My God Is Enough

My God is enough for me today. Needing to remind myself.....and perhaps someone else. He is enough, no matter what.

If you can't beat them, join them

The last few weeks have been a lesson on patience and determination. I have struggled with our boys and their apathy in regards to school. It has made me question my abilities, my purpose, my approach and has left me tired.  I know that a couple weeks off always makes getting back into the groove difficult, but this has seemed like something else. I have been praying and attempting to talk reasonably with the boys. But after 2 weeks of saying the same thing over & over again, I kind of snapped. I laid down the law and did not allow them to express an opinion. The day went much smoother. I think my insecurities and doubt had spread and left them feeling like they could choose to NOT do school. I know that at times I would rather read than do the dishes, and so I do. I thought that I was teaching them to enjoy each day as it came but I think I have inadvertently taught them to procrastinate and to put off what they do not enjoy doing. NOT the lesson I hoped for.  So as I have been praying and seeking the Lord, I have heard him speak that I need to teach by example....not just teaching school subjects but how to live this life successfully and in a way that is pleasing to the Lord. It is time to step up and do better. Maya Angelou said "You did what you knew, and when you knew better, you did better".  So it is time to do better. I am praying for direction and divine inspiration. I am also praying that the Lord will help me to live MY life in a way that is pleasing to Him and is an example of goldy living that leads to a successful and joy-filled life.

Having A Day

Having a day...

when I feel overwhelmed.
when I feel under equipped.
when I feel WAY too hormonal.
when I want to eat chocolate.
when I want to cry.
when I feel sad.
when I feel happy.
when I feel like a failure.
when I can't seem to form a cohesive thought.
when I don't know how to help.
when I need encouragement.
when I need constructive criticism.
when every other song I hear makes me want to dance.
when every other song I hear makes me cry.
when I wish.........
when I need a friend.
when I realize that I am not the kind of friend I would like to have.
when I miss my hubby, even though we live in the same house.
when I am thankful.
when I wonder if I what I am doing is working.
when I miss family.
when I want to laugh.
when I need help.

Today I am a mother. Today I am a wife. Today I am the daughter of the King. And today that is enough...even if my flesh says something different.

Sun, sun, sun

Today the sun is shining. A nice change from the wet, wet conditions of the last 2 months. Our yard looks like a mud pit. I can't back out of the driveway without slipping and sliding in the dark brown ruts. All three of my fellas are working in the yard. What a nice day!

I am having a hard time organizing any kind of coherent, cohesive blog post so I thought I might try a Top Ten Random post.

Top Ten Favorites of the Moment:

1. Favorite Song: Beneath The Waters by Hillsong

2.Favorite Book: Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers

3. Favorite Food: Italian

4. Favorite Dessert: Moms Marble Cake from Food Glorious Food

5. Favorite Past-time: Reading, spending time with my family and those sweet conversations with my best-est girl friends

6. Favorite Chore to Avoid: mopping floors

7. Favorite Blog to Read: Fearfully Wonderfully by my awesome sister in law, Christy

8. Favorite Time of Day: as a night owl, I have to admit to the midnight hour.

9. Favorite Subject to Teach our boys: pretty much anything the gets them excited.....but I am hoping that they will love to read and write as much as their momma.

10. Favorite Sound: I have 2......the sound of our boys laughing together and our oldest son playing the piano. We are working on being able to record this songs so everyone else can enjoy them too. They are able to touch a place in my heart that not much else can.

I hope to be able to put together an update post soon.

A New School Year

Last week started a new school year at our house.  The boys were excited seeing all of their books and curriculum arrive in the mail. I was excited to have "things" to do to fill the long hours of summertime. We were very relaxed this summer and took a little over 2 months off. So it was time.

I decided to purchase curriculum this year that would allow me to teach both boys together. Last year I found it difficult to keep them separated...was also a lot more hours of prep and teaching. So I was excited that the youngest is now reading and writing and that we can study together.

I am continuing with Abeka for Language with both boys this year. First & Third grades. I learned phonics and reading with Abeka and it is working well for us. I am adding in some different handwriting and reading to supplement.

We love Alpha Omegas Horizons Math. This is our third year using it and we don't plan to change anytime soon. (First & Third grades)

We are using Apologia Astronomy for our science. The boys love it so far!

Road Trip USA by Confessions of a Homeschooler is our choice for Geography. The boys are enjoying it a lot! And so am I!

Apologia's Who Is God? is what we are using for Bible. It got lost in the mail so I just received it this week. I have looked through it and it looks good too.  Can't wait to try it out.

