Just some thoughts

I realized this morning that I never followed through on my movie quote blog. Sorry, it has been crazy around here but I will get it posted sometime.

I have been feeling a little melancholy the past few days. You all read about little bit moving up to his big boy bed. But I have been really bummed about it. Not that he is in a different bed but because it means that I do not have a baby in my house anymore. We took down his crib and put it in the attic for my sister. Then we went through all of the toys and stuffed animals and bagged up a bunch to give away. I always wanted a house full of kids. I grew up as the oldest of four kids and we always had at least one or two extra kids at our house at any given time. My mom watched other kids. And then my 3 cousins came to live with us for a while. During that stretch it was not odd to have 9 kids, ranging from 9 months to 13 years old running around while my mom was cooking dinner. So I was comfortable with kids and I thought that I would have a house full.

Then I met my hubby. I love him so much and I wouldn't trade him for anything. But he did not grow up like I did. There are 6 years between he and his sister. I am sure that they had friends come over but they did not have other kids live with them or anything. And he was not around children growing up at all. So when it came time for the "children talk" we were at complete opposite ends of the discussion. I wanted as many as God would give us and he wasn't sure he wanted any. Needless to say I was very frustrated and aggrivated by this. Then came "the List". You women know about the list, right? The list that the man has that has all of the stuff he wants to have or do before he has kids. Well, everytime we would knock something off of the list he would add something else onto the bottom. Meanwhile my biological clock was ticking pretty loudly. It was getting so loud that it was really making me a grumpy person. LOL

Then in April 2004 we were at a church service with a visiting speaker. He called us up to the front and said that he had a word from the Lord for us. He said that we would have a child before the year was over. I was so excited! And my hubby said that for the first time ever he felt a peace about having children and being a daddy. The Lord spoke to his fears and doubts and told him that it was okay to have kids. What we didn't know was that I was already pregnant. I think that God is so awesome that He took the time to reassure my hubby and I before we found out.

Fast forward 8 months to December and the birth of Reid. What a blessing! But because of complications afterward the doctors said that having more children increased my chances for more problems. But I knew that God put the desire for more children in me and hubby & I decided to try for one more. Fast forward to December 2006 and the birth of Pierce. Another sweet blessing!! Then came the tough decision to have a tubal. I didn't really want to but I felt that it was the best thing since I didn't want to have any further complications and risk leaving my two sweet boys without their mommy. God had already saved my life once and I didn't want to push it. It seemed like a good compromise. Hubby didn't want any and I wanted a Dozen, so two seemed perfect. And it still does but that doesn't mean that I still don't get a little melancholy knowing that this stage of our family is over. I am not sure why I wrote all of that this morning. Maybe it was just to process some things and for my own benefit. So I guess I will just have to borrow my sweet nephews and love on them. They are such cuties!!!

So to help myself I am going to take a lesson from Mrs. Sofa and write out how I feel. (for those who haven't read her blog, this is supposed to be sarcastic)

I Will Not miss waking up in the middle of the night to nurse and hold my beautiful boys.

I Will Not miss that new baby smell.

I Will Not miss seeing them smile for the first time. Crawling, sitting up, walking for the first time.

I Will Not miss giving them cereal for the first time.

I Will miss diapers.

I Will miss carrying around a diaper bag.

I Will Not miss just sitting and holding my boys while they are asleep.

I Will Not miss being able to put them somewhere and knowing that they can't go anywhere else.

I could go on forever but I won't.

Enough of that. So now I look to the future and the new things on store for my boys and our family. With the passing of every season comes a new season with its own joys and I will choose to think on those. I know that those reading have children in all ranges of ages and stages so I know that I have some kindred spirits out there. We are all truly blessed! Blessed by the Lord.