Praise Junky

What happened to my brain cells???

2011-09-28T17:07:00.000-04:00

It is amazing how when you take a break from something how much harder it is to get going again.....could be eating healthy, exercising, reading your Bible, regular prayer time, cleaning, and in this case.....blogging.

I have sat down at the computer so many times over the last couple of months to write a new post and just stare at the screen and cannot come up with anything to write. Oh, I think of things while I am at home doing other things.....but when I sit down to type it up I cannot remember any of the brilliant and witty and articulate things I want to say.

There is much going on in our home and lives right now but I am not really compelled to summarize and share...especially since it will most likely read like your own day. Not much fun.

I am in a rut when it comes to cooking so I don't have any really cool and yummy recipes to share.

My camera needs new batteries so I don't even have any new pics.

I know.....pathetic. :)

I am hoping that as I make a point to blog more often that the creative juices will begin flowing again and I might actually be able to write something that someone else might actually want to read.

In the meantime.........

Where Did Summer Go?

2011-08-10T12:40:00.001-04:00

Seems like we just finished up school and began summer. And then here we are again. We start school on Monday. We have found an awesome homeschool group here. They have classes every Friday morning and we are so excited about that!! The art center here has expressed an interest in teaching an art class to homeschoolers every couple of weeks. And we have Kids For Christ on Wednesday afternoons. Add piano lessons, trips to the library and soccer to that and you have a very well rounded school schedule. Our youngest will begin this year as well. He is completely different than our oldest so it will be an adventure for sure. I think I was able to get alot of my "I can't believe I am doing this" jitters out last year and am looking forward to a fun year with my boys.

While I was catching up on some blog reading a few days ago I saw this awesome post about homeschooling. Even if you don't homeschool it will touch your mothers heart. It is exactly what I would want to say if someone asked me why we homeschool. It is just the right choice for us.

Hope to have more updates soon. Oh, I have started riding bikes around town with my boys. So much fun!!! Loving it!! It gets us moving, out of the house and saving us money too!! I will wait until I have pedaled 10 pounds off before I show pics of that.....hahaha

Be blessed!!

Still Alive & Kicking

2011-07-13T20:13:00.000-04:00

We are still alive out here in Kansas. A storm came through almost a month ago and blew up our computer. So thankful that is the only thing it took out. So until we can save some moolah for a new one I will be posting less often. My mother in law just moved to town last weekend and has her internet up and running. So we will be frequenting her computer. Don't know if anyone is reading but in case you are.......still here and hope to get back to blogging soon.

A Truth Quilt

2011-06-16T17:31:00.000-04:00

I read this today on a blog that I read most days and it really spoke to me. So I wanted to share it with you guys.
when you take the scraps of lies and make a truth quilt

Makes me want to learn to quilt. Enjoy!

I Choose

2011-06-13T15:33:00.000-04:00

Today I choose to not let my feeling dictate my day.

Today I choose to dwell on the blessings in my life and not the lack.

Today I choose to order my home so it brings peace and not chaos.

Today I choose to lean into the arms of my Heavenly Father and let Him love on me without trying to wriggle away.

Today I choose to believe that things can be different.

Today I choose to think the things that change the attitude that becomes the habit that changes my life forever.

Today I choose to choose. I will not let circumstance decide my life for me. I will not let my feelings decide my life for me. I will exercise the free will God gave me to choose to be different. As long as there is breathe in my body there is hope (totally stole that quote from a commercial in Florida).

I choose to worship even if it is only words pouring from my mouth at first.

I choose to let my Spirit be in charge today and not my flesh.

I choose.

Would you answer the Ad?

2011-06-10T10:54:00.000-04:00

So I was browsing through some blogs today and had this random thought about "Want Ads" and would I answer the ad for my job? You know the one that I have right now? The whole mommy thing....so I decided to write out what the ad would actually look like.

WANTED: a multi-tasker that is not afraid of hard work. Must be able to do laundry, clean the house, wash the dishes, supervise children, talk on the phone, answer e-mails, read stories, wipe hineys, break up fights, turn down the TV, make the beds, organize the house, hang blinds, fold laundry, grocery shop, take kiddos to the park, kiss little boys after they hurt themselves, cook dinner, meal plan, pay bills, play the piano, sing for the fun of it, dust, babysit nephews, make bread, unload dishwasher, make hubbys lunch, be supportive of ideas and dreams of sons and husband, express love, exercise patience, be available 24/7, must be tolernant of using your body as a jungle gym for children and feeling like velcro. Must be able to prioritize so that you can fit your devotional time into your day somehow. Must be willing to pray for the children and hubby. Probably won't get more than 90 seconds at a time to yourself, even to use the bathroom. Must be able to teach and show enthusiasm for learning. Must be willing to admit when you are wrong and when you just don't know. Skilled at spot removal and use of tools is helpful. BENEFITS include: leaving the house some days to realize that you only put on half your make-up, knowing everynight that no matter how hard you worked to get everything done that you will wake up to find something you missed. Getting to see the moment your child "gets it" and knowing that you are blessed to share with them everything you feel is important. Getting to know the children and seeing them develop into the unique people God created. Quality time with the family. Having the boys climb up in my lap (or wap) and kiss me and tell me that they love me. Knowing that it won't be more than 15 minutes until someone is touching me and wanting hugs. Seeing the hubbys face when he walks in and smells his favorite meal cooking. Being available for heart to heart talks with all 3 of the men in my house. Getting to see all that God is doing in their lives and mine. Priceless!!!

So, yes I would totally answer the Ad. What would your ad look like?

10 Random Thoughts or Things

2011-06-08T15:31:00.000-04:00

Things have been a little deep around here on the blog so I thought I would try to lighten it up. So here is a list of 10 random things you might or might not want to know about me.

1. I have a serious obsession with Fudge Rounds and Cosmic Brownies.

2. My waistline seems to have gone on a vacation (see #1)

3. Kansas wind has transitioned in my mind from "so annoying" to a level of awesomeness I cannot describe. Perhaps it is the 100+ degree temps we are having. But wind is a girls best friend on days like that.

4. I do NOT miss humidity at all!!!

5. Took a walk with my little guys yesterday. They were on bikes.....I heard screaming and apparently they were being chased by a fox (their story, not mine) and while I was concerned, it was all I could do to not laugh at them. Sure the fox ran away from all that drama quickly.

6. They have a great school here. But I love homeschooling and so do my boys. So am praying once again about what is the best for our family. So many people with opinions ( and strange looks...haha)

7. Have you ever decorated your home exactly the way you want it only to wake up one morning and wonder what in the world you have been thinking? I have.

8. Am seriously about to invest some major moolah into some awesome undergarments. Perky is a distant memory.....and hubby says "no" to surgery. Victoria Secret here I come.

9. Did you know that there are some towns that only have 2 days a month that you can get a drivers license? I didn't know that either......but I do now. 14 days to go.....

10. Having your 4 & 6 years olds climb up in your lap and say " I Love You Momma" is the best thing EVER!

Happy Wednesday!!

Change of Perspective

2011-06-05T21:23:00.000-04:00

I was sitting in church this morning and had a moment that felt like I had the rug pulled out from under me and was hit between the eyes at the same time.

But before I tell you about that I guess I need to give some background info so it will all make sense.

I have been dealing with drama in the family arena for several years now. My dad went off the deep end and left and apparently it has affected me more than I want to admit. I am 32 years old. I don't need my dad to provide for me financially or to take care of me like I needed when I was a child. But guess what? I have needed him to be there for me and he isn't. That stinks!! I don't like feeling like this. He has been wishy washy and here one minute and gone the next. He has made promises only to break them. I have let my guard down in hopes that "this time" it would be different only to have my heart trampled yet again. I have held my sweet boys in my arms while they cry and ask where Papa has gone and why doesn't he want to see them? So, to put it simply.....I am hurting. I know that somewhere in the messed up life of his that he loves me. I want to believe that. But his actions show different. His priorities reveal what he holds important. I miss him so much that at times I feel like I can't even breathe. I want to call him and talk to him like we used to, but it isn't the same. He isn't the same. And I am a different person as well. I want to yell at him and hit him, yet I need a hug so badly that if I saw him I might not let go. I am so conflicted and confused. I know that the Lord says to forgive. So I have done that. But it is the walking it all out that is just so hard. I need him but I don't want to need him, if that makes any sense. To love him and to reach out means to put myself at risk of rejection again and I know that it would be coming. I am hurting........just like soooooo many others out there. Maybe it isn't a dad that walked away, but a husband or a wife or a child or a best friend or you were hurt by a pastor or teacher, sister, brother. We all have that person that left us feeling like we were less than and we wonder if there is anything that we could have done differently to have avoided the rejection and hurt. If you say that you haven't experienced it then you are either truly blessed or in complete denial. But we feel it, someone said they don't love us or they say they love us and prove different by their words, actions, priorities. How does it make you feel???