And lastly, we are using Mystery of History for History.

I like that the curriculum for science, geography, history and Bible all include arts & crafts and writing. It will make the school year a well rounded one.

Pretty sure this list is for my own reference. But if anyone else is reading, HAPPY NEW SCHOOL YEAR!!

Changes

So much going on right now. It could be so easy to become overwhelmed and dig my head in the sand. But what good would come from that? How would God reveal His glory? What would the testimony of my life be?

My heart is rejoicing and crying at the same time tonight.

To understand, I need to fill you in on what has been going on the last year.

My mom & dad were divorced 2 years ago after being separated for over 3 years.
That same month, my sister & I and our husbands and our 4 kiddos picked up and moved across the country. That tore my heart wide open. I found out later that it tore the heart of my mother even more. It is easy to put aside heartache when you are excited and looking forward, which is what I did. But we left her in the midst of her heartache and pain. We were her comfort, her friends, the only people on the planet that KNEW exactly what she was going through. And for some reason, the Lord led us to be parted at what was the most painful time of her life. Who can understand the ways of the Lord?

She pressed into the Lord, leaned into His arms, listened to His heart, sought His face, fell at His feet and began the healing of her heart. She learned to open up and be vulnerable. She had to seek out fellowship and deepen friendships. We all did. It is so easy to let your family become your whole world and rely on them instead of the Lord when things get tough. But we had to learn a new way. A better way. A way that could bring true healing.

A couple of months after moving across the country, my sister and her family moved away from the town where we all lived. God separated us even further. It broke my heart. I didn't understand it at all. But in the walking it out, I found a deeper relationship with my God and with my husband. What I hadn't realized until we were away from all of our family was that I had never done the "leaving & cleaving" that we vowed on our wedding day. He had always felt 2nd place in my life. My husband of 12 years became my best friend. Our family began changing in new and exciting ways.  And exactly a year after leaving the South and my family, we moved back to the South and the same house we had left behind. It had never sold and the Lord told us to pack up and head home. And we did.

We had not been home long at all when we found out that my mom was losing the house she had lived in for 16 years. She began looking for a place to live. After much searching and much frustration on her part, we felt like she was supposed to move in with us. She was reluctant at first, not wanting to impose. But as God shut every other door she agreed and moved into our house almost a year ago. What a tremendous blessing! We have had a wonderful year together.

A week before she moved in, I received a message on FB from a man that had known me as a child asking if my mom was on FB. His son had moved in across from my grandparents and he had heard that my mom & dad were divorced. His wife had passed away a couple of years earlier so he wanted to see how mom was doing.  He says that my mom was a "direct & immediate answer to prayer". He had prayed that day to the Lord to let his path cross with my mom. (Not sure how that would happen since they live 1,000 miles apart). But that night I signed onto FB for the first time in almost a year and he saw my name and sent the message. That began their story. They emailed for several months, then texted and eventually began talking on the phone. Mom would laugh and giggle while reading his emails and texts. And she began smiling again. Smiling a lot. It did my heart so good to see it. After many months of talking and seeing each other, he proposed and she accepted. And last week they were married. He is a wonderful man with a wonderful family. He loves the Lord with His whole heart and He loves His family, my mom and now our family with everything he has in him. He is honorable, compassionate, generous, kind, loving, selfless, funny, and he chose my mom. He cherishes her and I can see that she has opened up her heart again to receive love and she loves him so much in return. They are so sweet together. I am so happy for both of them. I am excited to see what God will do in their marriage and in their life together. It is a new beginning.

And today they left with all of her belongings in a moving truck to go to a town 1,000 miles away. So my heart is rejoicing in the love and excitement of this new beginning but crying because of the separation . I know that we will be fine and that God will walk us through, like He always has before. But I feel like this last year has been an undeserved gift, a surprise, a blessing. My, how things can change in a year.

So thankful to the Lord for this precious time. So thankful that I was allowed to see her fall in love again. So thankful to have watched her heal and open up her heart. So thankful to be with her while she shopped for her wedding dress. So thankful to have had her at our boys' baseball games this spring. So thankful for the presence and friendship of my sweet momma in our home. So thankful for love she gave, the time she shared, and the cake we have eaten together. I love you momma!!! I will miss having you close. Thank you for being my mom and my friend.  I look forward to seeing what God is going to do in your life. In the lives of our whole family. Jesus came to restore and I am seeing it happen right before my eyes.

Here is the song that all the kids sang at the wedding. It was precious!

