Stuffed Emotions

Today I was faced with some emotions that I apparently have been trying to stuff and not deal with. I know that I haven't used this blog to talk about really personal things in my life. I haven't felt that it was beneficial to air my laundry, dirty or otherwise. So without throwing any specifics out there I am just needing to vent.

Anger. An emotion that has me reeling right now. Today my son climbed up in my lap with tears in his eyes and broke down. His heart was breaking and there wasn't anything that I could say to make it better. I made a promise to myself when I gave birth to him to not lie to him, even if it was easier on me. So today I was at a loss of what to say to a 5 year old that would heal his heart without giving false hope and expectation. Nothing came to mind so I asked if I could pray for him. He said yes and then proceeded to bury his head in my chest and bawl. The kind of bawling that shakes your entire body. It broke my heart. I am his momma and I am supposed to be protecting him. Then came the anger. Anger at having to see my little guy so upset. Anger that I am put in the position to have to deal with this. Anger that I can't change the situation. Anger at a person that is so selfish right now that if I saw them I might just snap. As I held my son and we shared that moment of broken promises with hearts hurting and missing, he looked up at me and said "Why doesn't he listen to Jesus?" I wish I knew the answer but I don't. So all we could do was hold each other and cry and reflect on a time when things were different, better and a bit more simple. My little boy is becoming a young man and I was reminded how important my job as his momma is. I can't protect him from every negative thing in his life, but I can pray that he will rely on the Lord and walk through it with Him. I can teach and train him in the ways of the Lord. And I can teach him to love, even when it doesn't make sense, and is hard. And I can teach him to forgive. Reminders that I needed today. How can I teach if I am not doing? So it looks like I will be facing some feelings and emotions and "stuff" head on if I am gonna grow and mature and be the wife, mom and woman that God has created me to be. To be honest, I have been in "hide out" mode. That is not living in the fullness of all God has for me. But I have to let Him do His will in my life and do my part. Please pray for me and the family, especially my sweet little boys.
(btw, me & hubby are great. No worries there.)

Mothers Day

Yesterday was a wonderful day for this mommy. I was able to spend it with my wonderful husband, my sweet little boys, my mom, my mother in law, my sister and so many others. The weather was beautiful, the food phenomenal and the time spent with everyone is just what I wanted and needed. My mom decided that what she wanted for Mothers Day was to have everyone in her home and to cook a big lunch of roast and all the fixings. I tried to talk her out of it but you know how it is when a momma makes up her mind....haha. So I told her that I would bring dessert. She loves marble cake(who doesn't?) and so I made a pretty cake fit for the occasion. It didn't turn out exactly like I envisioned it but it tasted yummy.

Me & my handsome husband (who did an excellent job in picking out my gift)

Me & my big man

Me and my littlest man

Me & my momma (the bestest mom in the whole world)

Me & my sister (who is a wonderful momma)

Me & my Mother in Law (such a sweet lady)


Such a wonderful day!!! Hope everyone else had a great day too!!

Blessings

Last week my mom asked me to help her finish up a pianting job. My sister offered to watch my boys so I could help. My mom is one of the most giving people in the world and so I said "yes". After all I enjoy painting and I could use a day without the kiddos. So off we went to paint a bathroom.

We got there and began cleaning and priming. The lady who owned the house came in and told me that she was moving and was getting rid of alot of the "stuff" that accumulated over the years. She had the radio on a Christian station and mom and I painted and listened. As the time went by I began to feel the presence of the Lord so strongly in her home. It was apparent that she was a woman that had invited the Lord in and lived in a way that would please Him. I was so blessed just being in her home. I cried and cried and laughed. It was a new and interesting experience for me. The Lord used her and her home to bless me so much that day.