So I was sitting in service this morning and the pastor asked that question. How does it feel? Immediately my heart and mind went down that road and I couldn't contain my raw emotions that I try to hide away. I was wallowing in the hurt and pain that was inflicted upon me.....when I was snapped out it by this next question......how do you think God feels when we say we love Him but act like we don't? When we don't give Him the time He deserves? When we allow other things to take His place as our first love? I was hit in the middle of the forehead with the realization that I was making my Savior Jesus Christ feel the same way I despised and resented. I have been telling Him that I love Him but walking in a way that would prove opposite. If I am honest, I love sleeping in more than I love spending time with Him alone. I love watching TV more than Bible study. I love irresponsibility more than preparing to reach a lost and dying world. I love myself and what is going on with me more than what He values and thinks is important. I love music more than worship. I love books more than the Word of God. How dejected I must be making my Savior feel. It broke and still breaks my heart to think that I have inflicted then same kind of hurt that I have been dealing with on anyone else, much less the One that gave everything for me. He gave His life, His life blood, His Son, He has given me everything I need to love Him back. And that is what He covets and desires above all things. To be loved by His children. I am His daughter and unfortunatley I have been acting like I have no appreciation for that fact whatsoever. I love my Savior Jesus Christ and I want Him to feel my love. I need to learn to love. And only time with Him will reveal exactly what that looks and feels like. He wants to be my daddy and to show me what a daddys love feels like. So instead of focusing on what I have lost in my earthly fathers love, I am going to sit at the feet of my Heavenly Father and get to know Him.

My thoughts

2011-06-03T19:07:00.001-04:00

As I sit here and wonder

About what God has in store

I think of the times

When I could have had more

More peace and more patience

More kindness and love

More joy and compassion

from God up above

What is it not offered

Or just not received

I know that the choice

was all up to me

I look forward with joy

to today and the next

knowing that God

wants to order my steps

Will I let Him or

keep doing it my way

Everyday is a choice

I choose Him today.

The Church Search

2011-05-30T12:07:00.000-04:00

Well we are now into the end of our first month in Kansas and if I am honest I must admit that adjusting has been tougher than I was anticipating. I thought I was prepared and had it under control since I grew up a PK (Pastors Kid) and we moved around as much as if I had been an Army brat. But that was almost 20 years ago. I have since developed comfort zones and set up house and have been married 11 years, had 2 children and have fallen into routines. I miss my house. And I think I am missing it more because it is still OUR house. It has not sold and we really need it to. So many other people in our great nation have the same problem so I know that we are unique in this situation. But it is so odd to know that I have a beautiful house sitting empty right now......and we have to keep paying the bills for it. But the Lord is providing and it is still ours and will be until He sells it for us.

Our new home (a rental...and that stresses me out to no end...haha) is nice and new and we are the first people to live in it. It has carpet and everyone knows how much I like to vaccuum so that makes me happy. We have a basement to hold all of our "stuff" that won't fit anywhere else and a garage. And let me tell you.....that is sooooo nice. But the thing I am most excited about is the closets I have in this house. All 3 bedrooms have nice size closets and I have 2 linen closets and a coat closet. Now that doesn't sound impressive to most but I have lived in 2 different houses in my married life. The first had 1 closet....1....that is it and it was tiny. The second had 2...a total of 2. So not much storage area....I had to use a dresser to house towels and sheets and such. So 6 closets is rocking my world right now. I still think I may need to have a garage sale because I have found that we still have too much stuff.

So that bring me to the whole point of this blog....in a roundabout kind of way. We are in this awesome little town and we are trying to get settled in. The residents of Greensburg are so nice and kind and it has a really nice feel to it. And we are looking for a church to get involved in. There isn't a church in town like what we are used to. And that has been a kink. But hubby and I both feel like the Lord called us to Greensburg and that we need to be involved in the community and in this town. And the best way to do that is to serve in a church here. The closest church like what we are used to is over 40 miles away. We wouldn't be able to get involved like we would like to if we had to drive that far. Plus how would we be able to invite people to church and expect them to drive so far. So that leaves us with the churches in town. We have visited a couple and think we have settled on one. We are still praying but we have a peace right now. I was talking to my sister about it all. Because I do have concerns as there are some faith in practice issues that differ from our beliefs. But the most important point....Jesus and salvation are one in the same. She was so encouraging and challenged me to look at things from a different perspective. So we are still praying and seeking the Lords will. I know He will be faithful to reveal it if we truly want to hear what He has to say. This whole experience has been stretching us so why shouldn't this stretch us too? God wants us to mature and to grow into the people He intended us to be all along. And growing is sometimes painful and uncomfortable but He is with us. He has always shown Himself faithful and so I will stand on that Truth and know that He has a plan.

One last thought.........did you know that we live in the windiest area of the country? Yesterday it was blowing so hard you could hardly stand up. And it isn't just an occasional gust. It blows all the time. If you close your eyes you can almost inagine that you are at the beach. Ah...the beach.....

Freedom

2011-05-25T12:10:00.000-04:00

I have a new favorite song. Actually I would call it a heartsong right now. I feel so blessed to have heard it on a day that was not a great one for me. It is a couple years old apparently but I had not heard it until a couple weeks ago. It is in my mind and in my heart all the time. I truly want freedom. I do..I do..I do.

And I want freedom for my family. Some of you may read my sister in laws blog http://www.fearfully-wonderfully.com/ and know about what they have been dealing with the past 4 years. But if you don't, you should check her blog out. She and my brother have been through multiple miscarriages at various stages of gestation and have had to learn to trust even when trusting means having your heart ripped out. I am blown away by what I have seen the Lord do in them and in those around them. They have the sweetest little boy, Isaak, who brings joy to whomever he meets. I know that he is a miracle and I know that God is lining up another and another and another. So I want freedom for Amick and Christy.

I want freedom for my parents. I haven't talked about it on here because I was trying to protect their privacy but they are now divorced and I feel liberty to share. My father is not walking in the fullness of Gods blessing and I see how many chains he has picked up and is carrying around and it breaks my heart. It still seems so surreal that my parents are no longer married. I want freedom for them both. I want freedom from fear, freedom from doubt, freedom from selfishness and pride.

I will blog more about it all soon. I am just overwhelmed today. It is my sister's birthday. Her name was Kailyn and she would be turning 25 today had she not passed on almost 15 years ago. My heart is aching for my mom today because she is having to face this day alone. My brother lives 3 hours away from her. My sister and I now live 20 hours away and my father has become a completely different person and is not there for her either. Please pray for my momma today. She needs it, as do we all. And we all need to be praying for the people affected by these terrible storms swirling around our country right now. In the midst of it all, God is still God and I have to remember that.

It's My Birthday.

2011-05-23T15:23:00.000-04:00

Today is my birthday. I am now 32 years young. I have received so many texts, facebook comments and actual cards and phone calls that I feel a bit overwhelmed right now.

I am one of those people that tries to act like it is no big deal (you know, just in case nobody remembers and I have to deal with "those" feelings) but deep inside it is a big deal. It is a day to celebrate the life I have lived so far and to express thanks and to look forward to the days and years ahead.

Here I am in a new town without all my friends, except for my bestie, my sister. And I am wishing that we could go out and have a girls night. You know, one of those nights that you go to dinner and laugh until you cry and then maybe actually cry for other reasons, then realize that everyone is laughing at you. I want a night like that. I have always felt guilty for asking for things like that. Why? So I am putting it out there. I want a night to feel special and revel in the fact that it is about me for just a little while. I think I am worth that.

So, now I need to make some friends out here because I know all my sweet lovely ladies back home are not going to be driving out here to have a girls night, NO matter how awesome I am....haha

The Way

2011-05-18T21:55:00.000-04:00

Hubby and I are actively looking for a church in our new hometown. And I must say it has been a bit more interesting than I was anticipating. I know that the Lord has a place for us to worship, serve and to fellowship with other believers. The thing that has gotten me a little confounded is that there are so many denominations in our Christian faith that it makes things harder than it needs to be.

When the disciples first started spreading the gospel to the towns, provinces, and nations after Jesus was resurrected I am sure that the emphasis was on the good news of salvation through the blood sacrifice of Jesus Christ. Now we have churches that divide rather than unify with the differences that have emerged over the past 2,000 years. Some examples......salvation by faith or by baptism? Speaking in tongues or not? Eternal security or can you lose your salvation? Baptism by sprinkling or by immersion? I am so aggrivated right now. Can you tell? Perhaps I should settle down and just pray that the Lord will lead us where He wants us. I know what I believe but it saddens me to see so many believers putting energy into things that really don't make any difference in the end. Jesus is the only way. Belief that He is who He says He is and has done everything to offer me salvation is the only choice. Trusting in Him and walking daily to bring Him glory is what He desires. Leading unbelievers into His presence is His greatest delight. Let's get on with it.

Amber Waves of Grain

2011-05-17T11:35:00.000-04:00

Hello from the great state of Kansas!!!

It has been 2 weeks since we arrived with a huge 26 foot truck pulling another U-Haul. So now there are 8 more residence of Kansas.

It has been a smooth transition and we are enjoying our new homeplace.