The Poison of Insecurity

The last couple of months I have been struggling with some different things. Mostly I have been struggling in how to respond to the waves of human chaos that swirl about us all.  In one moment it seems I respond one way and in the next I am rocked by a wave and I find myself responding in a different manner. And through it all I have been praying and seeking to be able to know what is the "right" way.

As a Christian I want to make sure that my responses and reactions glorify God but what does that mean exactly? Does it mean to just stay quiet? Does it mean to speak up? Lay out an ultimatum? I have been confused. And it would be a HUGE understatement to say that it has affected my worship, in my alone time and in corporate worship with the body of believers at church.

There is one word that keeps coming to the front of my thoughts.....INSECURITY. At first I brushed it off and ignored it but it just won't go away. So today I am going to jot down what I feel that word has to do with why I am struggling.

I have learned that insecurity is a two-edged sword. We all think that it just keeps us from stepping out and trying new things. But I have found that it also has a tendency to make others super control freaks. There are some that are so insecure in themselves that they shrink from change, they want to stay comfortable and not try new things. The reasons and excuses for this behavior are as many as there are people but it all boils down the fact that we don't think we can do it. We think someone else will do it better. We don't believe in ourselves so we don't step out. And this affects how we interact with the people around us. We may not stand up for what we believe is right, we might not volunteer to serve, we don't step out to learn something new, instead we settle. We settle and then despise ourselves everyday because we aren't brave. We look in the mirror and wish we were different, that we were braver and could step out.

Then there are some of us that are insecure and the way it manifests in our lives is with an overpowering controlling attitude. We want to do everything ourselves. Not all control freaks are this way because of insecurity...some are arrogant and prideful.....and others are just trying to keep their heads above water. But today I want to talk about those that are controlling because they are insecure. It all boils down to the fact that they are afraid of failure and are afraid someone else might be able to do something better than them. They are insecure about their abilities and gifts and instead of delegating tasks and working cooperatively with those around them, they instead insist on doing everything themselves. They overwork themselves and are resentful that they have to do it all, but they just can't let others help them because someone might outshine them. Their insecurity keeps them isolated from community and fellowhip with others.

How sad. God created us all unique and with many different giftings. No where in the Word of God does He say that one gift is better than another. We are to encourage each other in the gifts God placed in us. We are not to compare. We are to work together to accomplish the work of the Gospel. One man or woman cannot do it alone, even if they think they can. It is just impossible. We need Christ and we need each other.  We might wish we had a particular gift but instead we should look at what God wants us to do because that is when we will be most effective for the Kingdom of God. Don't try to be someone you are not. And don't blindly step into something just because someone else wants you to do it. No one else knows you like the One who made you. Ask Him what you are to be doing. Even if it makes someone else upset. We are to please God first. And it is only in doing that we will be fulfilled and walking in joy and peace.

Know who you are in Christ. Seek Him. Find out what He says about you. Don't let insecurity keep you in bondage and in limbo. God is teaching me that when I know who I am in Him, the world that swirls around me will not rock me. I will be able to stand firm and respond in a way that gives God the glory. And I will be able to relate to others around me, especially others in the Body of Christ in a much healthier more fulfilling way. Insecurity is just another word for FEAR. And God says that we don't have to fear. He has already won the victory. He goes before us and prepares the way. He will walk with us and lead us through. Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is FREEDOM! (2 Cor. 3:17)

Let's stand up and walk in the liberty of Christ!!!

A Cracked Resolve

Today I am missing my dad. I miss talking to him. I miss giving him a hug. I miss hearing him laugh (seems like forever since I have heard that). And as I was putting a load of laundry in the washer I was thinking about how much I miss him. And mourning that he is not near. And then I was stuck with the absurdity of my train of thought. My dad is still alive & breathing and living less than 600 miles away. All it would take to see him would be a phone call or even a text. I know that he would come. Would he come with all the strings attatched that I laid out? Obviously not, since I have not seen him in over a year and a half. But what is more important? Having a relationship on my terms? Or have a relationship....PERIOD.  I know that my hubby must want to shake his head at me and my selfishness. His dad died 20 years ago and he will never have the opportunity to sit and have a conversation with him again. He won't get to go fishing. Or show him the sweet sons we have been blessed with. My hubby has been so supportive of me during the past 6 years and has stood by my side in every decision and disappointment but today I feel like I am seeing for the first time what a sacrifice it must have been for him. I know that he loves my dad too. I know that he misses him. So I haven't just allowed the broken relationship with my dad to affect me, but those I love most.

