Becoming The Woman I Want To Be

I was reading through my list of blogs that I love and I looked over at my bookshelf and a title caught my eye. It is "Becoming The Woman I Want To Be" by Donna Partow. It is a devotional book that I purchased over 6 years ago. I have started it 3 times and have never finished it. Let me just insert here that I have follow through issues. Unless it involves a novel, then I am riveted and am useless to society and my family until I finish it. Anyway, the book got me to thinking about the woman I want to be. Actually I was just talking to my hubby last night about it. I was rattling off this list of attributes and characteristics that I hope are remembered by my children when they are grown. And to be honest, some of them are areas is which I need tremendous growth. My hubby looked at me and said, "That is up to you, the choices you make every day will affect who you are." I know that on a head level but is it really something that I am concious of on a daily basis? How can I teach my sons that discipline is important if I procrastinate and they see me procrastinate? They will do what I do, not what I say, right?

Another look at my bookshelf brought another wave of conviction upon me. I have books on just about any topic you would ever need to read about. Most are written by Christian authors and I have enjoyed reading most of them. I have mentioned a couple hundred times on this blog that I am a reader. But how many times have I picked up a book to get an answer I need when all I have to do is pick up the Word of God? I have substituted my devotional time with "reading time". NOT COOL!

While I am putting it all out there.....God has been dealing with me about my mouth and what I allow to come out of it. Somedays I do alright, but then there are days when I am peeved, frustrated and aggrivated and I find myself picking up my phone and calling someone to vent my feelings. Even as I type that it seems to silly to think that another imperfect person will be able to handle my problem for me. But that has been a pattern of behavior that I am trying to break. So, a few days ago I was having a day and I picked up my phone, God spoke to me and said "Hello, I am right here." I ignored Him and dialed the phone. Guess what? I went through 4 or 5 people and no one would answer. Then the Lord spoke again "Hey, I am right here. Talk to me. I am the only one that can really help and have your best interest at heart". So I did. I vented my frustration and feelings. And it felt great. He listened and comforted me and then reminded me about what His Word says about the situtation. My boys were in the backseat during all of this. I thought I was talking softly enough to not bother them but my oldest asked me why I was talking to God. I told him that I was aggrivated and needed to tell God about it. He smiled and said "Can I do that too?" Then he proceeded to tell God about what was bugging him that day. What a lesson God was teaching me in that moment. My boys WILL do what they see me do, hear me say, how I react, how I treat others and how I approach my Heavenly Father. What a huge responsibility.
But God has promised to be with me on this journey as I lean into Him.

Looks like I have alot to reprogram in my life but I am so thankful that God continues to speak and show up in my life. He is so great!!!