The boys have been busy exploring and checking out all the parks. And riding their bikes on our paved driveway......they are ecstatic about it.....haha

We are trying to play catch up with our schoolwork and finish up the year. My sweet little man is doing so well with his schooling!!

Hubby is loving his job! But the highlight was Sunday evening when he was able to lead a young man he works with to the Lord. What a blessing!!! Hubby is so excited! I am so proud of him and so inspired by what He is allowing God to do in him and through him.

I want to thank everyone who has been praying for us over the last 6 months. They have been felt and I know have made a huge difference in this new journey for our family. I never imagined I could feel this measure of peace about moving to an entirely new town 1,200 miles away from our home.

Our home is still for sale and we would appreciate prayers for a quick sell. We know God is working it out and will be faithful to complete the work He began.....just anxious to see it come to pass.....you know me and patience...lol

I will take some pics and post them soon. Trying to decide how anonymous I want to be with this blog.

Good Friday

2011-04-22T09:17:00.000-04:00

This is a repost but this song touches me so much, especially on this day, I had to share.

May you be blessed this Good Friday as we remember the love and sacrifice of our Savior Jesus Christ.
Happy Easter.....He is Risen! Hallelujah!!!!

Defiant Disobedience

2011-04-18T14:38:00.001-04:00

I have been running up against something in the last few days that is a relatively new phenomenon in our house.

My boys have begun to willfully disobey even though they know that they have been instructed not to and are aware of consequences. I am not sure I am ready for this yet. I thought I had at least a few more years of innocence with them.

I will spare you all the details but I have been so explicit and have gone over off limits areas and what is not acceptable and the consequences of disobedience and yet they willfully and defiantly do it anyway. My youngest will just look at you and say "yes" he did it because he wanted to . My oldest is blaming it on his younger brother even though he was caught red handed. Said he didn't make the bad choice. I feel a loooooong discussion coming when I calm down.

I have to be honest, I probably overreacted a bit but I am fed up with it. I don't feel like I should tolerate it. It isn't like they just forgot the rules or pushed the boundaries a little. It is full blown rebellion. Hmmm.....rebellion. Wonder where they learned that?

As I was pacing outside trying to calm down so I wouldn't sprout horns I heard the Holy Spirit speak to me. His voice asked me how many times I have willfully and defiantly acted out in rebellion even though that there would be consequences. And it doesn't have to just be a sin I committed but could be a sin of omission....not doing something he told me to. Conviction came upon my heart and I knew that the very thing I am so upset at in my boys is an area of my life that needs the transforming power of God to change. Does this mean that I am going to excuse what the boys have done? No, but will it help me address it in love and compassion? Yes, I think so. Granted I have made choices that I knew were wrong and I shouldn't do them and sometimes I might have even known what the consequence would be. I did them anyway because my flesh wanted the instant result of the rebellion. Have I paid a price? You bet. Has God forgiven me? Absolutely. But have I had to deal with the consequences even though the forgiveness of the Lord was mine? Without a doubt.

Rebellion is as old as the garden of Eden. Rebellion is just as simple as doing the opposite of what I know the Lord asks of me. Is it a big deal? Yep. It creates a chasm between the Lord and I. Just like the actions of my boys created a chasm between them and I. Forgiveness, love, compassion and repentance will close the chasm. But I have to want to close it. God won't do it alone. He waits for us to call to Him and to surrender to what He wants to work in us.

I think the greatest truth I have learned from this experience today is that I was so dissapointed and hurt and felt like my boys didn't value my word. I want to protect them, to nurture them and to see them become all God created them to be. It broke my heart to see them acting in such opposition to the character of God. I wonder how much I would need to multiply that feeling to truly understand how the Lord feels when we rebel?He created us for a purpose. To be loved, nurtured, cared for, provided for and He wants to be loved back so badly. How many times have I broken His heart through my own rebellion? When I fail to trust Him and I act in ways that contradict His character? When He tells me in His Word how to be blessed and then I act like it is no big deal and do what feels right to me? I think it grieves Him greatly. I am sure He has wanted to shake me and give up. But He hasn't. He continues to love and to listen and to minister, while waiting for me to come to Him and repent. His kind compassionate love always takes me back and then, this is the greatest thing, He forgives me then forgets about it all and picks up right where I walked away and leads me forward again.

How when I have been forgiven so many times of so many things could I not forgive?
I think a lesson is to be learned and then taught to my boys.
Rebellion will always lead to death and destruction. But my God leads to life!

The thief comes only in order to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance (to the full, till it overflows).
John 10:10 (Amplified)

Who knew I had so much crap...

2011-04-07T11:44:00.001-04:00

I thought packing to move would be an easy thing accomplished in a few hours.....hahaha...guess the joke is on me. I did not know how much stuff we accumulated over the last 11 years of marriage.

I am not one that holds on to things and refuses to let them go and I knew that I had been purging unwanted/unused items along the way. But what I discovered when it came time to put it all into boxes surprised me. What has surprised me more is this gnawing feeling that I would rather give most of it away than box it up and store it in the garage 1200 miles away. Apparently my hubby has had the same brilliant thought too. He has decided that we should sell our obscenely humongous projection TV and the surrounding entertainment center. I know that this doesn't mean much to you guys but my hubby "needed" that TV before he would even discuss children. It has been THAT important. So I am going to sell it and put the profit toward a newer, much more space friendly model that hangs on the wall. I cannot tell you how excited I am to see the TV go. Yeehaw!!! Anyone want to buy it????

Another thing I have discovered about myself is that I am a book-aholic. I love books!!! And I have difficulty parting with them, even if I have read them 20 times. Actually the times read directly correlates with the value assessed. It is an obsession apparently. But I guess I could be collecting worse things. And I did manage to thin the numbers a bit while packing. I decided to take the approach that if I have owned it for 5 or more years and haven't read it, then I probably won't and should therefore give it to someone else.

On an entirely unrelated note, my youngest had his booster shots yesterday. RIP MY HEART OUT!!! Poor guy has a limp today from his sore thighs, where they stabbed him with 5, yes I said 5, needles. He was so brave but the crocodile tears streaming down his adorably handsome face was rough for me. Did I mention that I have the 2 most beautiful boys in the world???? I do, really. It is a proven fact. Trust me on this one. Oh, and my 3 nephews are right there with them. Such sweetness and handsomeness should be illegal. But so glad it is not because all 5 are PRECIOUS!!! You should see them.

For some reason I am feeling quite silly today. Silly and giddy. Makes me want to drive to California to where we had the best playground down the road from our house. The entire thing was made of concrete. It was great. You could take a piece of cardboard and slide down the enormous slide. And if you didn't have cardboard you shouldn't slide.......well, it's concrete...what do you think would happen to your jeans and skin without it??? So much fun!!!!! Wish I was 7 years old again.

http://youtu.be/iOoq1oAvpYE - a disclaimer- this is not me but it shows the concrete slide. awesome!!! Wish everyone could go to Cheese Park with me.
Have a Cheese Park kind of day today!!!!

The Countdown Has Begun

2011-03-28T14:46:00.000-04:00

So alot of things are packed, we have our house for sale, we have a place to live in Kansas, things are working out and the move is getting closer everyday.

This past week has been an exercise in patience and faith. My kiddos have been sick with Strep and ear infection (thank the Lord they are much better) and my hubbys truck needed a new clutch put in. So thankful that it decided to go out while he was just a few miles up the road instead of on the interstate while pulling a U-haul in the middle of nowhere. It is the small things that make me happy...haha. The Lord has provided a clutch and a sweet man to help my hubby install it. I am finding that I am at a loss of what to blog about because so much of what is consuming my time these days is only interesting to me.

I hope to have alot of wonderful news to share in the coming weeks.

Making bread and it is time to punch down, reknead and separate into loaves. Gotta go. Oh, thanks Tara M for the recipe! My family loves it.

Wanna Buy My House??

2011-03-22T18:06:00.005-04:00

Our house is up for sale. Interested???? Here is the link.

Moving

2011-03-17T22:58:00.000-04:00

Hubby and I had a nice trip last week. It was a tough trip but very productive. We met with 3 different farmers and drove around the farms and the towns. All 3 of them are Christian men and had very nice operations. But after visiting all 3 we felt a tremendous peace about 1 in particular. We have done alot of praying and talking and my hubby has accepted a position in Kansas. We are very excited!!! We have begun packing and our realtor is coming by in the morning to get everything started so we can sell our house. There is so much to do but the Lord is our strength and our joy and the peace I am experiencing right now confirms that this is the right thing for our family. Thank you to all who have been praying for us. I ask that you continue as we sell our home and make the move to Kansas. This is a tremendous opportunity for my sweet husband and our family. SO blessed!!!

Gonna go to bed. I am tired from all the decluttering, packing and cleaning from this week. I had no idea we had so much "stuff".

I Did It!

2011-03-06T12:22:00.000-05:00

I finally got up the nerve to make an appointment to cut my hair. My husband had even gotten tired of my whining about the mop on my head. And I had finally hit the point that a bad haircut was better than what I had going on. So I went yesterday and got it cut. I LOVE IT!!!! I feel 10 pounds lighter and much more attractive. I knew that I had started having headaches and I thought they might be related to my hair but I had no idea how heavy my hair had gotten until she cut it and thinned it alot! I don't have pics today but will post one soon. I still have alot of hair but half of it is gone now. Yippee!!