I heard recently that forgiveness is giving up hope of a different past. It is something that I have been meditating on daily. Would I like for all my expectations to be met? Would I like things to go the way I want them? Of course! I am human with a flesh heart that wants what I want. But that thinking can keep me out of relationship with my dad and it would be own choice. As much as I would like to blame him and his new wife, I know that we are equally to blame. So what to do?

I know what God would have me do. But it doesn't make my flesh happy. And in some weird way it almost seems like to soften my heart and to open it up again would be conceding defeat. Like I have been playing chicken with my dad, waiting for him to capitulate first and to do what would make me the most comfortable..... but that isn't reality and it isn't the way to approach life or any problems that arise. I also have felt that because I have been so vocal about my stance and my opinions regarding everything that if I change my mind and reach out that I will need to explain myself to those that know me best. I am sure that they will not understand, they might want to discourage me, they want to protect me. And my pride wants to stay resolved so I don't have to have an uncomfortable conversation. Seems so ridiculous as I am typing this. But that is the truth of the matter and where my heart & head have been.  But God would have me respond differently....to reach out, even knowing that I might be rejected. To love, even if it isn't reciprocated. To be kind, even if my feelings get hurt. To forgive, even if the "magic words" I have been waiting on never come. Why? Because Christ did all of that for me. He loved me, even when I have not loved Him back. He reaches out to me constantly, even when I reject Him. He shows me kindness, grace, mercy and compassion even when my selfishness and arrogance continually hurt His heart. And He forgave me just because I asked. He died to forgive me, even knowing that I might never ask. He did it in anticipation of a relationship with me. He laid it all out on the line. He didn't make me jump through hoops or expect me to have it all together before He loved me. No, He loves me because He wants to. He created me so He could love me and so that I might love Him in return. And it is only because He loves me that I am even capable of loving Him and anyone else. I heard the other day that "being faithful to God & being comfortable rarely go hand in hand". How true!! To do what God asks of me will require that I sacrifice my fleshly wants, desires & plans in order to have something better.

So where I am today is at a crossroads of sorts. Do I continue on the road I have been walking, with new revelation and choose to be disobedient and out of the will of God? Or do I take a step of faith and walk in obedience and trust that God will walk beside holding my hand, guiding me and keeping watch over my heart? I know the cost of doing nothing.....it is a lifetime of wasted time with my dad. And I am just not willing to do that anymore. So I guess it is time to CHOOSE something different. It is a choice, every day and in every moment. There is a lot of work still to be done but I feel in my heart that it will be worth it. And the benefit? A restored relationship with my dad, our sons would get to have their grandpa back, my hubby would get to be in relationship with my dad again too.

So much to think about, pray about and to walk out. Asking for prayers today as I prepare to step out onto a new road.

Living Unplugged

I decided a couple weeks ago to unplug from Facebook. The decision was affected by many factors but the main one was the wasted time. It seemed that I never had enough hours in my day to finish the laundry, or to clean the bathrooms, or to spend time with the boys going over a concept that has given them issues, to cook a decent meal or to spend time with my Heavenly Father. I am a stay at home mom that also homeschools. Right now our schedule also includes almost daily trips to baseball/tball practices & games. But who am I kidding? I have plenty of time to get what needs to be done, DONE. Because I had plenty of time to cruise through Facebook news feeds, to pin recipes I would never actually cook, to fill my mind with facts about people that I don't really know. I mean, if I wouldn't bother calling them & inviting them over for dinner then I don't really need to know what they ate last night for dessert or that their kids are driving them crazy. All the stuff I was filling my mind & time with was robbing me of time with MY family and I was choosing to do it every day, almost every hour.  So I decided to deactivate my Facebook account. I was amazed at how many people seemed annoyed at my decision and how it would affect them.....Really??? I should plan my life around what makes others happy???? No, I don't think so. Because I am pretty sure that those opinionated folks will not be volunteering to load my dishwasher, fold the laundry, teach my kiddos mulitiplication or run to the grocery store so my sweet family can eat. So I deactivated and was feeling so relieved. Then a couple days later I noticed that I was feeling anxious about all the STUFF I didn't know about......Could I really be experiencing FB withdrawals??? Yep, I think I was. But I kept pressing on......avoiding the computer and did a load of laundry instead. Avoiding the computer and spending more time teaching. Avoiding the computer and being more present with my family. I still have a long way to go but the rewards are paying off so far. I am motivated to continue. So Sunday, the Lord & I were talking and I felt like I was supposed to unplug from my TV too. What!? No Downton Abbey? No Grey's Anatomy? No whatever junk I turned on just to have some noise in the evenings??? How would I manage? But I am going to try. Because I know that TV is another time stealer for me. Especially now that we have Netflix and I can watch an entire season of a show in a week. It has been keeping me up toooo late and making me unproductive in the mornings. So for the next few weeks I will not be watching TV unless my hubby asks me to watch something with him. I am going to try to spend more time reading, sleeping and being productive with my day. But most importantly I am going to spend more time with God and His Word. Because lets face it, all the rest of that stuff we waste time on is just a distraction from time with Him.  Obviously I am still online and I will continue to blog and talk on my phone and text. But I am praying that unplugging some of my life will allow me to REALLY LIVE my life, instead of just existing and living vicariously through the FB posts of other people and TV characters.

