank you very much. But not before I had to throw out everything in my pantry. On the bright side.....my pantry hasn't been this clean in years.
The good news? We are all healthy and I have the tremendous blessing of being the person at home everyday with them to witness such moments...haha
Is it bad that I am wanting to laugh right now at the behavior of my boys? They are yelling and being bossy and crying. I think I may be having a breakdown.....not really.
About Me
- PraiseJunky
- I am a wife, a mommy, a home educator, and domestic goddess, a sister, a daughter, a friend, a musician, a reader, a writer, and a lover of Jesus Christ.
Monday, August 30, 2010
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Yes, I swiped This From Her Blog
Today I was reading through some of my fave blogs and came upon Bring The Rain (her blog is listed in my blog list, check her out, you won't be dissapointed. Her journey is one of heartache and loss and the love of Jesus) Anyway, I haven't read her blog in a while because sometimes she can be so in my face about the things of God. She makes mistakes. She talks about them. She isn't perfect and she doesn't pretend to be. She is just a woman that is loved of God and loves God with all her heart. And when I read her blog it touches a place in my heart that I have been trying to keep hidden and protected. But today I let the wall come down enough to click on her blog. And of course God used her to minister to me in a big way. I just had to share just in case anyone else needed to read this today. God knows who it is. Love you guys!!! Her blog starts with the stars.
******It won't come as a surprise to most of you that I'm a little Type A about things. Not even important things, necessarily. For example, I can't keep all the dog hair off the ground but if a recipe calls for a teaspoon, it's painful for me to try and "guesstimate" without the actual measuring spoon. Weird, I know.
Last week I had an epiphany about my prayer life and it's probably going to look pitiful on paper but it really did make a big difference to me and I want to share it in the event that you can relate. When I talk to the Lord, I have realized I do it like He doesn't know who I am. I originally thought I had to be on my knees next to my bed (left side, candle burning) in order for Him to hear me but then years later I rebelled and just did it while sitting straight up. I like to push the envelope, what can I say?
It seemed like I was still connecting despite the fact that I wasn't following my little rules, so I went with it. I became accustomed to just talking to Him wherever I was (madness, I tell you), but until recently I didn't realize that I still had some learning to do. I'm kind of laughing as I write this because it sounds funny to even say, but the truth is that I typically pray like this:
"Dear Jesus (wait until He has had a chance to turn His eternal gaze on me instead of the other thing He was doing. Not scripturally accurate but nonetheless, I do), I would like to lift up so-and-so to you. She is really processing her divorce and I'm concerned for her. Lord, what can I do to help? What should I be saying to her?"
It goes on like this for a few minutes, me talking like I'm talking to a psychiatrist who just pulled my file. And sometimes (gasp!) I get distracted and then I start over. "Sorry Lord. I just started thinking about how this other person really irritates me and I kind of chased the rabbit trail a little. I also ate some Little Debbie Swiss Cake Rolls but now I'm back and I'm ready to focus."
It's like I have to have a powerpoint presentation before I feel like I've prayed efficiently.
For crying out loud, how weird is that? And yet, some of you are nodding your heads right now because you have felt the same thing. You feel like you're talking to Someone Who has other things to do and you just want to walk away feeling like you did it "right." Because certainly the God of the heavens can't piece it together if I don't help Him out.
Last night Amy (from Selah) and I were getting ready to go to a movie (Inception, if you must know. And don't think the irony isn't lost on me. And also, I'm still confused about the whole thing, start to finish). Charlotte was crying about something and Todd had taken her into the bedroom to try and calm her down. It wasn't going very well so he brought her back out and Amy took her. All the while I was acutely aware that she wanted to be swaddled, turned slightly into someone's chest with her pacifier in her mouth and her lamb making the ocean wave sound. I'm pretty sure Miss Kelsey (who has saved our lives and is currently watching the kids so I can hide in the bedroom and write) just shouted Amen because she knows the drill too. But it's a recent development and Todd was out of town for a few days so he didn't know about the magic of the lamb (once again, the irony is kind of like a sack of potatoes falling on my head. Subtle, you know?).