In other news, hubby and I are making another trip this week to meet with some farms out west. We have it narrowed down to 3 right now and are praying that the Lord will direct us and reveal His will and give us peace. Gonna be a long week of driving but should be a productive week. Praying and hoping that by this time next week hubby will have a new job and we will begin plans to relocate. Lots to do. But one bite at a time, right?

Our boys decided to NOT go on the trip with us. They had been all excited about the road trip until they realized that they would be spending 75% of the time in the car. Our oldest finally looked at me and said "I'm going to let you and dad go by yourselves, and when dad decides where his new job will be and you have a house picked out, THEN I will make that trip". Too hilarious! Growing into such a little man.

I have 2 new books to read on the trip hopefully. I began one. It is One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. I am in Chapter 3 and it is a phenomenal read. So much to think about and process. I highly recommend it to everyone!! The other book is Immanuels Veins by Ted Dekker. I know I will be useless as a person while I read that one so I trying to keep it on the shelf until I have time to truly read it. And may I say that Ted Dekker is one of my favorite writers. I realize he might not be for everyones taste and I get that. But if you are at all curious, please give him a chance. Oh, and Ann Voskamp reads like honey dripping with a fluidity that I haven't encountered in a long time. Try them out. You know.....if you have time....haha.

I had been feeling a little down lately at the prospects of moving away from the deep south and all of the trees and flowers that reside here. They are truly beautiful to behold. I was upset that I might not get to see spring before we moved. But unusual warm temps have triggered all the lovliness and I have been moved to tears as I have witnessed Japanese Magnolias, Dogwood trees, Bradford pears, Camelias, Azaleas, Laurel Pedulums (spelling?) and many more types of flowers blooming out. It has done my heart good to see it. It has also made me realize that I will have to plant many plants wherever we end up. Didn't realize I had gotten so attatched to the plant life here.

Seems like everyone around me isn't wanting to talk about the fact that we may be moving. I am finally feeling the need to talk about and process through it but most everyone else just looks at me, shrugs and changes the subject. Guess I will just have to talk to hubby...haha

A Jumble of Thoughts

2011-02-28T10:46:00.001-05:00

I feel like my brain is overloaded and can't really think straight.

I have entire aspects of my life that I have realized I have just closed the closet door on to revisit later.

I can only deal with so much at one time.

Will I be moving away from the home I have lived in for 10 years? Yes possibly.

Am I freaking out a bit by it? Yes, I am.

Am I excited about the future and what lies ahead? Absolutley!

Am I torn between what I know is God's will and how it will affect those around me? Yep.

Do I feel a peace in the midst of this chaos? I sure do.
Can I explain it? Not really..... I can just feel the arms of the Lord around me whispering that He sees the big picture and to lean into Him.

Please pray for this recovering control freak during this time. God is continuing to show Himself faithful and providing for us. But bottom line is that my hubby needs a job. We are praying about where the Lord wants us.

I went to a funeral on Saturday and heard something that has sunk deep into my spirit. The man died of brain cancer and went through sooooo much pain and dissapointment but those that knew him said over and over again that his only prayer during that time was " Please let the Lord be seen in my life". What a testimony! That is my prayer today. Whatever we face and wherever you send us, Lord I pray that you are seen in our lives. Use us for your glory! We love you Lord! Amen!

A Letter to my Younger Self

2011-02-21T11:20:00.001-05:00

The past few weeks have gotten me to thinking about some things I wish I had known earlier in my life, reflecting on decisions I have made and reassessing some mindsets and beliefs. So I thought I would write a letter to my younger self to explain it all. This is really just an exercise for myself, but feel free to read if you like or even write your own.

Dear You,

You think you know everything and have it all figured out. I can tell you that the longer you hold onto that assumption, the harder things will be. Here are some nuggets of wisdom from your slightly older, somewhat wiser, less arrogant self.

1. Don't spend so much time worrying over things you have absolutley NO control over. It will rob you of joy, time and a passion for life.

2. People will always have opinions, no matter what you do. You cannot please them all. You can spend your entire life people pleasing and still end up abused, rejected and cast aside. Focus on what God says about you. He is all that matters. In Him alone, will you find your true identity.

3. Use your time wisely, you only have so much. Be purposeful with your days. Don't let them slip by without making an impact on at least one thing or person, even if that one thing is yourself.

4. Don't agree to do something unless you fully intend on following it through. Refer to number 2. Many stresses can be avoided if you just think it through before saying "yes" or "no". Your word is very important! Do not break your word if you can avoid it, even if it inconveniences you. God did not make you to be a "flake".

5. Time alone with God is sooooo important!!! If you don't get this right, then everything else is going to be sooooo much harder.

6. Laugh more! Lighten up! Be silly! Dance! Sing! Run hard!

7. Don't wear masks. Not with your husband, your children, your family, your friends or your church. They only bring destruction to you. Trust enough in the Lord and the people around you to be yourself. Even if they don't understand you, they will have a greater appreciation for your authenticity than your "I am acting like I have it all together when I am crumbling inside" mask. A hint......the mask doesn't fool anyone anyway.

8. Don't drink so much caffeine or eat so much chocolate....you know it makes you edgy and irritable. Your family will thank you many times over for this.

9. Always be learning! Learn a new skill, master it. Don't just start and then cast it aside when it is no longer fun. Commit to something and see it through to completion.

10. Don't be prideful but don't hide your talents and gifts. Use them with a passion. God gave them to you for a purpose. Enjoy them!!

11. Be a friend. A good friend. Listen more than you speak. Be plugged in and interested. Be vulnerable and open allowing friendship to grow and bloom into something beautiful. Be the friend you always wanted.

12. Not everyone will be a lifelong friend. That is okay. Stop trying to force something. Be kind and available but don't stress if it ends. Some relationships are for seasons and others are for a lifetime. Learn to recognize the difference.

13. Love with everything in you! Receive the love God has for you so you can then love others. You can't give what you don't have. It is a wonderful thing to be loved on by your Heavenly Father. Enjoy it! Don't hide from Him, He is not a man that He should dissapoint and crush your heart. HE IS LOVE! Feel that!

14. Your husband is your best friend! Encourage him, lift him up, love him, RESPECT him, be available to him. Make your home a haven for your family. Be thankful that he has a drive to work and takes his position as the head of your home seriously. Pray for him so that he will become everything God created him to be. You see the potential. Encourage him to grow. Do not nag. It is counterproductive. Believe me, it does not work. Communicate with him. Don't talk negatively about him to others. Rather be a grown up and discuss issues with him face to face. Don't turn to others for validation and acceptance if you have not gone to your husband first. Do not say anything about him to others that you would not say if he were standing right beside you. Let him hear you build him up to others. He wants to be your hero. Let him.

15. Your children are always watching you.....and I mean always. Be a Godly example to them. Pray with them. Read Gods Word with them. Talk respectfully. Teach discipline, model kindness, compassion, love, joy, peace, patience. You are their greatest teacher. Never forget that. Pray for them continually. God has a purpose for their lives. And yours right now is praying for them and teaching them and preparing them for what lies ahead.

16. Turn a deaf ear to anyone that would make you feel like a "second rate" citizen because you are a stay at home mom. You are doing what the Lord has asked of you and His opinion is all that matters. You are doing a good job and He is pleased with you. Obedience to the Lord is so much important than the opinions of the world. They are looking through their own perspecives and life experiences. They may not understand your decision but you need not be defensive or feel like you have to explain yourself at all. Just rest in the assurance that you are being obedient.

17. Same thing goes for homeschooling. I know right now you cannot even imagine doing such a thing. But never say never. Just be pliable and willing to grow in the directions God says. You love to learn and love school. Maintain that passion and zeal. Allow your children to be different than you. Ask God to show you how to draw out their strengths. Be patient with their weaknesses. Always love! Be disciplined but flexible. Have fun! Plan ahead so you are prepared but be willing to roll with the punches.

18. You will be much more hospitable if you are diligent about keeping your home clean and tidy. You think you need all that "stuff" sitting around gathering dust but time will change your mind. Teach your children to take care of their home by modeling it for them. You want your family to love where they live and feel free to invite guests over without embarressment. Yes, it really is that big of a deal. It isn't that hard. just do it. Be a grown up already!

19. You will not like this one and I am not even a fan of it at this point in my life either. Excercise!!! You feel better, you are more disciplined in all areas when this is in place. Plus it is taking care of your body. You want to be around for your family for a long time?? Then you have to do this. They deserve your best. You can't neglect this area. Keep trying new things until you find something you love to do. And until then, keep doing something to be healthy. Do you not discern and understand that you are God's temple (His sanctuary), and that the God's Spirit has His permanent dwelling in you, collectively as a church and also individually? I Corinthians 3:16

20. Lastly for today, be yourself. Don't hide who God created you to be. Always be growing and maturing but feel free to be you. There will be areas of your life that God may overhaul and that is alright. Go with it. Surrender. He knows how He created you. He is not surprised by your quirks. He actually smiles when He thinks of you. Have faith that He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it. Believe that He has good things in store for you. He does. Do not give up. Keep pressing on. Love the Lord with all your heart, mind and spirit and recieve His love for you! Everyday be thankful and grateful and walk through each day aware of the blessings in your life. Focus on the positive! Cast fear aside and walk in the strength of the Lord. If God be for us, who can be against us?

