Anybody seen me?

I have been thinking and meditating lately about what my purpose is. I know I should never compare myself with others. Because if I do, I may begin to feel insecure or even worse prideful and superior. I know that I should focus entirely on who God says I am. Then why is it so hard sometimes?

As I sit here and ponder and type I am mentally running through the list of things that I enjoy and in which I am talented. I am also running through the list of things that I do not enjoy and am most definitley not talented. And then there is the list of things I would like to be able to do but no matter how hard I try it just isn't happening. Maybe it is magnified at this point in my life because most of my days are spent doing the mundane yet important tasks of motherhood. You know? Make the beds (check) Make breakfast (check) Get dressed (or not) etc, etc, etc.

I feel that I have so much to offer but am floundering. Is it because I just haven't been brave enough to step out or is it something else? Have I spent too much time thinking and not enough time living?

Please don't misunderstand. My life is full of so many people and circumstances that I would never trade. I love being a wife more than anything. I am living my dream of being a mother. I look in the faces of my sweet little boys and I know that my job as their mom is my most important right now. Then why do I feel like I am still missing something?

Not sure how many of you know this but I LOVE praise and worship and I LOVE teaching kids. These two things have been a source of joy and inspiration to me for years now. Except things have changed over the last couple of years in my life and I have not had opportunity to do them as much I had in the past. It gnaws at my insides. Teaching a child about God and hearing them sing to the Lord with their face upturned to the heavens melts my heart like nothing else in the world.

I know and realize that God is growing me and teaching me and molding me. But I am getting impatient. Wow! That sounds so immature now that it is out there. Yikes! Guess I still have some growing up to do.

In the meantime I will focus on my #1 goal right now. Using those very same gifts to teach my own sweet little men to sing praises and to know and love their Heavenly Father. I am pretty sure that will make my Heavenly Father happy and proud of me.

But just in case you were wondering here is a list of things in which I am not gifted.
1. Comedy. I try so hard but the only one I crack up is myself.
2. Yard Stuff. If you tell me what to do I will do it but can't for the life of me figure it out on my own.
3. Cleaning.....ok, well ,maybe I just don't enjoy it
4. Scrapbooking.......never want to even try.
5. Politics...yuck
6. Sports...lets just say that my volleyball coach gave me most improved for the 5 years I played just because he felt bad for me.
7. I am not great with preschoolers....lets leave it at that.
8. I have a problem with follow through.
9. I also procrastinate a good bit.
10. Organization.....nope not my strong suit

I guess you get the picture.

So just for my own benefit I am going to remind myself about the things I am good at.

1. I am a great mother. I do this well. I had a great example in my mom and have an awesome partner in my husband. Not saying there aren't days when I want to pull my hair out. But I enjoy being a mom. I love it!
2. I am a godly wife.
3. I am good with kids.
4. I am a good friend.
5. I am a good sister.
6. I love to lead people into the Lords presence through worship.
7. I can sing.
8. I can play the piano.
9. I am learning to play the guitar.
10. I can teach.
11. I love to read.
12. I love to write.
13. Puzzles! I am great at puzzles.
14. Also pretty good at dialoging in movie quotes.
15. Picking up some skills as a handy-lady.
16. Most importantly....I am a child of God.