Still Here

I have been doing some thinking the last few weeks and have come to several conclusions.

1. You either write a blog trying to appeal to the masses or you write as a cathartic exercise for yourself. I have straddled the fence for several years and have found the my blog is a random, expressionless version of me and my life. I have shied away from posting things I am feeling and doing because I didn't really want to hear what someone has to say about it. I have also been leary of posting things about our family because there have been some folks that I feel are kinda "cyber-stalky"...you know who you are.....you know, those people who would like to be a part of you life but are not, so they try to get to know you through your blog?? yeah, kinda creepy! But if I don't start writing what I NEED to write then I am going to explode. So if you don't want to read what I want to write, then feel free to take my blog off of your reading list. It won't hurt my feelings at all.

2. If you don't really like who you are then a change in geography WILL NOT be the answer to your issues. Hubby and I moved 1200 miles away and back again in a matter of 13 months. While there are things about here that I prefer and several things about Kansas that I feel are better, I was in both places and didn't find contentment in either place. The last couple months I have felt anger, frustration and a general bad attiude. Needless to say, I haven't been the easiest person to live with.  I very rarely get to go anywhere by myself these days, but one day last week while running to the store to pick up a thermometer and Childrens Tylenol I had a revelation....Contentment has nothing to do with where you live, where you work, where you go to church, what hobbies you find enjoyable, how much money you have or even getting to live the exact life you feel you deserve....it is about finding who you are in Christ. Now, anyone with any measure of spiritual depth has probably already figured out that my relationship with the Lord at this precise moment is not what it should be. I have realized that while I missed our church here in Georgia, I was completely fine in Kansas. I had made some great friends, I felt like we were moving forward as a family. And moving back here has felt like a step backwards. The hubby and I are having the same conversations yet again. I am feeling the same frustrations I was feeling that led us to search for another place to live. And I would be lying if I didn't mention that I have been just a little upset about the whole thing. I know that at some point down the road I will look back and see that there has been a purpose in the whole situation but things are just not clear at this point.  You see, at my core I am a bit of a control freak and I don't feel like anyone asked my opinion in all this. (That is a lie, I know it even as I am typing it, but that belief is still there).

The answer??? There is only one true & honest answer and for some reason I have been avoiding it. Turn it over to God, lay down any plans I might have had at his feet and trust that He will resurrect what needs to be raised up again. Seek Him and spend time in His presence. AND IN THE MEANTIME BE THANKFUL, BE THANKFUL & BE THANKFUL.

On the road.....time will only tell where it will end up.

Here is a blog post I wrote almost 4 years ago that just reminded what it is all about.