Needing to Reflect On This Today

The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
As it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
If I surrender to His Will;
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life
And supremely happy with Him
Forever and ever in the next. 

Amen.

 

serenity (plural serenities)

1. The state of being serene; calmness; peacefulness.
2. A lack of agitation or disturbance.
3. A title given to a reigning prince or similar dignitary.

Feeling an angst inside that I can't quite put a finger on. Knowing that the only thing that will help is the Presence and peace of God. Praying for wisdom, clarity and strength today. When I look around me I see so many blessings and I know that the way I feel is not of the Lord. On a day that it would be easy to just pull the covers back up over my head, I am choosing instead to walk forward and seek the One with the answers. Praying today for all the mommas, wives, grandmas, sisters, daughters that are having a difficult day too. 

Really?

Feeling the need to throw a tantrum and knowing that I am too old to do that.

Realizing that extending grace is not always easy.

Figuring out that my two sweet boys are quite astute and are much more in tune with what goes on in our home than I thought.

Finding it necessary to be more watchful of my words, actions and attitude.

Crying out to God and asking Him to do what only He can and asking Him to help me do what I can.

Deciding that I am worth it.

Knowing in my heart that God never calls us "to settle" but to live with purpose.

Reminding myself that what I sow will be what I reap......

Missing my sisters today....one in heaven and one 1,000 miles away. Boy, could I use a hug from them right now.

Resting in the arms of the One that never leaves nor forsakes me. He promises to be all that I need.

Holding onto that tonight.

Looking around my life and realizing that even on my worst day I am blessed in more ways than I can count and I need to focus on that and not all "the stuff" I would change.

Finally, brothers, whatever things are true, whatever things are honest, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. - Philippians 4:8

 "A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones."  Proverbs 17:22 -

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11

Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3:13-14

Pressing On

I have noticed in my own life that when I am feeling on top of things and positive that I blog alot more. And then when I am struggling with things I tend to let weeks pass without a post.  These past couple of weeks are case in point. There has not been any major drama or hardships. We are blessed and doing fine. But there are some issues that I am dealing with. In the past I would keep them to myself or talk them over with my sister and then act to everyone else like I am "fine". Why do we do that? Why do we walk around telling everyone that we are fine when we are not? Would it really ruin someone's day if they found out that I was human? Or that I don't have all the answers? Or that my family isn't perfect? Would they judge me harshly and then throw me away? I don't think so. I think it would be refreshing to them that truly "know" me. To know what makes me tick. 

I had a friend tell me a few months ago that even though we had been friends for almost 3 years that she didn't know me well at all. She said that I deflected questions and always turned conversations to what was going on with her. I didn't even realize that I had done it. But I trust her and her honesty and know that she wouldn't have said it unless it was true. I don't know why I do this. Perhaps it is because my parents were pastors and we were always supposed to "have it together". I became quite adept at smiling and not really engaging with people. I also tended to attract people that were quite alright that our friendship revolved around them and their drama. And I must have been okay with it as well, because I stuck around. It kept me from having to be vulnerable and open. I could hide my feelings behind my smile or cute little anecdote and deflect.

And I have found that I have done the same thing on my blog. I am sure that you would be shocked to find out that I am an imperfect person that struggles with insecurity, doubt, laziness, and has some serious daddy issues going on right now.  No? You aren't surprised? You can relate? Really? Well then lets talk.