Love, ME

Patience? Really?

2011-02-17T15:57:00.000-05:00

Hubby and I just got back from a whilrlwind trip to a job interview 1,300 miles away. I will not bore you with details but I saw nasty weather that freaked me out, and felt cold that made me go numb. Can you say -20 degrees with a wind chill waaayyy lower? Yikes! It is safe to say that we will NOT be moving to Kansas right now. The job was a no-go. God closed the door and I am somewhat relieved. Don't get me wrong, I want my hubby to find a job and be successful but we didn't have peace about that one. God has something else up His sleeve apparently. We are continuing to pray, seek and listen for His leading. A HUGE bonus from all of this is that I have gotten to spend time with my hubby and we got a mini-vacation out of it. So nice to spend time with each other without the kiddos. Soooo hard to leave them at first but it ended up being a blessing.

So I am trying to get back into a routine around here. Hasn't been as easy as I would like. I think I was already packing and preparing to move and now I am having to shift my focus a bit. And patience is being exercised daily. I has to be because it does not come naturally to me at all.

The boys are doing great! The homeschooling has been awesome. We have days that are challenging and even frustrating but the beauty of it is that we can tweak our plans or completely throw them out the window and try somthing else. Yesterday I woke up in a funk and my oldest asked me why I was so upset. Knowing that he did not deserve to have me and my negativity in his face that early, we went to the park and library and postponed school until the afternoon. It was a wonderful day!!!! He was actually more focused and intent to his studies as well. So I think we may mix it up more often. We have also done his schoolwork on the screen porch a good bit this week since it has been phenomenal weather. So thankful for that.

This weather makes me want to go outside as soon as I get up and not come inside until we need to go to bed. I might try that tomorrow.

Ooooo, that smell......

2011-02-03T23:10:00.000-05:00

My nose is being offended greatly by the kitchen trash can right now. I think it might actually be affecting my brain functions. I could get up and take it out but it is raining outside and I am in my PJ's, so.....yeah I'm not gonna do that.

A few months ago we "temporarily" set up our computer in the living room on top of a vintage sewing machine in front of a bookcase. It was only supposed to sit there until we tested everything and found it a new home elsewhere in the house AWAY from the trash can. But I haven't done that yet. I will add it to my ever growing "to-do list".

Hubby & I have a very promising lead on a job. It would require relocating 1,000 miles away and leaving our home here. I am processing that right now. Every day brings a new emotion and flood of thoughts. On one hand I am so excited and looking to the future of what God has in store. On the other hand I am feeling nervous and sad at the thought of leaving here. Plus moving would present a really long list of "to-do's". So I am pushing through and just seeking the Lord for His strength, wisdom and joy.

On a completely unrelated topic. Has anyone else seen the show "Wipeout"? I love that show. And I would love to be on it. An absurd obstacle course for adults? Sign me up!!! Anyone want to join me?

"You talking to me?"

2011-02-01T14:15:00.001-05:00

I don't know why but that movie quote just flashed through my mind. The past few days I have noticed a gorgeous cardinal bird perched on my car. The boys and I have been watching the bird for many weeks since it lives in the trees behind their rooms. But Saturday it got an attitude and shifted its focus from worms and nuts and bugs to himself. He has been flittering between the side window and the brush guard of hubbys truck. From these two vantage points he can see himself in a mirror or the chrome bumper. I am pretty sure that he doesn't know that he is looking at his reflection. But it has been hilarious to watch this beautiful bird try to beat up his opponent. He perches, taunts and then attacks his reflection. Occassionally he flies up and looks behind the mirror but then goes right back to the insanity of trying to eradicate something that cannot be beat. I have been amused and also felt a little sad for the bird. That is until I was walking past and he proceeded to do a fly by a little tooo close to my eyes. I would like to keep those, thank you very much.

But the bird got me thinking about how often we spend our time and energy fighting the person we see in the mirror. Sometimes when we notice circumstances in our lives we just start blindly throwing punches without realizing that it may have been our own choices that put us in that situation. We want someone to blame, a quick fix and the satisfaction of knowing that we are innocent and that we are just truly victims of other peoples choices and randomness. Sometimes that is true but sometimes it is not.

The Word of God says in James 1:23-27

For if anyone only listens to the Word without obeying it and being a doer of it, he is like a man who looks carefully at his [own] natural face in a mirror; For he thoughtfully observes himself, and then goes off and promptly forgets what he was like. But he who looks carefully into the faultless law, the [law] of liberty, and is faithful to it and perseveres in looking into it, being not a heedless listener who forgets but an active doer [who obeys], he shall be blessed in his doing (his life of obedience). If anyone thinks himself to be religious (piously observant of the external duties of his faith) and does not bridle his tongue but deludes his own heart, this person's religious service is worthless (futile, barren). External religious worship [religion as it is expressed in outward acts] that is pure and unblemished in the sight of GOd the Father is this: to visit and help and care for the orphans and widows in their affliction and need, and to keep oneself unspotted and uncontaminated from the world. (Amplified)

So often we fight the man in the mirror because we do not recognize him. Why don't we recognize him? Is it possible that who we think we are and who the Lord knows we are might look different? Perhaps I am looking at my reflection through my eyes of piety and pride, measuring myself on a religious yardstick. I see what I do and who I want to be. God sees me as I am, warts and all, He loves me unconditionally and He sees the woman He created me to be. How do I become the person God sees? Obedience. When I am obedient and seek God above all else, my perspective will begin to shift and He will open my eyes to see things differently. I will begin to see the areas of my life that have not been surrendered. I will learn to trust, I will learn to lean, I will learn to let go. I will begin to love the Lord in a new and wonderful way. I will begin to walk in love with others. And I will begin to see a new reflection in the mirror. And I will not forget what that woman looks like. I will stop fighting the woman in the mirror because I will not be deceived and blinded by pride, fear, doubt and pain. God sent His Son, Jesus to Christ to bring freedom, not to enslave. My obedience should flow from love for my Father, not out of a religous obligation or spiritual checklist.

I am tired of fighting a fight that I cannot win against an opponent that I cannot see. I am ready to trust and lean into the One who already fought the fight and won. And because of Him, I can walk in victory. I think it is time to change my anthem and song. How often have I looked foolish like that silly cardinal fighting myself when I could be the beautiful creation He created and fly high, leading others to the Lord I know and the freedom He brings?

So thrilled that the Lord takes ordinary, daily events to teach me a lesson. He loves you that much too. Just don't ignore them.

Wanna see into my house?

2011-01-26T12:14:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I know this might be a little too silly for you more refined folks but I love this movie!!! My hubby and I fell in love while watching this movie almost 17 years ago so it holds a special place in my heart. Today I feel like the hitchiker that gets bamboozled by the idiots driving a sheepdog, even down to the scene where he is about to pull his gun. Pay special attention to the slapping past him and the most annoying sound in the world.....yep, that is my house today. Just watching that made my day brighter and better. Is that sad?

A Vent Session

2011-01-24T13:59:00.001-05:00

Today I will be listing some things that are annoying me and I need to get off my chest.

1. Walmart....why oh why did you decide to make your grocery bags even thinner and more useless?? They are officially good for NOTHING! I don't think you are saving money if your cashiers are having to double bag for cereal boxes. And that is if you happen to get in line with a cashier that actually cares. Most of them will put 15 pounds of canned goods in one bag and then tell you that if you want, you can double bag it yourself. Ugh!!

2. I had forgotten how much I really do not enjoy dirty diapers. I still do not like them. And my boys and the little man I watch have radar when it comes to me sitting down to eat. I either have to run and help my littlest man in the potty or change a stinky diaper. I have even attempted to switch up when I eat. It has not mattered at all. The radar goes off and I have poop to deal with. Yuck!!

3. Laundry is a chore that I don't really mind doing. But I have noticed a new phenomenon. There are 4 people in my house and somehow I end up with more loads than that a day. How???? I try to do laundry every day and keep it all done but it is getting harder and harder. Maybe it is the fact that the boys clothes are getting bigger in proportions to their growing bodies.

4. Patience is not an area of life that I seem to have mastered. I am constantly being given opportunities to grow in that area, daily, hourly and sometimes by the minute.

5. I am upset at our Electric Company today. I feel like they are trying to bully me and while I am usually confident in most things to fight back, this is something I am pretty much ignorant about. I need help!

6. I am feeling compelled to clean out my house. It is becoming a driving need. Perhaps it is spring cleaning a few months early. However all the responsibilies I have right now are frustrating that plan. I want to move everything in my house but it just isn't going to happen this week.

