Stuffed Emotions

Today I was faced with some emotions that I apparently have been trying to stuff and not deal with. I know that I haven't used this blog to talk about really personal things in my life. I haven't felt that it was beneficial to air my laundry, dirty or otherwise. So without throwing any specifics out there I am just needing to vent.

Anger. An emotion that has me reeling right now. Today my son climbed up in my lap with tears in his eyes and broke down. His heart was breaking and there wasn't anything that I could say to make it better. I made a promise to myself when I gave birth to him to not lie to him, even if it was easier on me. So today I was at a loss of what to say to a 5 year old that would heal his heart without giving false hope and expectation. Nothing came to mind so I asked if I could pray for him. He said yes and then proceeded to bury his head in my chest and bawl. The kind of bawling that shakes your entire body. It broke my heart. I am his momma and I am supposed to be protecting him. Then came the anger. Anger at having to see my little guy so upset. Anger that I am put in the position to have to deal with this. Anger that I can't change the situation. Anger at a person that is so selfish right now that if I saw them I might just snap. As I held my son and we shared that moment of broken promises with hearts hurting and missing, he looked up at me and said "Why doesn't he listen to Jesus?" I wish I knew the answer but I don't. So all we could do was hold each other and cry and reflect on a time when things were different, better and a bit more simple. My little boy is becoming a young man and I was reminded how important my job as his momma is. I can't protect him from every negative thing in his life, but I can pray that he will rely on the Lord and walk through it with Him. I can teach and train him in the ways of the Lord. And I can teach him to love, even when it doesn't make sense, and is hard. And I can teach him to forgive. Reminders that I needed today. How can I teach if I am not doing? So it looks like I will be facing some feelings and emotions and "stuff" head on if I am gonna grow and mature and be the wife, mom and woman that God has created me to be. To be honest, I have been in "hide out" mode. That is not living in the fullness of all God has for me. But I have to let Him do His will in my life and do my part. Please pray for me and the family, especially my sweet little boys.
(btw, me & hubby are great. No worries there.)

Mothers Day

Yesterday was a wonderful day for this mommy. I was able to spend it with my wonderful husband, my sweet little boys, my mom, my mother in law, my sister and so many others. The weather was beautiful, the food phenomenal and the time spent with everyone is just what I wanted and needed. My mom decided that what she wanted for Mothers Day was to have everyone in her home and to cook a big lunch of roast and all the fixings. I tried to talk her out of it but you know how it is when a momma makes up her mind....haha. So I told her that I would bring dessert. She loves marble cake(who doesn't?) and so I made a pretty cake fit for the occasion. It didn't turn out exactly like I envisioned it but it tasted yummy.

Me & my handsome husband (who did an excellent job in picking out my gift)

Me & my big man

Me and my littlest man

Me & my momma (the bestest mom in the whole world)

Me & my sister (who is a wonderful momma)

Me & my Mother in Law (such a sweet lady)


Such a wonderful day!!! Hope everyone else had a great day too!!

Blessings

Last week my mom asked me to help her finish up a pianting job. My sister offered to watch my boys so I could help. My mom is one of the most giving people in the world and so I said "yes". After all I enjoy painting and I could use a day without the kiddos. So off we went to paint a bathroom.

We got there and began cleaning and priming. The lady who owned the house came in and told me that she was moving and was getting rid of alot of the "stuff" that accumulated over the years. She had the radio on a Christian station and mom and I painted and listened. As the time went by I began to feel the presence of the Lord so strongly in her home. It was apparent that she was a woman that had invited the Lord in and lived in a way that would please Him. I was so blessed just being in her home. I cried and cried and laughed. It was a new and interesting experience for me. The Lord used her and her home to bless me so much that day.

We were about halfway through our day when she came in and asked if I had any Fine China dishes. When I got married 10 years ago I was so anti-tradition that I didn't even register for any. I thought it was a waste of money. But as I have gotten older I have wished so many times that I had some nice pretty dishes when company comes over. So I told her that I didn't have any and told her the story behind it. Then she showed me some beautiful Norcrest China and told me that I could have them. I was floored. They were so delicate and feminine and gorgeous. She started packing them up for me and put them by the front door. I was speechless. Then she asked if I had anyplace to put them. I told her I had a small hutch. Then she offered me a huge hutch from her dining room. I had noticed the hutch earlier and had thought to myself that I loved and it was sooooo cute. I didn't know what to say. She said that she would like to give it to me as well. All I had to do was to come and pick it up. About 15 minutes later she came to me with a wooden case and opened it. It was a silver set. Real silver. I have never had anything like that before. She put it with the dishes. She was so generous and giving. And she did so with such a joyful heart. It was such a blessing.

I went that day thinking that I would be able to be a blessing to someone and the Lord blessed me beyond my imagination. I now have a beautiul hutch with lovely China displayed on it and Silver to boot. These are all just material things but the Lord has used this experience to teach me so much.

I think God likes to just show off sometimes. He orchestrated that day to bless everyone. He blessed me while I worked and then added some fluff just because He can. The lady got her rooms painted and I was able to learn from her.

So I have been thinking that the Lord is alot like that lady. So often He wants to bless us but we never put ourselves in a position to be in the place where He can. If I hadn't gone that day I would not be the new owner of a hutch, China and Silver. It is just that simple. How many times have I missed out on Gods blessing because I didn't go or do the things God asked of me? He desires to pour out blessings in our lives. He longs to do things so great and above what we can conceive. Let's make sure we are in position to receive.

Have a great Mothers Day!!!!! And be blessed!

Job 10:12 You have granted me life and favor, and Your providence has preserved my spirit.
By the way.....aren't these the cutest little boys you have ever seen? These are my two little guys and my two nephews.