My dad walked away from my mom and our family almost 5 years ago. And I am still upset, still angry, still sad and some days I want to learn karate just so I can kick someone's butt!  I am tired of seeing how it has affected our family, my marriage, our children. I know that everyone else out there that has dealt with this know exactly what I am talking about. The ripples just keep coming. And I tend to swing from trying to have a relationship with my dad and just accepting him where he is to wanting to shut him out. Right now I am missing him so much yet he hasn't been to see us since we moved back to Georgia last April. I am having trouble processing what that means. Does he not care? Does he just not care enough? Are we not important enough? Should I take this personally? Is this just a symptom of a deeper issue? So many questions!

Just needing to vent it out and process some stuff. I know that things will get better. Just praying for wisdom on how to go forward from here.

Choosing

We are more than the words we say, more than the beds we make, the laundry we wash, the dinner we cook, the bathroom we clean, the songs we sing, the books we read, the floors we sweep, the shows we watch, the places we go, the places we've been, the house we live in, the car we drive, where our kids go to school, whether we work away from home or not, the friends we have, and the dreams we have.

They all help shape us into the person we are today but if everyone of those things ceased to exist in our lives we would still have the most important thing. A loving Savior that has promised to be everything we need.

Needing to remind myself today that all the "stuff" is temporary and I get to choose what gets priority in my life. That is right, we all get to choose. If I don't have time for God today, what did I choose to do instead? We all find time for what we consider important. My actions reveal my heart. The atmosphere of my home reflects my choices.

What am I choosing?

Me

I saw a blog yesterday that listed several things that a passing reader may not know about them....so I am totally going to copycat that idea and give you a list about me

1. I am a night owl. I love to stay up late and have "alone time". No one is asking me anything, or touching me, etc...... It is my time.

2. Because of #1 I do not enjoy getting up. Which sometimes make for a bad way to start a day.

3. I love the smell of Fels-Naptha laundry soap. I am currently trying to figure out ways in which I can bathe with it or turn it into a candle...I want to be surrounded by its scent ALL the time. It just makes me happy.

4. I hate seafood, all kinds of seafood..blech!

5. Our family is slowly transitioning to a meatless diet. For many reasons, its cheaper, healthier and most importantly so I do not have to handle raw meat....another thing I despise....double blech!

6. I love Japanese Magnolias!! They are blooming right now and are sooooo pretty! Some you readers out there might call them Tulip Trees...same thing

7. I have been married almost 13 years to my sweet husband. We have known each other for almost 20 years and I am so blessed that he picked me all those years ago!

8. When I was younger I wanted to be either a lounge singer or a radio DJ.

9. Wow! Just realized how uninteresting this list is........

Blessings

Today is a Thankful List kind of day.

Thankful for:

*a husband that works so hard so that I can stay home with our two sweet boys
*two sweet boys that bring immeasurable joys to my life every day
*the mud pit in our yard that fires up imaginations and inspires fun
*the rain that is falling outside and the smell it brings on the wind
*a family that desires to serve God
*a brother that can bring me to tears with his music
*time spent with him and his amazing family
*for miracles....yes, they are real!!
*friends, new friends, friends that have been in my life for almost 2 decades, friends that lift me up in prayer and encourage me in the Lord, challenging me to be the best wife, daughter, mother, sister and friend I can
*my sister....she needs a whole blog....she is amazing!!! and the best friend I could possible have. Miss her so much!!!
*my mother. she has taught me so much and I feel tremendously blessed to consider her a friend at this point in my life.
*my cup overflows.
*music, praise, worship and the presence of the Lord that inhabits the praises of His people.
*my Savior that does not put a limit on the blessings in my life, he doesn't make me qualify for His blessings but He freely gives with a heart of love.
*cake, all kinds of cake
*the fact that I can approach the Father in Jesus name without having to go thru anyone else....what intimacy
*electricty, just makes my life easier
*washing machine and dryer...see above
*THIS DAY.......it is a blessing and it will never come again....choosing to enjoy it on purpose
*for getting to spend Saturday night with our two young men at a Night of Worship and getting to see them truly enter into the presence of God and soaking it up.....they were so engaged and chains were broken in my life and in their lives too...thankful for the words spoken over them and me and the way God ministered to all of us. Definitely was like putting a new lens on our life and future....it is time to think BIGGER. More about that in another post.