7. I need a haircut!! My hair is starting to resemble a hippie that stuck a finger in an elctrical socket. But I am not sure about trusting my hair to just anybody. The last haircut I got lasted several hours and they only did the front half of my hair. The back is still damaged and full of split ends. I told them what I wanted and they completely ignored my requests. I have ALOT of hair. It is very thick and heavy and not just anybody can cut it. I guess the problem is that I haven't found ANYONE that can. At least not to my satisfaction. So in the meantime I am walking around with a haircut that makes me look older and not feel as attractive as I would like. I guess I need to get brave and give someone a chance.

8. I am a huge fan of the Shark Steam Mop. I received my 2nd one for Christmas. I love it!!! It makes my least favorite household chore at least tolerable. They have new mopheads that fit into tighter spaces, especially in the bathroom. Then I saw on their new infomercial (hey don't judge) that they combined their vacuum and their mop into one machine. Say what???? Always something else. I am determined to enjoy my new mop, even if it doesn't vacuum up dirt.

9. Whining is quite possibly the most annoying sound in the world. You know what I am talking about, right???

10. I will end on a positive note. It is beautiful outside today! So my little whiners have been banished to the yard while I tackle the mountain of laundry, while pushing my hair out of my face and have a date with my steam mop, while occasionally stopping to change a diaper or wipe a hiney. Then I will have to find a non-Walmart bag to put the diaper in. I will refrain from calling the Electric company to vent my frustrations and try to come up with a solution. Anyone know a free Electrician?

I Was A Witness

2011-01-24T00:27:00.001-05:00

Today I went to a wedding that in many ways was different than any other I had attended. The bride wore pink. It was thrown together in just a few weeks. The couple had their 3 sons standing up on stage with them. They both come from a different type of life than I have lived. But while I was sitting in that chair and watching a miracle unfold the Lord showed me that He is the Redeemer of all things.

I met this young lady over a year ago when she started attending our church with her grandmother. She brought her 3 sons and they are quite active, if you get my drift. Some Sundays as I taught their classes I thought I might just lose my mind. They tested my comfort zone and my standards of acceptable behavior. But without fail, their mom would bring them and over the past year I have seen the Lord work in a mighty way in these precious little boys.

Almost a year ago, while I was teaching these little boys about God and telling them about how much He loved them, their mother surrendered her life to the Lord in service. My hubby had tears in his eyes as he told me about it on the way home from church. What wonderful news!!!!

Over the past year, I have watched this young woman faithfully attend and bring her children, and then she was bringing her brother and sister in law, and friends. What God had done in her life was affecting those around her. So awesome!!!!

However, she had a sadness since she was coming alone, without her boyfriend and father of her children. She has stayed faithful and in faith, trusting that the Lord would do what He promised.

The first Sunday of January we had a guest speaker at church. Phenomenal message by the way!!! At the end of the sermon, this man walked up to this young woman and began to prophecy. He said to keep holding on and to keep trusting, that God was working, even if she couldn't see it.

The next Sunday her boyfriend came to church with her and received Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior. Awesome again!!! Hallelujah!!!

The next Sunday there was a wedding anouncement posted in the foyer and they were inviting everyone to their wedding. What a sweet celebration!

So I sat in my seat and watched this new man in Christ see his friend and love of his life in a brand new light. He began crying when he saw her walking down the aisle. But the part that touched my heart most was that they both cried when Pastor began talking about the Lord and how He saw them. They might as well have been shining and glistening as they smiled at each other and cried.

I witnessed a miracle of God today. He has redeemed their lives just like He redeemed mine. He has made them one with each other in a way they didn't even know existed before they met God. And more importantly they are now one with Christ.

I went today to show support and to celebrate a new marriage but got my socks blessed off. God is so good. His Word does not return void. It will reap a harvest. And I feel so blessed to have been able to be a part of the miracle today.

I am so proud of them both and look forward to seeing what great things will come for Juan & Angela. Please praise the Lord with me and pray for them as well as they walk a new road together.

A New Thing

2011-01-11T15:25:00.000-05:00

I have already posted about some of the new things that are going on with me...pedicures, homeschooling, babysitting, etc. But the latest developement is in the area of my husbands job and where his next one will be. We have been looking at positions from here to Nebraska and have been offered a few. Right now we are seeking the Lord and asking Him where He wants us to go. And if in fact he wants us to move somewhere else. We are open to whatever the Lord has planned but a serious discussion with hubby last night got my anxieties and insecurities ruffled. I know that the Lord has a plan and a purpose for our family. And this past week He has been speaking to me about the fact that whatever that plan is will not just affect me, hubby and our sons but many more around us. He will not send us somewhere that He does not have a greater purpose than just providing us with a different home and an increase in pay. This is really all about allowing God to work in us and through us to minister for Him. Wherever we end up I know that it will stretch us out of our comfort zones and put us into a position of leaning completely on Him (something that is already going on). I want to be a part of what He is doing and I am excited about what is to come.

I promise I will try to post a fun post soon. This is just what is going on with us at the moment.

Pretty Toes

2011-01-08T15:26:00.000-05:00

Alright, I guess you could say that I have been swayed to the girly side of things. I have blogged on here before about the fact that I have never had a pedicure and never fully understood why someone would in fact go pay money to get one. Well, let me just say that I understand now!!! My friend gave me a pedicure and lunch out for Christmas and at first I was unsure about the whole thing. But after thinking about it some more, I decided to throw caution to the wind and to surrender my feet to a sweet little lady with magic hands. It was a lovely, relaxing and totally frivolous thing to do. I loved it!!! So, in all fairness, I must aplogize to all of you who knew about this wonderful world and endured my ridicule and teasing. Can I join your club now? My feet feel so soft and my toes are beautiful!! And yes, I would go again very soon. In fact I might even start a savings envelope that says "Pretty Toes".

I am trying all kinds of new things these days. Who knew? And I am mentally tracking back to all of the other things I said I would "never do". I am beginning to think that God is wanting to teach me some things about my mouth......

Out The Gate Strong

2011-01-05T14:26:00.002-05:00

Today was the my first day as a "homeschool mom". We have always tried to create an atmosphere in our home that inspired learning. We LOVE to read and learn new things. And while I am not the most creative individual in the world, I can appreciate and implement the ideas of others. But this morning we had school at home. Now if this is not something you would like to read about, please feel free to skip the next few paragraphs. It won't bother me.

The morning went smoothly and it just felt "right". But more importantly than any feelings I had was the peace I had. I can tell that being one on one in a learning environment is going to stretch me a bit. I am in my element in front of a group of kids or adults. I don't get nervous usually. But one on one and I start freaking a little. Thankfully, my sweetie pie was understanding and "redirected" me when I started to stray....haha He has had just enough school to have developed routines and schedules and to appreciate order and organization. For that I am thankful. We tend to have fallen into more of a routine around here so that is good. My youngest son was well behaved all morning and even came in a few times curious and wanting to participate. That was my plan....make him curious and want to include himself. It will go alot smoother if he thinks it is his idea. Plus he just turned 4 so I am not stressing about him yet. He has already learned so much from his brother.

The weather didn't exactly cooperate for our first day of school and recess. It has been raining all day. But my star student decided that it would be a good time to have recess indoors and play with play doh. So we did.

God is good and is working in ways we can see and even more ways that we can't. I look forward to what He has in store. My husband is looking for a job. The time has come for him to leave where he has been for the past few years. God is providing and taking care of us. He always does. We are seeking and trusting in the Lord and what He wants to do in us, through us and for us. We have feelers out all over the country and have had some interest expressed. Please pray that God will reveal His next steps for us and that we will be obedient and strong in faith as we step out.

We have started having devotions as a family every morning and I cannot even begin to tell you how God is speaking to us. The confirmations He is leading us to in His Word are awe-inspiring. We are at a point that all we can lean on is our Heavenly Father and it feels surprisingly liberating. It is amazing how our perspectives and attitudes can change when we realize that we don't control anything really. We just have illusions of control. We have fear, pride and arrogance when we try to do it all ourselves. How freeing to trust in Him, do what He asks, and leave the results up to God. God has promised to take care of us and to work things for our good and I am standing on those promises.

Thanking the Lord for another day with my family. Thanking Him for His provision, His grace, His mercy, His compassion, His joy, His strength, His Word and His Presence. Without them I would be void of hope. And today I have hope and faith that I have not even begun to see what He has planned for me and my family. 2011 is going to be a year of new.

Isaiah 43:18-19Do not [earnestly] remember the former things; neither consider the things of old. Behold I am doing a new thing! Now it springs forth; do you not perceive it and know it and will you not give heed to it? I will even make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert

Changes

2010-12-27T23:59:00.003-05:00

My oh my at the changes around my house. I am feeling excited, overwhelmed, nervous, excited, tired, excited. I know that we are experiencing the puzzle pieces of Gods plan for our family. Right now we are having to navigate without seeing the whole picture but at least we are being led by the One who has orchestrated it all along.