We were about halfway through our day when she came in and asked if I had any Fine China dishes. When I got married 10 years ago I was so anti-tradition that I didn't even register for any. I thought it was a waste of money. But as I have gotten older I have wished so many times that I had some nice pretty dishes when company comes over. So I told her that I didn't have any and told her the story behind it. Then she showed me some beautiful Norcrest China and told me that I could have them. I was floored. They were so delicate and feminine and gorgeous. She started packing them up for me and put them by the front door. I was speechless. Then she asked if I had anyplace to put them. I told her I had a small hutch. Then she offered me a huge hutch from her dining room. I had noticed the hutch earlier and had thought to myself that I loved and it was sooooo cute. I didn't know what to say. She said that she would like to give it to me as well. All I had to do was to come and pick it up. About 15 minutes later she came to me with a wooden case and opened it. It was a silver set. Real silver. I have never had anything like that before. She put it with the dishes. She was so generous and giving. And she did so with such a joyful heart. It was such a blessing.

I went that day thinking that I would be able to be a blessing to someone and the Lord blessed me beyond my imagination. I now have a beautiul hutch with lovely China displayed on it and Silver to boot. These are all just material things but the Lord has used this experience to teach me so much.

I think God likes to just show off sometimes. He orchestrated that day to bless everyone. He blessed me while I worked and then added some fluff just because He can. The lady got her rooms painted and I was able to learn from her.

So I have been thinking that the Lord is alot like that lady. So often He wants to bless us but we never put ourselves in a position to be in the place where He can. If I hadn't gone that day I would not be the new owner of a hutch, China and Silver. It is just that simple. How many times have I missed out on Gods blessing because I didn't go or do the things God asked of me? He desires to pour out blessings in our lives. He longs to do things so great and above what we can conceive. Let's make sure we are in position to receive.

Have a great Mothers Day!!!!! And be blessed!

Job 10:12 You have granted me life and favor, and Your providence has preserved my spirit.
By the way.....aren't these the cutest little boys you have ever seen? These are my two little guys and my two nephews.

Things To Remember

My oldest sweetie pie has been playing tee ball for the last couple weeks. He is having fun and is improving each time he hits the field. I am not particularly blessed with athletic prowess so we are doing what we can.
As I sit in the bleachers with the other parents, grandparents and other random family members of the kids, I have been overhearing some interesting comments. Most of them are complaining about having to sit and watch little kids play ball. I realize that some of the these families may be on their 3 or 4th child and that they may have all of them playing sports and that watching all of the games that implies takes a great deal of time. But I hope and pray that I do not turn into one of those parents, especially actually voicing those "inside thoughts" to the world, within earshot of my children.
So I have decided to make a list of things that I encounter in my own life everyday that seem ordinary or even annoying that I know I will miss when they are no longer a part of my day.

1. Hearing "mommy" said, whispered, yelled, giggled and repeated over 1,000 times a day even when the boys have no reason for needing to get my attention. I think they just like to see my face get red.

2. Cooking dinner only to have the boys inform me that they want something else. (tough for them, by the way....once momma cooks something that is what is for dinner...period)

3. Making beds. Doesn't take alot of time and I know that when they grow up and move out I will miss it.

4. Washing clothes, especially their little clothes. The number of loads will only increase as they and their clothes get bigger.

5. Giving them baths. I have to admit this is NOT my favorite activity, never has been. If that makes me a bad mom......well then alright. But one day they will want to take a big boy shower all by themselves and I will have to stress about whether they washed every area of their bodies if you know what I mean....

6. Cleaning up after them.....all day long. And I might miss cleaning up spilled water or milk or whatever else my youngest was drinking. The record is 3 times in one day. Hoping that stays the record.

7. Watching or listening to PBS, and any number of kids movies that they have. The funniest thing is that my boys inherited my and hubbys talent for talking in movie quotes. There are afternoons when they are playing together and the only conversation between them are scenes from certain movies and cartoons, complete with voice inflection and acting out.

8. Sweeping the floors to get rid of the sand and dirt that they tracked in from playing outside digging in the dirt. They love it!!!I love watching them.

9. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I will miss seeing them learn something new, mastering a new skill and my most favorite, reading to them. They love to sit on either side and have me read books. Reading is my all-time favorite past-time so I am hoping to pass it down.

10. And the most precious of all the "ordinary" day to day items is saying our prayers as a family each night and hearing our sweet boys pray to the Lord and knowing that they understand what they are saying and that they love the Lord. It melts my hear everytime. Oh how I will miss that when they are grown and living on their own.

