Defiant Disobedience

I have been running up against something in the last few days that is a relatively new phenomenon in our house.

My boys have begun to willfully disobey even though they know that they have been instructed not to and are aware of consequences. I am not sure I am ready for this yet. I thought I had at least a few more years of innocence with them.

I will spare you all the details but  I have been so explicit and have gone over off limits areas and what is not acceptable and the consequences of disobedience and yet they willfully and defiantly do it anyway. My youngest will just look at you and say "yes" he did it because he wanted to . My oldest is blaming it on his younger brother even though he was caught red handed. Said he didn't make the bad choice. I feel a loooooong discussion coming when I calm down. 

I have to be honest, I probably overreacted a bit but I am fed up with it. I don't feel like I should tolerate it. It isn't like they just forgot the rules or pushed the boundaries a little. It is full blown rebellion. Hmmm.....rebellion. Wonder where they learned that?

As I was pacing outside trying to calm down so I wouldn't sprout horns I heard the Holy Spirit speak to me. His voice asked me how many times I have willfully and defiantly acted out in rebellion even though that there would be consequences. And it doesn't have to just be a sin I committed but could be a sin of omission....not doing something he told me to. Conviction came upon my heart and I knew that the very thing I am so upset at in my boys is an area of my life that needs the transforming power of God to change. Does this mean that I am going to excuse what the boys have done? No, but will it help me address it in love and compassion? Yes, I think so. Granted I have made choices that I knew were wrong and I shouldn't do them and sometimes I might have even known what the consequence would be. I did them anyway because my flesh wanted the instant result of the rebellion. Have I paid a price? You bet. Has God forgiven me? Absolutely. But have I had to deal with the consequences even though the forgiveness of the Lord was mine? Without a doubt.

Rebellion is as old as the garden of Eden. Rebellion is just as simple as doing the opposite of what I know the Lord asks of me. Is it a big deal? Yep. It creates a chasm between the Lord and I. Just like the actions of my boys created a chasm between them and I. Forgiveness, love, compassion and repentance will close the chasm. But I have to want to close it. God won't do it alone. He waits for us to call to Him and to surrender to what He wants to work in us.

I think the greatest truth I have learned from this experience today is that I was so dissapointed and hurt and felt like my boys didn't value my word. I want to protect them, to nurture them and to see them become all God created them to be. It broke my heart to see them acting in such opposition to the character of God. I wonder how much I would need to multiply that feeling to truly understand how the Lord feels when we rebel?He created us for a purpose. To be loved, nurtured, cared for, provided for and He wants to be loved back so badly. How many times have I broken His heart through my own rebellion? When I fail to trust Him and I act in ways that contradict His character? When He tells me in His Word how to be blessed and then I act like it is no big deal and do what feels right to me? I think it grieves Him greatly. I am sure He has wanted to shake me and give up. But He hasn't. He continues to love and to listen and to minister, while waiting for me to come to Him and repent. His kind compassionate love always takes me back and then, this is the greatest thing, He forgives me then forgets about it all and picks up right where I walked away and leads me forward again.

How when I have been forgiven so many times of so many things could I not forgive?
I think a lesson is to be learned and then taught to my boys.
Rebellion will always lead to death and destruction. But my God leads to life!

The thief comes only in order to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance (to the full, till it overflows).
John 10:10 (Amplified)