I picked her up and walked her into her nursery and a few minutes later she was completely asleep and Todd came in to see what I had done to calm her down. After he walked out I continued to rock her and I had one of those moments where you just know the Lord is trying to impress something upon your heart so you listen.
She didn't say a thing. She didn't label her needs and desires with boxes to check off. You knew them already because you know her. You know the sound of her hungry cry and the sound she makes when she's falling asleep contented. You don't need her to explain, because you love her well enough to know.
Well, that's because I'm her mother. Naturally I know.
And exactly Who do you think I am?
God likes to trump me with one-liners. He knows I appreciate timing and punch.
I start to realize that I pray to Him as if He doesn't already know everything. As if I'm another customer in the long line of people Who want to talk to Him. I'm like three steps away from making an appointment.
I don't even hear the little Lamb playing because I'm so darned convinced that I need to show Him where the swaddle is. He doesn't need a preface. He doesn't want a 5 step plan. He wants me to be with Him. I have this weighted feeling that if I forget to pray specifically, it won't happen. If someone writes me and asks me to pray for their child and I screw up and forget, what will happen? It will all fall apart, right? Because it was dependent on me to explain. He didn't understand and I would have been the one person who could have intervened. Logic at it's finest, folks. Hope you picked up on that.
I know it in my head and I believe I love Him this way but for some reason the praying is different. When I saw Charlotte sleeping I knew He was trying to teach me something that would deepen our relationship. Instead of rattling off a list last night, I laid in bed (Oh yes I did. And He heard me anyway) and I thought of a person in my life who has really wounded me. As the face of that person sat in my mind, I just let it sit. I didn't try to pepper it with my side or explain how wronged I had been, I just rested knowing that He knew it already. And it was a relief. And then He told me I was right and that person was wrong, wrong, wrong. Well, I'm pretty sure anyway.
I freak out when I don't have control (airplanes, anyone? I'd probably be fine if I was the pilot!) and I feel the need to fill in all the gaps. I'm really going to try and change this, and I have worked out a very specific checklist in order to free myself from it.
That last part was a joke. Kind of.
I want to let Him be Him in my prayer. I want to be able to rest knowing that I don't have to work to pray, because He is in the business of knowing already. Does that make sense? If not, you should see Inception because this will be really simple after that.
I just wanted to encourage you all to reach out to the God who has already filled the gaps, and embrace Him as the Father Who doesn't need anything from you. You are freed from responsibility, and enabled, through grace, to be a part of the miracle.
Ahhh. Doesn't that feel nice?
Rest in Him today, friend.
With much love and an alarming selection of highlighters,
Ang*******
******It won't come as a surprise to most of you that I'm a little Type A about things. Not even important things, necessarily. For example, I can't keep all the dog hair off the ground but if a recipe calls for a teaspoon, it's painful for me to try and "guesstimate" without the actual measuring spoon. Weird, I know.
Last week I had an epiphany about my prayer life and it's probably going to look pitiful on paper but it really did make a big difference to me and I want to share it in the event that you can relate. When I talk to the Lord, I have realized I do it like He doesn't know who I am. I originally thought I had to be on my knees next to my bed (left side, candle burning) in order for Him to hear me but then years later I rebelled and just did it while sitting straight up. I like to push the envelope, what can I say?
It seemed like I was still connecting despite the fact that I wasn't following my little rules, so I went with it. I became accustomed to just talking to Him wherever I was (madness, I tell you), but until recently I didn't realize that I still had some learning to do. I'm kind of laughing as I write this because it sounds funny to even say, but the truth is that I typically pray like this:
"Dear Jesus (wait until He has had a chance to turn His eternal gaze on me instead of the other thing He was doing. Not scripturally accurate but nonetheless, I do), I would like to lift up so-and-so to you. She is really processing her divorce and I'm concerned for her. Lord, what can I do to help? What should I be saying to her?"