I have been hesitant to blog about it all because I have been struggling with insecurity, doubt and just plain panic at times. But as I am seeing things through different eyes I am gaining clarity and perspective. I may not understand it all but I have peace and that is an important thing, probably the most important. I know that we are walking in Gods will and that gives me reassurance and peace.

Have I been cryptic enough for you? haha

A couple of months ago I began watching the son of my high school best friend. We had lost touch for many years but God brought us back together and orchestrated for her son to be a HUGE blessing to our family. I wasn't looking to watch any children but when God quickened my heart and spirit, I knew that it was right. He is a sweetie that brightens our days. His momma is such a wonderful woman and I am blessed to have such a great friend back in my life. My two boys have "adopted" him and call him brother. And they are so sad when he is not at our house. I didn't know anything was missing at our house until he showed up. My hubby has fallen in love with the little guy too. And for those of you know him, that is a big deal! God is good!!

God has been speaking to hubby and I for over a year about homeschooling our boys. Lets just say that for many months I have been walking around with my fingers in my ears in regards to that matter. I didn't want to do it, I didn't understand why anyone would want to, and I just flat out said "no, I think I know what is best for our family". Well, God let me do it my way and has been faithful to provide, protect and minsiter in spite of my disobedience but I have felt an inner turmoil and unrest. I did not like that feeling so I began asking God about it. In His gentle way, He told me that I have been disobedient and that I will never have peace while in rebellion. It is just that simple. So hubby and I began to pray, seek and research everything we could get our hands on about homeschooling. And a funny thing happened. It all began to make sense and to come together in my heart. Then it began to make sense to my mind. And after a while I decided to surrender.

I cannot tell you how at peace I am regarding this decision. Our son is so excited! He loves learning and is already giving me instructions on what he would like to learn about in addition to reading, writing and arithmetic. He has mentioned planes and trains. I wasn't surprised at these. Then he says "Mom, I want to learn about being healthy; what kind of food to eat, how to exercise and healthy things. And I want to learn about manners and stuff". I almost fell out! Guess I need to step up my game.

So we start next week. It will be an adjustment and a challenge I am sure. But anything worth doing is worth the time, effort and work associated with it. And believe me when I say that our two precious, sweet, curious, impressionable boys are TOTALLY worth it.

My sister in law posted a blog about "I Can Do This" and suggested that other bloggers share their "I Can Do This" stories. So this is mine.
Am I nervous? Yes. But do I know God is faithful? Do I know that He has gifted me with exactly what I need to do what He has called me to? Yes, and where I am lacking, I know He is the strength, wisdom, joy, peace and patience that I need.

Any prayers for me and the family are appreciated!There is other "stuff" going on too right now but that will be a later post when it becomes a testimony.

By the way, she said she would share this button. But since I am not that bright when it comes to computers I had to save it as a pic. So feel free to snag it if you like and write your own I Can Do This blog. Oh, and her blog is
www.fearfully-wonderfully.com
Yeah, I haven't figured out how to do that linky thing either. But you can click on the blog title in my blog list on the left. Oh well, one thing at a time. Gotta focus on phonics right now and it has been a very looooong time. :)

A Reminder

2010-11-30T10:27:00.003-05:00

Spiritually is not a formula; it is not a test. It is a relationship. Spiritually is not about competency; it is about intimacy. Spiritually is not about perfection; it is about connection.

The way of spiritual life begins where we are now in the mess of our lives. Accepting the reality of our broken, flawed lives is the beginning of spiritually not because the spiritual life will remove our flaws, but because we let go of seeking perfection and instead seek God the One who is present in the tangleness of our lives.

-Mike Yaconelli

You will trust God only as much as you love him. And you will love him not because you have studied him; you will love him because you have touched him—in response to his touch…Only if you love will you make that final leap into darkness. “Father, into your hands I commend my spirit.” –Brennan Manning in Lion and Lamb

At the very root of all Christian life lies the thought that God is to do all – that our work is to give and leave ourselves in His hands, in the confession of utter helplessness and dependence, in the assured confidence that He gives all we need.

The great lack of the Christian life is that, even where we trust Christ, we leave God out of the count. Christ came to bring us to God. Christ lived the life of a man exactly as we have to live it. Christ the Vine points to God the Husbandman. As He trusted God, let us trust God, that everything we ought to be and have, as those who belong to the Vine, will be given us from above. (Andrew Murray, The Secret of God’s Love)

( I saw this on another blog and it was profound to me)

A Thankful Heart

2010-11-24T10:59:00.001-05:00

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and many, many people will be taking time to really reflect on their lives and blessings. When I look around I see so many wonderful blessings, even some that get overlooked in the living of daily life. So today I feel like reminding myself of all of them.

I am blessed to have a Saviour that has made the ultimate sacrifice to give me new life and encourages my daily to live the life that He designed especially for me. I am so thankful that my assignment on this earth is to please Him and Him alone. Everything else can fade to the background and because I know God is faithful and has plans and purposes for me that are for my good and the good of my family, I can rest assured that when I am obedient and live a life pleasing to the Lord that it will also be in the best interest of my husband and children too. I can leave the results up to God. I am so thankful that He has it all under control.

I am so blessed to have a husband that loves the Lord and seeks to know His will. He works so hard to take care of me and the boys and has supported me in so many ways. His hard work and sacrifice have enabled me to stay home with our sweet boys. He may not understand me sometimes and we may be complete opposites but I have found that the longer we are together that we make a wonderful team that balance each others strengths and weaknesses. I am learning more about him daily and I look forward to another 50 years of growing together and seeing what God will make of our life together.

I am overcome with gratitude when I think of our two sons. They are such welcome surprises everyday that they wake me up with a smile on their faces and a twinkle in their eyes. They love to talk about Jesus and how much He loves them and how they love Him in return. My heart melts when I hear them praying to the Lord about the smallest, simplest things. I know it delights the Fathers' heart as well. I pray that they always maintain the open, transparency that they now possess when it comes to communicating with God. I learn something new from them everyday. They are so unique with special giftings and talents that I know the Lord will cultivate and use for His glory. I am honored to be their mother and to see the miracle of their lives.

I have an awesome extended family and am priviledged to have such a wonderful support system. I was raised in a house that honored the Lord and trained me up in His ways. I am so thankful for the jumpstart that gave me in life. My family are gifted in so many ways and I know God is maturing us and refining us to be used as a team for His kingdom. I can't see the end result right now but I am excited and hopeful about what is to come.

Hubby & I found a wonderful church almost 2 years ago. We feel so blessed to be surrounded by such a wonderful church body. We have grown in the Lord and have seen tremendous growth. We feel so blessed to have a place to serve and to see how God is working in the lives of so many.

I could go on and on but I think I will try to post again tomorrow. Right now I need to enjoy my day with the little blessings running in and out the back door.

Be blessed and Happy Thanksgiving!!

Say What?

2010-11-18T16:32:00.001-05:00

I am not usually a listener of rap but I came across this today. Thought I would share. I really loved what she had to say.

Becoming The Woman I Want To Be

2010-11-13T16:23:00.000-05:00

I was reading through my list of blogs that I love and I looked over at my bookshelf and a title caught my eye. It is "Becoming The Woman I Want To Be" by Donna Partow. It is a devotional book that I purchased over 6 years ago. I have started it 3 times and have never finished it. Let me just insert here that I have follow through issues. Unless it involves a novel, then I am riveted and am useless to society and my family until I finish it. Anyway, the book got me to thinking about the woman I want to be. Actually I was just talking to my hubby last night about it. I was rattling off this list of attributes and characteristics that I hope are remembered by my children when they are grown. And to be honest, some of them are areas is which I need tremendous growth. My hubby looked at me and said, "That is up to you, the choices you make every day will affect who you are." I know that on a head level but is it really something that I am concious of on a daily basis? How can I teach my sons that discipline is important if I procrastinate and they see me procrastinate? They will do what I do, not what I say, right?

Another look at my bookshelf brought another wave of conviction upon me. I have books on just about any topic you would ever need to read about. Most are written by Christian authors and I have enjoyed reading most of them. I have mentioned a couple hundred times on this blog that I am a reader. But how many times have I picked up a book to get an answer I need when all I have to do is pick up the Word of God? I have substituted my devotional time with "reading time". NOT COOL!

While I am putting it all out there.....God has been dealing with me about my mouth and what I allow to come out of it. Somedays I do alright, but then there are days when I am peeved, frustrated and aggrivated and I find myself picking up my phone and calling someone to vent my feelings. Even as I type that it seems to silly to think that another imperfect person will be able to handle my problem for me. But that has been a pattern of behavior that I am trying to break. So, a few days ago I was having a day and I picked up my phone, God spoke to me and said "Hello, I am right here." I ignored Him and dialed the phone. Guess what? I went through 4 or 5 people and no one would answer. Then the Lord spoke again "Hey, I am right here. Talk to me. I am the only one that can really help and have your best interest at heart". So I did. I vented my frustration and feelings. And it felt great. He listened and comforted me and then reminded me about what His Word says about the situtation. My boys were in the backseat during all of this. I thought I was talking softly enough to not bother them but my oldest asked me why I was talking to God. I told him that I was aggrivated and needed to tell God about it. He smiled and said "Can I do that too?" Then he proceeded to tell God about what was bugging him that day. What a lesson God was teaching me in that moment. My boys WILL do what they see me do, hear me say, how I react, how I treat others and how I approach my Heavenly Father. What a huge responsibility.
But God has promised to be with me on this journey as I lean into Him.