Muddling Through

Struggling today as I watch our oldest son try to make sense of his world.  As a momma I want to "fix" things, to take away the situation, to shelter him from hurt, dissapointment, and anger. But I am realizing that doing those things will only cripple him and make facing future struggles harder. It is time to teach him how to cry out to God for help, to pray and seek the will of the Father, to choose to lay it all at the feet of Jesus, to search the Word for encouragement and a Word that he can hold onto in this time. To teach him that forgiveness is not for the benefit of others but to reconcile us back to the Father. To teach him that in this world we will have trouble but we can be of good cheer because Jesus has promised to carry us, to walk beside us and HE WILL NEVER LEAVE OR FAIL US. To teach him that we cannot expect any human being to be able to get it right.....we all fall, we all sin, we all get it wrong. But it is in the getting up and turning to God that we find peace and restoration. To teach him that we are not called to be pleasers. To teach  him that we are not called to make others happy. To teach him that while different sins reap varying degrees of consequences, that God sees ALL sin the same, an offense that requires death as payment. To teach him that Jesus paid that price for ALL sins. Even the sin of the one that hurt him. A hard lesson to teach when all I want to do is to encourage him to hold onto his hurt, to continue building the walls around his heart and to choose to NOT be vulnerable. But those are MY issues, and it would be unfair and cruel to lay those burdens on him and ask him to walk out his life with MY issues on his shoulders. If I am going to teach him about the power of God, the forgiveness of God, the healing of God and the peace that comes when we surrender then I need to walk it out and live it in front of him as a tangible, living example. He will learn that we are all imperfect people striving to live like Jesus Christ and we will mess up but that He provided a way back....confession and forgiveness. Praying today for wisdom, discernment and the love of Jesus to be evident in my life, my words and actions as I teach our sweet young man.

Reading

When we started on this journey of homeschooling I had one BIG thing that gave me pause. Teaching them to read. I am an avid reader and enjoy it so much that if I had my choice I would just read all day long. However my husband did not have such a blissful introduction into the world of letters, phonics, words and literature and still does not enjoy reading. So when I began thinking about taking on the challenge of starting our sons down the road of literary discovery I started to freak out a bit. My answer with our oldest son was to send him to half day kindergarten and let someone else start the process. And by the time we brought him home a semester later he was already reading well. So I dodged that bullet. But this year we began Kindergarten with our youngest. Just to give some history on him.....he did not have any interest at all in letters, sounds, words and when I would try to drill his ABS's with him he would stare at me and either say "I don't know", "I don't care" or just randomly guess. NOT a great start for this phonetically gun-shy momma. But to my amazement he slowly began picking up letter sounds, learning how to write them correctly, recognizing them on site and then we began the process of putting it all together. Now I will not lie and say that it has been wonderful and easy but I can tell you today that he is reading!!! And reading well!!! He is actually enjoying it. If he has free time he loves to choose a book and pick out words. WHEW!!! So just writing this to say that no matter what your fear, hesitation or challenge is today, keep at it, keep trusting and don't give up! It will happen!!! And when it does you will be so glad that you didn't throw in the towel.

So, to myself and everyone else I say "Good job!"

Lead Me

Just had to seperate the two boys because they are annoying each other and by default annoying their mother. Think I have heard more whining this morning than you might hear on an epidode of The Nanny.

Anyway I thought I might take this moment to put down some thoughts.

I had to go to the store on Sunday to pick up some things and our oldest son decided he wanted to ride along. So it was just the two of us for almost an hour. That doesn't happen as often as it should. It was such a sweet time and I realized how grown up he is getting. He was talking about politics, family issues, church, how much He loves the Lord and so many other things. He has such a sweet spirit and is always thinking of others. But what surprised me was when we were in the middle of a conversation about the difference in a Republic, Democracy, Monarchy and Socialist state. He had quite the opinion. But what I will always remember was when he grabbed my hand and said "Mom I am so glad that I have parents that teach me what is right and about how God feels about things." It made me cry. Because as a mother I struggle with feeling like I don't do enough. I haven't taught them enough, we haven't done enough "cool" things, I haven't spent enough time. And I am sure that there are many areas in my life that need improvement but let me tell you....that simple statement out of the mouth of my 8 year old was all I needed to hear. Because at the end of my time with them what will matter most is what do they know of God, do they have a Biblical worldview, do they strive to be honorable, honest, hard working men that desire to please the Lord above all else. I know we will fail many times on the journey but I feel that we are on the right path. He understands that knowing God and His character and following His Word is important and relevant to his daily life. I still want him to know how different people in the world live and how we differ from others but I want to major on how we are similar, to know that God created us all and more importantly, loves us all. I want him to pray for others instead of talking about how we are different or how they need to change. I want him to allow God to change him from the inside out and allow God to use him to initiate change in our world.  Children come into this world with arms wide open, instinct is to love without qualification. I don't want him to grow up and learn hate, prejudice, intolerance and a disregard for God's Word. Instead I want him to know the Word of God and live it daily with conviction, knowing that there is a difference in hating sin and hating a sinner. We are all sinners that deserve death. I want him to remember how God extended grace, mercy and salvation to him and be eager to tell others about the saving grace of Jesus. I want him to bring people to Jesus with his love, not his judgement. I do not want him to tolerate sin but I do want him to learn to love in spite of sin and to let the Holy Spirit do His job. So to teach this I must be willing to walk in it as well. Because my children will become what they see everyday. So today I am challenging myself to BE the person I want them to become.

