Stuffed Emotions

Today I was faced with some emotions that I apparently have been trying to stuff and not deal with. I know that I haven't used this blog to talk about really personal things in my life. I haven't felt that it was beneficial to air my laundry, dirty or otherwise. So without throwing any specifics out there I am just needing to vent.

Anger. An emotion that has me reeling right now. Today my son climbed up in my lap with tears in his eyes and broke down. His heart was breaking and there wasn't anything that I could say to make it better. I made a promise to myself when I gave birth to him to not lie to him, even if it was easier on me. So today I was at a loss of what to say to a 5 year old that would heal his heart without giving false hope and expectation. Nothing came to mind so I asked if I could pray for him. He said yes and then proceeded to bury his head in my chest and bawl. The kind of bawling that shakes your entire body. It broke my heart. I am his momma and I am supposed to be protecting him. Then came the anger. Anger at having to see my little guy so upset. Anger that I am put in the position to have to deal with this. Anger that I can't change the situation. Anger at a person that is so selfish right now that if I saw them I might just snap. As I held my son and we shared that moment of broken promises with hearts hurting and missing, he looked up at me and said "Why doesn't he listen to Jesus?" I wish I knew the answer but I don't. So all we could do was hold each other and cry and reflect on a time when things were different, better and a bit more simple. My little boy is becoming a young man and I was reminded how important my job as his momma is. I can't protect him from every negative thing in his life, but I can pray that he will rely on the Lord and walk through it with Him. I can teach and train him in the ways of the Lord. And I can teach him to love, even when it doesn't make sense, and is hard. And I can teach him to forgive. Reminders that I needed today. How can I teach if I am not doing? So it looks like I will be facing some feelings and emotions and "stuff" head on if I am gonna grow and mature and be the wife, mom and woman that God has created me to be. To be honest, I have been in "hide out" mode. That is not living in the fullness of all God has for me. But I have to let Him do His will in my life and do my part. Please pray for me and the family, especially my sweet little boys.
(btw, me & hubby are great. No worries there.)