I know that I will have many more years of enjoying them but I thought that I needed to remind myself to not take the days I have with them now for granted. I urge you to do the same. I don't want to look back on this time in our lives together and regret anything. Time and life is too precious.

Be blessed and have a great weekend!!!

The Bathroom

****Update- when I reference "we" in the posts about the renovation I mean me, hubby and my mom. She is so talented and we couldn't have done it all without her help.***


Here are some pics of the bathroom before. I am terrible about remembering to photograph projects so these don't really show the magnitude of how weird it was.

When you walked into the bathroom the toilet was right inside the door to the left. Right next to the toilet was a tiny pedestal stink. And then there was a wall right next to it that was the end of the shower. It was all crowded onto one wall. There were some built in shelves as you came into the door on the right. Not the best layout at all.







We ripped everything out all the way back to the studs. We even took the floor out down to the joists. When my hubby ripped the tub out (which was an ancient fiberglass unit) we found that they had covered up a window. Yippee!!

We redesigned the entire layout of the room. Moved plumbing, added electric, put up and finished sheetrock, painted, put in the bathtub and vanity and toilet. We are very pleased with ourselves. Especially the part where we saved a ton of money by doing most of it ourselves. We hired out the electric and some of the plumbing. But everything else we did. It isn't decorated yet and the shower curtain isn't up. But you can get the idea.



The view from the doorway.




Okay I am having some issues uploading the pics. I will try again tomorrow with more pics.

All Dressed Up With No Place To Go

This afternoon a flurry of activity took over my house. My sweet little man ran around looking for, then found his baseball pants, baseball shirt, cleats, baseball hat and glove. He put them all on and was soooooooooo excited to go to his first T-ball game. And wouldn't you know it? It was totally rained out (after we got there, of course). The kids were all so dissapointed that it was pitiful. We will try again in a couple days.

In other news....... Plans for the Anniversary/Vow Renewal has begun. And I am in a confused state about it. It is not going to be a big affair. Just friends and family. And while I want them all to come I am wanting to serve cake, mints, nuts and beverages. Is that wrong of me? I don't really think it is neccessary to serve a meal or finger food if it is going to be evening (7:00pm) What do you guys think?

I have been inspired lately to do alot of little projects in the house. Some are getting done while others aren't.

I am so ready to be back on a schedule. This bathroom/ vehicle drama has had me all disorganized.

I need to stop this post before it gets any more boring than it is already....yawn

Light at the End of the Tunnel

Things are coming together. I only have a few more things to finish in the bathroom.
The appliance man came this afternoon and installed my new dishwasher.
I was able to pick up my car today. It is now running without any problems.
I found cleats for my little sweetie on sale.
I am teaching Kids Church this month. Always a ton of fun!!
It is always amazing how quickly things can change.

I was reading a scripture and devotion today that really spoke to me.

2 Corinthians 12:10 - That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

It seems like the theme of my life these past few months. There have been so many tests, trials and difficulties that the Lord has been using to teach me and to purge me of some "stuff" that I just don't need in my life. I have been learning to stand up for myself, to rely totally on God and so much more. The thing that struck me about the verse is the word "delight". I wouldn't say that I have been delighting in what has been going on but as I look back I can absolutely see Gods hand of providence, protection, provision and purpose.

Here is an exerpt from the devotion. I thought someone else might need to it today as well.

*The literal translation of this verse adds a startling emphasis to it, allowing it to speak for itself with power we have probably never realized. It is as follows: "Therefore I take pleasure in being without strength, being insulted, experiencing emergencies, and being chased and forced into a corner for Christ's sake; for when I am without strength, I am dynamite."
The secret of knowing God's complete sufficiency is in coming to the end of everything in ourselves and our circumstances. Once we reach this point, we will stop seeking sympathy for our difficult situation or ill treatment, because we will recognize these things as the necessary conditions for blessings. We will then turn from our circumstances to God, realizing they are the evidence of Him working in our lives. (A.B. Simpson) (Streams in the Desert by L.B. Cowman)*

SO much to think about!! I am walking in the blessings of God even if I can't see them yet. SO thankful to the Lord for all that He is doing in me and in my family.