It goes on like this for a few minutes, me talking like I'm talking to a psychiatrist who just pulled my file. And sometimes (gasp!) I get distracted and then I start over. "Sorry Lord. I just started thinking about how this other person really irritates me and I kind of chased the rabbit trail a little. I also ate some Little Debbie Swiss Cake Rolls but now I'm back and I'm ready to focus."
It's like I have to have a powerpoint presentation before I feel like I've prayed efficiently.
For crying out loud, how weird is that? And yet, some of you are nodding your heads right now because you have felt the same thing. You feel like you're talking to Someone Who has other things to do and you just want to walk away feeling like you did it "right." Because certainly the God of the heavens can't piece it together if I don't help Him out.
Last night Amy (from Selah) and I were getting ready to go to a movie (Inception, if you must know. And don't think the irony isn't lost on me. And also, I'm still confused about the whole thing, start to finish). Charlotte was crying about something and Todd had taken her into the bedroom to try and calm her down. It wasn't going very well so he brought her back out and Amy took her. All the while I was acutely aware that she wanted to be swaddled, turned slightly into someone's chest with her pacifier in her mouth and her lamb making the ocean wave sound. I'm pretty sure Miss Kelsey (who has saved our lives and is currently watching the kids so I can hide in the bedroom and write) just shouted Amen because she knows the drill too. But it's a recent development and Todd was out of town for a few days so he didn't know about the magic of the lamb (once again, the irony is kind of like a sack of potatoes falling on my head. Subtle, you know?).
I picked her up and walked her into her nursery and a few minutes later she was completely asleep and Todd came in to see what I had done to calm her down. After he walked out I continued to rock her and I had one of those moments where you just know the Lord is trying to impress something upon your heart so you listen.
She didn't say a thing. She didn't label her needs and desires with boxes to check off. You knew them already because you know her. You know the sound of her hungry cry and the sound she makes when she's falling asleep contented. You don't need her to explain, because you love her well enough to know.
Well, that's because I'm her mother. Naturally I know.
And exactly Who do you think I am?
God likes to trump me with one-liners. He knows I appreciate timing and punch.
I start to realize that I pray to Him as if He doesn't already know everything. As if I'm another customer in the long line of people Who want to talk to Him. I'm like three steps away from making an appointment.
I don't even hear the little Lamb playing because I'm so darned convinced that I need to show Him where the swaddle is. He doesn't need a preface. He doesn't want a 5 step plan. He wants me to be with Him. I have this weighted feeling that if I forget to pray specifically, it won't happen. If someone writes me and asks me to pray for their child and I screw up and forget, what will happen? It will all fall apart, right? Because it was dependent on me to explain. He didn't understand and I would have been the one person who could have intervened. Logic at it's finest, folks. Hope you picked up on that.
I know it in my head and I believe I love Him this way but for some reason the praying is different. When I saw Charlotte sleeping I knew He was trying to teach me something that would deepen our relationship. Instead of rattling off a list last night, I laid in bed (Oh yes I did. And He heard me anyway) and I thought of a person in my life who has really wounded me. As the face of that person sat in my mind, I just let it sit. I didn't try to pepper it with my side or explain how wronged I had been, I just rested knowing that He knew it already. And it was a relief. And then He told me I was right and that person was wrong, wrong, wrong. Well, I'm pretty sure anyway.
I freak out when I don't have control (airplanes, anyone? I'd probably be fine if I was the pilot!) and I feel the need to fill in all the gaps. I'm really going to try and change this, and I have worked out a very specific checklist in order to free myself from it.
That last part was a joke. Kind of.
I want to let Him be Him in my prayer. I want to be able to rest knowing that I don't have to work to pray, because He is in the business of knowing already. Does that make sense? If not, you should see Inception because this will be really simple after that.
