The Next Steps

I am a person that starts well, begins to feel like a failure at the first hiccup, talks negatively to myself until I give up and then feel defeated because I threw in the towel. I am discovering that there is a pattern, a deeply ingrained pattern that is slowly and subtley destroying me. I am tired of this cycle and have tried on numerous occasions to change, only to fail yet again. But I am beginning to realize that in some demented way, as much as I despise the failure, I am comfortable with it. I have spent so much time in that mindset that it has become my comfort zone. So apparently I am more terrified of finishing well, accomplishing something great (or even small). I get overwhelmed quickly and begin to freak out when I envision the many steps between me and my goal. It seems impossible, so instead of pushing through, I give up.  A behavior so ingrained that is has taken me 35 years to even see it. Crazy, huh? But something has happened to wake me up and shake some things in me. I have been a people pleaser my whole life but God is setting me free, free of the expectations of man, free of opinions of others and free of who I have thought I "should" be. It's a process but God is patient and is doing a new thing in me. But I am ready to move into His fullness in other areas too. I want to finish well. I want to walk in His peace, joy, love, compassion, health and purpose. So what He has been telling me is to focus on the "next" step, not the entire journey, but just the next step. To seek to glorify Him and to walk in obedience and to trust that He will carry the burden of everything else. I was not meant to shoulder everything, I don't have to carry the weight of all possible decisions or potential outcomes. I am simply to rest in Him, and to do the first thing, and then once that is finished, to do the next thing. Seems simple but I am praying for His peace, strength and joy as I attempt to learn a new way of doing things. The old way wasn't working so it's time to do it His way.