My God Is Enough

My God is enough for me today. Needing to remind myself.....and perhaps someone else. He is enough, no matter what.

If you can't beat them, join them

The last few weeks have been a lesson on patience and determination. I have struggled with our boys and their apathy in regards to school. It has made me question my abilities, my purpose, my approach and has left me tired.  I know that a couple weeks off always makes getting back into the groove difficult, but this has seemed like something else. I have been praying and attempting to talk reasonably with the boys. But after 2 weeks of saying the same thing over & over again, I kind of snapped. I laid down the law and did not allow them to express an opinion. The day went much smoother. I think my insecurities and doubt had spread and left them feeling like they could choose to NOT do school. I know that at times I would rather read than do the dishes, and so I do. I thought that I was teaching them to enjoy each day as it came but I think I have inadvertently taught them to procrastinate and to put off what they do not enjoy doing. NOT the lesson I hoped for.  So as I have been praying and seeking the Lord, I have heard him speak that I need to teach by example....not just teaching school subjects but how to live this life successfully and in a way that is pleasing to the Lord. It is time to step up and do better. Maya Angelou said "You did what you knew, and when you knew better, you did better".  So it is time to do better. I am praying for direction and divine inspiration. I am also praying that the Lord will help me to live MY life in a way that is pleasing to Him and is an example of goldy living that leads to a successful and joy-filled life.

Having A Day

Having a day...

when I feel overwhelmed.
when I feel under equipped.
when I feel WAY too hormonal.
when I want to eat chocolate.
when I want to cry.
when I feel sad.
when I feel happy.
when I feel like a failure.
when I can't seem to form a cohesive thought.
when I don't know how to help.
when I need encouragement.
when I need constructive criticism.
when every other song I hear makes me want to dance.
when every other song I hear makes me cry.
when I wish.........
when I need a friend.
when I realize that I am not the kind of friend I would like to have.
when I miss my hubby, even though we live in the same house.
when I am thankful.
when I wonder if I what I am doing is working.
when I miss family.
when I want to laugh.
when I need help.

Today I am a mother. Today I am a wife. Today I am the daughter of the King. And today that is enough...even if my flesh says something different.

Sun, sun, sun

Today the sun is shining. A nice change from the wet, wet conditions of the last 2 months. Our yard looks like a mud pit. I can't back out of the driveway without slipping and sliding in the dark brown ruts. All three of my fellas are working in the yard. What a nice day!

I am having a hard time organizing any kind of coherent, cohesive blog post so I thought I might try a Top Ten Random post.

Top Ten Favorites of the Moment:

1. Favorite Song: Beneath The Waters by Hillsong

2.Favorite Book: Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers

3. Favorite Food: Italian

4. Favorite Dessert: Moms Marble Cake from Food Glorious Food

5. Favorite Past-time: Reading, spending time with my family and those sweet conversations with my best-est girl friends

6. Favorite Chore to Avoid: mopping floors

7. Favorite Blog to Read: Fearfully Wonderfully by my awesome sister in law, Christy

8. Favorite Time of Day: as a night owl, I have to admit to the midnight hour.

9. Favorite Subject to Teach our boys: pretty much anything the gets them excited.....but I am hoping that they will love to read and write as much as their momma.

10. Favorite Sound: I have 2......the sound of our boys laughing together and our oldest son playing the piano. We are working on being able to record this songs so everyone else can enjoy them too. They are able to touch a place in my heart that not much else can.

I hope to be able to put together an update post soon.

A New School Year

Last week started a new school year at our house.  The boys were excited seeing all of their books and curriculum arrive in the mail. I was excited to have "things" to do to fill the long hours of summertime. We were very relaxed this summer and took a little over 2 months off. So it was time.

I decided to purchase curriculum this year that would allow me to teach both boys together. Last year I found it difficult to keep them separated...was also a lot more hours of prep and teaching. So I was excited that the youngest is now reading and writing and that we can study together.

I am continuing with Abeka for Language with both boys this year. First & Third grades. I learned phonics and reading with Abeka and it is working well for us. I am adding in some different handwriting and reading to supplement.