I just wanted to encourage you all to reach out to the God who has already filled the gaps, and embrace Him as the Father Who doesn't need anything from you. You are freed from responsibility, and enabled, through grace, to be a part of the miracle.
Ahhh. Doesn't that feel nice?
Rest in Him today, friend.
With much love and an alarming selection of highlighters,
Ang*******
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
What?
So this morning I have some questions to throw out there.
Why is that everytime I am "Next Blogging" I end up with an endless stream of cycling blogs? I do not cycle, I haven't rode a bicycle since I was in college and I don't even own a bicycle. And yet, I keep running into multiple blogs about it. Hmm...
And why do my favorite jeans smell like they are on fire? I bought them about 5 months ago and no matter how many times I wash them they still smell like I have just run out of a burning building. I know it is the dye in them but come on...enough is enough. Any suggestions to de-odorize them?
Why do these political parties keep calling me? Even after I tell them that I do not live in the state they are running for office? Now they have started leaving voicemail messages....ugh! Hopefully they will stop once the elections are over.
Why does the mouse that is living in my house feel like he has a right to be here? And how does the disgusting vermin manage to keep avoiding the nice traps I keep leaving for him?
Why have I not heard about the flooding in Pakistan until today? The news report said that millions are homeless with the potential for almost a million more to lose their homes. The flooding has been going on for almost a month. The report stated that the world has been slow to offer aid. I wonder why? Maybe it is because the media and those behind it haven't been as up front with is as they could have been. Why is a tragedy in one part of the world given a telethon and 24/7 news coverage for months while others are all but ignored?
Why is that everytime I am "Next Blogging" I end up with an endless stream of cycling blogs? I do not cycle, I haven't rode a bicycle since I was in college and I don't even own a bicycle. And yet, I keep running into multiple blogs about it. Hmm...
And why do my favorite jeans smell like they are on fire? I bought them about 5 months ago and no matter how many times I wash them they still smell like I have just run out of a burning building. I know it is the dye in them but come on...enough is enough. Any suggestions to de-odorize them?
Why do these political parties keep calling me? Even after I tell them that I do not live in the state they are running for office? Now they have started leaving voicemail messages....ugh! Hopefully they will stop once the elections are over.
Why does the mouse that is living in my house feel like he has a right to be here? And how does the disgusting vermin manage to keep avoiding the nice traps I keep leaving for him?
Why have I not heard about the flooding in Pakistan until today? The news report said that millions are homeless with the potential for almost a million more to lose their homes. The flooding has been going on for almost a month. The report stated that the world has been slow to offer aid. I wonder why? Maybe it is because the media and those behind it haven't been as up front with is as they could have been. Why is a tragedy in one part of the world given a telethon and 24/7 news coverage for months while others are all but ignored?
Monday, August 23, 2010
Some Randomness This Monday
I have a few potential blog posts rattling around in the ole noggin but they all seemed a bit serious for today. So I thought I would post some random goings on from around here. (yes, I realize that I completely butchered the English language and I don't care....just the odd ball mood I am in today)
1. My younger little man is having a harder time adjusting to Big man going to school than his brother is. He is missing him so much. It makes my heart smile when I see how excited they are to see each other after school.
2. There is nothing in the world more precious than to hear your children pray and sing songs to our Heavenly Father. My two sweet boys have had me in tears for days. They sing and approach God with such sincerity and silliness all at the same time. I pray that they stay that way and don't allow us grown ups teach to them to not do it that way. If only we could once again approach God without all the junk.
3. My two little boys laughing at each other is my favorite sound in the world.
4. My hubby's birthday is today. I would write a huge paragraph to him but he does not read my blog. He doesn't "get it" ;)
5. I am in the middle of cleaning out stuff from our house. The boys and their stuff keeps getting bigger and it is making my home feel smaller. By the time they graduate I will be a minimalist I think.