The time slips by quickly and each day I have a chance to impart knowledge that has the potential to shape who they will become. Wow! What a responsibilty and priviledge. Dear Lord, lead me so I can lead them.

What's up?

So what is going on in our little corner of the world? Well, I thought you would never ask.....its time for an update!

We love being back in the South! Driving around the last week and seeing all the Japanese Magnolias (Tulip trees) blooming is a HUGE confirmation that we are right where we are supposed to be.

We had the joy of moving back into our house when we came back and I am so very thankful for that blessing! This is the house where we became a family. We love being in the country. The boys have room to run and play and enjoy being boys. We have the freedom to dig massive holes and make huge mud pits. We can walk around the pond and observe the various wildlife. We can ride our bikes to the post office to get the mail. The boys get to wave at neighbors and have them honk in return. Many tractors drive by our house and thrill my sweet boys. They know exactly what they are and what each of them does. They can describe it to you in detail.

We love our church and are so happy to be a part of such a wonderful body of believers! We are loving having a place to learn, fellowship and serve. We didn't know it but they all knew we were coming back....apparently they all talked about it while we were away and they knew before we knew. What a wonderful family!!

We are in our third year of homeschooling and loving it! We still have days when I think it would be so much easier to put the boys on the bus that drives by our house and take a day off, but there are many more in which I wake with a heart full of thanks and praise that we get to spend these days together, learning from each other. What a blessing!! We have met some wonderful homeschool families and are so grateful for new friends that understand our joys and struggles. It also gives the boys some time with friends. Just last week our oldest son, who is 8, and his friend decided to dig a fire pit. They worked so hard digging the hole and lifting and putting the blocks into place. It looked so wonderful and worked even better. So proud of them and so blessed that we had that experience together.

Continually amazed at the grace and joys that God allows me to experience.
Every day is a new day, another chance to live this life with purpose, to choose to look at the positive, to take action that makes a difference in the lives around me. So thankful that He loves me so much that He continues to speak to me and is constantly shaping me into someone more like Him.

So blessed~~

Reflections

It always amazes that the Lord desires to constantly reveal Himself in new ways to me. The boys and I have been going through a devotional about the different names of God and how He used those different names and qualities to reveal the different aspects of His character. No matter what I face in this life He is what I need. He alone is what I need.  What I needed Him to be yesterday He continues to be. But today I may discover a new facet to His loving, compassionate character. I am blown away that He can be all things to all people. I may be needing peace, my son may be needing faith, my husband may be needing perseverance, and our youngest son may be needing joy....all having different needs but finding the answer in the one true GOD. Boggles my mind.

So many times I have tried to look to the flesh to fill a need or to fix a situation....why?

Trusting that I can always find what I need in Jesus does seem simplistic and couterintuitive. But it is the truth. In Him I find love, compassion, forgiveness, acceptance, joy, peace, mercy, grace, faith, provision, protection, admonition, correction, salvation, purpose, perserverance, deliverance, a heart of worship and so much more.

Today I am reflecting on all He is to me. Take a moment and think on who He is to you.

Remembrance

Tonight I decided to scroll through some the blog posts I have written over the years and was blessed. I have written at times when I needed to vent, when I needed to ask for prayer, when I wanted to share good news, when I was hurting and needed to process my feelings, when I just wanted to chronicle our life so I wouldn't forget, and times when I was testifying to the greatness of our GOD.

I know that I have been sporadic in writing in the last couple years and have talked myself into thinking that I don't really have anything worthwhile to say. But tonight I realized that isn't true.

I recently went to a funeral and the daughter of the deceased got up and read a letter that her mother had written 60 years ago. It touched everyone in the church. What a treasure to have such a piece of history. So if for no other reason I am going to be writing so my family will have that treasure too. I am not sure how it will all play out but I have decided to write for me and for my Heavenly Father. If we are the only readers that is fine with me. If others are blessed or challenged then that is great too.