We love Alpha Omegas Horizons Math. This is our third year using it and we don't plan to change anytime soon. (First & Third grades)

We are using Apologia Astronomy for our science. The boys love it so far!

Road Trip USA by Confessions of a Homeschooler is our choice for Geography. The boys are enjoying it a lot! And so am I!

Apologia's Who Is God? is what we are using for Bible. It got lost in the mail so I just received it this week. I have looked through it and it looks good too.  Can't wait to try it out.

And lastly, we are using Mystery of History for History.

I like that the curriculum for science, geography, history and Bible all include arts & crafts and writing. It will make the school year a well rounded one.

Pretty sure this list is for my own reference. But if anyone else is reading, HAPPY NEW SCHOOL YEAR!!

Changes

So much going on right now. It could be so easy to become overwhelmed and dig my head in the sand. But what good would come from that? How would God reveal His glory? What would the testimony of my life be?

My heart is rejoicing and crying at the same time tonight.

To understand, I need to fill you in on what has been going on the last year.

My mom & dad were divorced 2 years ago after being separated for over 3 years.
That same month, my sister & I and our husbands and our 4 kiddos picked up and moved across the country. That tore my heart wide open. I found out later that it tore the heart of my mother even more. It is easy to put aside heartache when you are excited and looking forward, which is what I did. But we left her in the midst of her heartache and pain. We were her comfort, her friends, the only people on the planet that KNEW exactly what she was going through. And for some reason, the Lord led us to be parted at what was the most painful time of her life. Who can understand the ways of the Lord?

She pressed into the Lord, leaned into His arms, listened to His heart, sought His face, fell at His feet and began the healing of her heart. She learned to open up and be vulnerable. She had to seek out fellowship and deepen friendships. We all did. It is so easy to let your family become your whole world and rely on them instead of the Lord when things get tough. But we had to learn a new way. A better way. A way that could bring true healing.

A couple of months after moving across the country, my sister and her family moved away from the town where we all lived. God separated us even further. It broke my heart. I didn't understand it at all. But in the walking it out, I found a deeper relationship with my God and with my husband. What I hadn't realized until we were away from all of our family was that I had never done the "leaving & cleaving" that we vowed on our wedding day. He had always felt 2nd place in my life. My husband of 12 years became my best friend. Our family began changing in new and exciting ways.  And exactly a year after leaving the South and my family, we moved back to the South and the same house we had left behind. It had never sold and the Lord told us to pack up and head home. And we did.

We had not been home long at all when we found out that my mom was losing the house she had lived in for 16 years. She began looking for a place to live. After much searching and much frustration on her part, we felt like she was supposed to move in with us. She was reluctant at first, not wanting to impose. But as God shut every other door she agreed and moved into our house almost a year ago. What a tremendous blessing! We have had a wonderful year together.

A week before she moved in, I received a message on FB from a man that had known me as a child asking if my mom was on FB. His son had moved in across from my grandparents and he had heard that my mom & dad were divorced. His wife had passed away a couple of years earlier so he wanted to see how mom was doing.  He says that my mom was a "direct & immediate answer to prayer". He had prayed that day to the Lord to let his path cross with my mom. (Not sure how that would happen since they live 1,000 miles apart). But that night I signed onto FB for the first time in almost a year and he saw my name and sent the message. That began their story. They emailed for several months, then texted and eventually began talking on the phone. Mom would laugh and giggle while reading his emails and texts. And she began smiling again. Smiling a lot. It did my heart so good to see it. After many months of talking and seeing each other, he proposed and she accepted. And last week they were married. He is a wonderful man with a wonderful family. He loves the Lord with His whole heart and He loves His family, my mom and now our family with everything he has in him. He is honorable, compassionate, generous, kind, loving, selfless, funny, and he chose my mom. He cherishes her and I can see that she has opened up her heart again to receive love and she loves him so much in return. They are so sweet together. I am so happy for both of them. I am excited to see what God will do in their marriage and in their life together. It is a new beginning.

And today they left with all of her belongings in a moving truck to go to a town 1,000 miles away. So my heart is rejoicing in the love and excitement of this new beginning but crying because of the separation . I know that we will be fine and that God will walk us through, like He always has before. But I feel like this last year has been an undeserved gift, a surprise, a blessing. My, how things can change in a year.