6. Rubbing alcohol gets stains out of furniture. Who knew? My sis told me this tip.
7. I haven't had pizza in a few weeks. Beginning to get the shakes. Must have Mellow Mushroom or Red Elephant soon.....very soon. (must find some $ to get to eat pizza)
8. Oh, how I miss DVR......yes, I am that superficial.
9. It disturbs me when people pass up dessert. What is that about? Are they genuinely not interested? Are they dieting and want everyone else to know? Are they trying to prove something but showing me that they don't "need" dessert? I mean, I don't need it either, I just want it really bad. And I hate that it is bad manners to ask for their portion if they aren't going to eat it. What a waste!
10. This week I love Ginger Ale.
11. They should change the motto of Publix to "Publix, a happy place".
12. Still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up.
13. Hubby & I are stepping out to lead the 20's group at church. It is going to be stretching us and we are not sure what is going to come of it. But we do have peace and know that God would not have asked us to do this if He didn't have a plan for our growth and for our good. It is kinda depressing that I am old enough to be leading this group. They picked us because we were out of our 20's but still "young" enough to relate. Should be an adventure.
14. Needing an accountablity partner.
15. My hubby and my two boys bring me so much joy. I am overwhelmed with how blessed I am. I may not be able to see down the road of our lives but right now I am loving our life and know that God has good things in store.
1. My younger little man is having a harder time adjusting to Big man going to school than his brother is. He is missing him so much. It makes my heart smile when I see how excited they are to see each other after school.
2. There is nothing in the world more precious than to hear your children pray and sing songs to our Heavenly Father. My two sweet boys have had me in tears for days. They sing and approach God with such sincerity and silliness all at the same time. I pray that they stay that way and don't allow us grown ups teach to them to not do it that way. If only we could once again approach God without all the junk.
3. My two little boys laughing at each other is my favorite sound in the world.
4. My hubby's birthday is today. I would write a huge paragraph to him but he does not read my blog. He doesn't "get it" ;)
5. I am in the middle of cleaning out stuff from our house. The boys and their stuff keeps getting bigger and it is making my home feel smaller. By the time they graduate I will be a minimalist I think.
6. Rubbing alcohol gets stains out of furniture. Who knew? My sis told me this tip.
7. I haven't had pizza in a few weeks. Beginning to get the shakes. Must have Mellow Mushroom or Red Elephant soon.....very soon. (must find some $ to get to eat pizza)
8. Oh, how I miss DVR......yes, I am that superficial.
9. It disturbs me when people pass up dessert. What is that about? Are they genuinely not interested? Are they dieting and want everyone else to know? Are they trying to prove something but showing me that they don't "need" dessert? I mean, I don't need it either, I just want it really bad. And I hate that it is bad manners to ask for their portion if they aren't going to eat it. What a waste!
10. This week I love Ginger Ale.
11. They should change the motto of Publix to "Publix, a happy place".
12. Still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up.
13. Hubby & I are stepping out to lead the 20's group at church. It is going to be stretching us and we are not sure what is going to come of it. But we do have peace and know that God would not have asked us to do this if He didn't have a plan for our growth and for our good. It is kinda depressing that I am old enough to be leading this group. They picked us because we were out of our 20's but still "young" enough to relate. Should be an adventure.
14. Needing an accountablity partner.
15. My hubby and my two boys bring me so much joy. I am overwhelmed with how blessed I am. I may not be able to see down the road of our lives but right now I am loving our life and know that God has good things in store.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
needing a breather
Finding myself in this moment feeling stressed and aggrivated. My chest is tight and I could probably cry at any moment. Nothing in particular wrong just a feeling. And when I get to feeling this way I usually try to breath out some of the stress. I guess I do it more often than I realized because my 5 year old was sitting at the bar eating a few days ago and his brother was bothering him. Instead of arguing with him or fussing back, I just saw him take a huge breath in and then blow it really slow out his mouth. He had to have seen me do that. Whoops!!
