Vulnerability

Vulnerability.........such a loaded word. Without it, there cannot be intimacy, openness and closeness. But I find it hard to allow myself to be vulnerable until those things are already in place. So it's a catch 22. And I'm not just talking about in marriage. It's a given that vulnerability allows a depth of relationship with your  husband. But it's true in other areas too.

Sometimes I ache with a desire to have a really close friend, especially one that is close in proximity. But I find it hard to put myself out there. I don't want to be a bother or a burden.

Unfortunately habits are formed when we are young that are difficult to break when we grow up.  I grew up moving around the country. About the time we would get settled, it was time to move again. As I look back on my life I remember a few friends that made an impression, a lasting difference in my life. But there are also a lot more that were merely friendships of convenience. And I'm sure they would remember me the same way.

I find in this day of technology and social networking that I am even less likely to attempt connection. Everyone is so busy, their lives look or appear so full. I desire a face to face friend. One that can sit in my living room and talk to me. One that truly knows me. Not just my Sunday morning self. Or my homeschool co-op self. But knows me......the real me. To know that I love reading, and putting together puzzles, and using power tools, and playing music with my boys, and eating, but not really cooking.

So, this year I am going to put myself out there and be the friend that I would like to have. And pray that the Lord will bring people across my path that I can be a friend to, to encourage, to love on.