So thankful to the Lord for this precious time. So thankful that I was allowed to see her fall in love again. So thankful to have watched her heal and open up her heart. So thankful to be with her while she shopped for her wedding dress. So thankful to have had her at our boys' baseball games this spring. So thankful for the presence and friendship of my sweet momma in our home. So thankful for love she gave, the time she shared, and the cake we have eaten together. I love you momma!!! I will miss having you close. Thank you for being my mom and my friend.  I look forward to seeing what God is going to do in your life. In the lives of our whole family. Jesus came to restore and I am seeing it happen right before my eyes.

Here is the song that all the kids sang at the wedding. It was precious!

The Poison of Insecurity

The last couple of months I have been struggling with some different things. Mostly I have been struggling in how to respond to the waves of human chaos that swirl about us all.  In one moment it seems I respond one way and in the next I am rocked by a wave and I find myself responding in a different manner. And through it all I have been praying and seeking to be able to know what is the "right" way.

As a Christian I want to make sure that my responses and reactions glorify God but what does that mean exactly? Does it mean to just stay quiet? Does it mean to speak up? Lay out an ultimatum? I have been confused. And it would be a HUGE understatement to say that it has affected my worship, in my alone time and in corporate worship with the body of believers at church.

There is one word that keeps coming to the front of my thoughts.....INSECURITY. At first I brushed it off and ignored it but it just won't go away. So today I am going to jot down what I feel that word has to do with why I am struggling.

I have learned that insecurity is a two-edged sword. We all think that it just keeps us from stepping out and trying new things. But I have found that it also has a tendency to make others super control freaks. There are some that are so insecure in themselves that they shrink from change, they want to stay comfortable and not try new things. The reasons and excuses for this behavior are as many as there are people but it all boils down the fact that we don't think we can do it. We think someone else will do it better. We don't believe in ourselves so we don't step out. And this affects how we interact with the people around us. We may not stand up for what we believe is right, we might not volunteer to serve, we don't step out to learn something new, instead we settle. We settle and then despise ourselves everyday because we aren't brave. We look in the mirror and wish we were different, that we were braver and could step out.

Then there are some of us that are insecure and the way it manifests in our lives is with an overpowering controlling attitude. We want to do everything ourselves. Not all control freaks are this way because of insecurity...some are arrogant and prideful.....and others are just trying to keep their heads above water. But today I want to talk about those that are controlling because they are insecure. It all boils down to the fact that they are afraid of failure and are afraid someone else might be able to do something better than them. They are insecure about their abilities and gifts and instead of delegating tasks and working cooperatively with those around them, they instead insist on doing everything themselves. They overwork themselves and are resentful that they have to do it all, but they just can't let others help them because someone might outshine them. Their insecurity keeps them isolated from community and fellowhip with others.

How sad. God created us all unique and with many different giftings. No where in the Word of God does He say that one gift is better than another. We are to encourage each other in the gifts God placed in us. We are not to compare. We are to work together to accomplish the work of the Gospel. One man or woman cannot do it alone, even if they think they can. It is just impossible. We need Christ and we need each other.  We might wish we had a particular gift but instead we should look at what God wants us to do because that is when we will be most effective for the Kingdom of God. Don't try to be someone you are not. And don't blindly step into something just because someone else wants you to do it. No one else knows you like the One who made you. Ask Him what you are to be doing. Even if it makes someone else upset. We are to please God first. And it is only in doing that we will be fulfilled and walking in joy and peace.

Know who you are in Christ. Seek Him. Find out what He says about you. Don't let insecurity keep you in bondage and in limbo. God is teaching me that when I know who I am in Him, the world that swirls around me will not rock me. I will be able to stand firm and respond in a way that gives God the glory. And I will be able to relate to others around me, especially others in the Body of Christ in a much healthier more fulfilling way. Insecurity is just another word for FEAR. And God says that we don't have to fear. He has already won the victory. He goes before us and prepares the way. He will walk with us and lead us through. Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is FREEDOM! (2 Cor. 3:17)

Let's stand up and walk in the liberty of Christ!!!