I am having an interesting time adjusting to this whole school thing. My big man is doing great and loves it. And it has been good for me to have something to do everyday and a certain time that it has to be done. But I feel like I haven't gotten to spend "family time" with my boys these last few weeks. He is busy with school during the week and the past 2 weekends we have had something to do each day of the weekend whether it was birthday parties or funerals or wedding showers. All these things are great and we have enjoyed them but I am wanting a day that we get to just veg out at home and just be together. Guess I should just get over it and be thankful for the time I do have. Lesson for today......God wants to squeeze the selfishness right out of me. It can't be about me all the time. Something to ponder today.
I am having an interesting time adjusting to this whole school thing. My big man is doing great and loves it. And it has been good for me to have something to do everyday and a certain time that it has to be done. But I feel like I haven't gotten to spend "family time" with my boys these last few weeks. He is busy with school during the week and the past 2 weekends we have had something to do each day of the weekend whether it was birthday parties or funerals or wedding showers. All these things are great and we have enjoyed them but I am wanting a day that we get to just veg out at home and just be together. Guess I should just get over it and be thankful for the time I do have. Lesson for today......God wants to squeeze the selfishness right out of me. It can't be about me all the time. Something to ponder today.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Prideful in Grace?
As I was loading the dishwasher earlier I heard a song that I have heard a hundred times before. But this time it somehow crept its way past my ears, past that part of my brain that senses and filters the familiar and entered my heart. It spoke to me about my arrogance and pride about the grace of God.
I have grown up in church, heard the gospel message a million times, listened to thousands of sermons, read scripture, participated in Bible studies. And through it all I have always been certain that Jesus Christ died on the cross for my sin. I know this fact through and through. But perhaps I know it too well. Have I really considered the cost?
The song spoke of "would you take the place of this man?" This man being Jesus. He took my place. The life I have lived on my own demands death as a penalty. But I feel that in our world of comfort and convenience that I have never fully allowed myself to really let myself think and feel what that means. Instead I have accepted that Jesus did it all for me and then become prideful and arrogant of that fact. God's grace is given freely but I need to remember what it cost Him to give it to me. I need to live my life mindful of what He did for me and remember that while I never deserved His sacrifice, He still sacrificed so that I might know Him. Really know Him. His Grace and salvation are wonderful but He is expecting more of me. And to walk it out I need to remember everyday where I would be without Him. I can't do it on my own. It is only through Him that I stand a chance to live the life He intended for me. And since He has done it all, I need to be thankful and humbled.
I have grown up in church, heard the gospel message a million times, listened to thousands of sermons, read scripture, participated in Bible studies. And through it all I have always been certain that Jesus Christ died on the cross for my sin. I know this fact through and through. But perhaps I know it too well. Have I really considered the cost?
The song spoke of "would you take the place of this man?" This man being Jesus. He took my place. The life I have lived on my own demands death as a penalty. But I feel that in our world of comfort and convenience that I have never fully allowed myself to really let myself think and feel what that means. Instead I have accepted that Jesus did it all for me and then become prideful and arrogant of that fact. God's grace is given freely but I need to remember what it cost Him to give it to me. I need to live my life mindful of what He did for me and remember that while I never deserved His sacrifice, He still sacrificed so that I might know Him. Really know Him. His Grace and salvation are wonderful but He is expecting more of me. And to walk it out I need to remember everyday where I would be without Him. I can't do it on my own. It is only through Him that I stand a chance to live the life He intended for me. And since He has done it all, I need to be thankful and humbled.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Still Here
I am still alive and breathing. Just been having some computer issues. Very boring stuff so I won't elaborate.
But some great news is that my sweetie pie started school a couple of weeks ago. He loves it!!! I promise I will blog more extensively about it soon.
But some great news is that my sweetie pie started school a couple of weeks ago. He loves it!!! I promise I will blog more extensively about it soon.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)