Looks like I have alot to reprogram in my life but I am so thankful that God continues to speak and show up in my life. He is so great!!!

Pressing On

2010-11-09T10:31:00.000-05:00

Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do; Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead.” Phillipians 3:12-13

Upside Down and Inside Out

2010-11-04T15:59:00.000-04:00

That is what I feel like the God is doing right now in my life. He is stretching beyond myself and what I think is comfortable and acceptable. He is asking me to do things and to let go in ways that are new. I feel like a cliffhanger with a couple of fingers let on the ledge and bit by bit they are slipping and I can't help it. I know that if I would just let go, God will be there to catch me and to carry me to the place of purpose, fulfillment and grace that He has already prepared. I feel layers peeling away and bricks from "my wall" crumbling down and instead of feeling anxious and stressed I have finally hit to point of expectation and excitement knowing that God has something planned that is beyond our wildest dreams. God is teaching me so much and I hope to be able to put into some coherent form to be able to share it with you soon. But the point I want to get across today is that "when I can't, He can. When I don't know, He does. When I can't see how, He does. Mediocrity is NOT what my Savior has called me to, but rather a life of excellence, grace and passion. He will lead the way if I will just follow."

My Lord is Jesus Christ, the Son of God

2010-10-29T08:43:00.001-04:00

I got a comment on my last post saying that Allah was the Lord and that Jesus was just a messenger sent by him. I wanted to apologize to anyone that might have seen it. I have since deleted it because it is completely opposed to my beliefs. And since it is my blog, I can do whatever I want. Some might say that I am not being "tolerant" but I do not care. The truth of the gospel is not tolerant and it may offend people but Jesus never apologized for the message of a fallen man in need of salvation so I am not going to either. Jesus Christ has saved me from an eternity of separation from Gods' presence and I am so thankful. He continues to show His love to me and has commissioned all believers to share the good news of salvation through the sacrifice of Jesus Christ. Jesus is everything to me and I will proclaim his goodness boldly and without apology. If it offends you, please feel free to find another blog to read. But I pray that you might take the time to search out the God I serve and come to know Him as your Lord and Savior. He is a loving, gracious and compassionate God that has created all things and longs to have His children call upon His Name.....the mighty name of Jesus Christ.

Update

2010-10-27T16:42:00.004-04:00

My grandfather is in the hospital right now recovering from open heart surgery. The surgery was a huge success and he is doing phenomenal. Today he is up and walking around. His surgery was Monday. It boggles my mind that it is possible to open up a body, stop a heart, hook up a bypass machine, operate and correct clogged arteries, reattatch them to the heart, restart the heart, close up everything, wake the person up and they can walk around 2 days later. The human body is a marvelous thing. But the creator of that body is truly the ultimate in magnificence and marvelous. He was with my Papa and continues to heal his body and I am so thankful and grateful.

A few things happened while we (my family) was over there to support my Papa and Nana. Some of them made me step back and count my blessings, especially when it comes to my children. They are healthy, physically, mentally, developementally. They are growing the way they are supposed to. They are blessings!! Some days when I am overwhelmed and frustrated I am not mindful of the obvious and I forget to be thankful. I was reminded. Thank you Lord!

I also realized that there is only one person on which I can rely totally on for all my needs. His name happens to be Jesus and He wants to be my everything. Anytime I try to rely on someone else or somthing else to meet a need in me it is doomed to failure and destined to leave me feeling like I have been run over by a Mack truck. When will I learn? Hope it is soon. So glad the Lord doesn't give up on this stubborn woman.

I was without my two sweet little boys while I was out of town. I missed them sooooooo much. I missed their banter, their humor and their ability to make me smile and laugh no matter what. I am truly blessed!!!!

You know what? I am also blessed with a tremendous sister that happens to be a wonderful mother and my bestest friend in all da wurld.(smiles, Mal) Her sweet little boys were such breath of fresh air the past few days. Nothing like the smell of a newborn, is there? And my brother. What an awesome man of god. I am honored to have such a man in my life. His wife is an inspiration and such a sweet woman. And their little boy make me want to keep my lips attatched to his cheek forever. What a cutie!! He even showed me how to watch youtube videos on the phone. He is not quite 2 and I am 31. I think I am lacking in technology training.
And I am blessed to have the best momma in the entire universe. Sorry to all of you out there that think your mom is. But my mom is the best. Her strength, humility, reliance on the Lord and determination to do things Gods way is a constant challenge to me to let God do things His way and to die to myself. She has gone through so much but she continues to stand in the strength of the Lord and I am anxious to see what tremendous blessings that God has in store for her. Thanks mom!! I love you!

Blessings come in many ways. And I am determined today to think on these things.
I AM BLESSED!!!

Grow up!

2010-10-22T13:11:00.003-04:00

I Corinthians 13:11-12 (Amplified)

When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; now that I have become a man (woman), I am done with childish ways and have put them aside.
For now we are looking in a mirror that gives only a dim (blurred) reflection [of reality as in a riddle or enigma], but then [when perfection comes] we shall see reality and face to face! Now I know in part (imperfectly), but then I shall know and understand fully and clearly, even in the same manner as I have been fully and clearly known and understood [by God].

God has been dealing with me about growing up in all areas of my life. He gave me this scripture and it has been a constant reminder that I don't know what He knows. And my rebellion and disobedience aren't going to get me closer to being the person that I know I want to be. Being a grown up requires discipline and work. It is time to step up and quit making excuses for where I am in my life. Nothing is going to change unless I make different choices, speak different words, think different thoughts, and do things different. Do I have the guts and determination to do it? I pray for His strength and grace.

Funk Buster

2010-10-18T17:08:00.002-04:00

Today I woke up in a funk. I drug around the house feeling overwhelmed and aggrivated. I called my hubby to vent and he was so kind, compassionate and loving. He encouraged me so much. But the thing that helped the most was when he said "when you get home, I want you to spend some time with the Lord, go outside, sit under the tree, tell the boys to play, tell them you need some God time, they can handle it". It was a timely reminder that I cannot be the wife, mom, sister and woman that God wants me to be if I am not taking the time to make sure I am built up in the Lord. Hearing my husband audibly give permission to put aside the things that consume me was like a breath of fresh air. So I did. I came home, fed the boys and we went outside. They played and I spent some intentional time with my Heavenly Father. And just like every other time, He showed up. He spoke to me through His Word and encouraged me. He led me to scriptures that I can say to speak to my situation and to build my faith. My God never dissapoints. It is only when I get mired down in myself that I forget that wonderfual attribute.

Please make the time to build yourself up in the Lord.

Here is a song that the Lord has been using to encourage me. Hope it ministers to you as well.

You Talking To Me?

2010-10-16T16:27:00.002-04:00

I have realized that as I read books, blogs, e-mails, listen to sermons, do Bible studies that there usually comes a point and time that I begin to feel "uncomfortable". We all know that feeling. The feeling inside that screams "how could they say that?" or "who are they to say that?" or "Hmm..I wonder what is up their butt?" or even "that is so off base" and I begin to take things personally. I try to figure out what they were "really" trying to say. But the more I think and pray about it I have realized that most of the time that I begin to get that gnawing feeling is because what they said hit a little too close to home. It made me think about things I would rather forget and not deal with. And it is because I am feeling that way that I need to dig my heels in and face whatever the Lord is trying to tell me. He is truth, He is grace, He is mercy and because He is who He is, it will make my flesh uncomfortable. My flesh might even want to revolt and cast blame on those that are sharing the truth of God's Word. But true and lasting change is only possible through Jesus Christ and the power of the Holy Spirit. So it is time that I let myself be uncomfortable and sit at the feet of Jesus and get to know Him for all He is. And to be thankful for all the people who love the Lord enough to speak truth, even if it isn't popular and makes us "church folk" uncomfortable.

It's Not Gonna Hurt, Is It?

2010-10-14T16:35:00.002-04:00

Today was "go get our flu shots" day. I had been preparing the boys that we would be going to get them and trying to reassure them that they were brave and that it wouldn't hurt too bad. However based on their previous experience, they were reluctant to believe me. We even called other people who had already gotten their shots and they were told that it didn't hurt. So they were getting braver bit by bit.

I could tell that my oldest was worrying when I picked him up from school. So we talked about it again. He asked questions and I answered the best I could with the knowledge that I had. We grabbed lunch (at a drive-thru....that is a HUGE treat for us) and then went to see their daddy. Then we were off to the doctors office for what I thought was going to be a no nonsense, quick trip for shots. Yeah right!

We signed in and then sat and sat and waited and waited and waited to be seen. Now I am used to waiting at the doctors office and it wouldn't have been a big deal EXCEPT I called them last week and again yesterday to make sure we didn't need to make an appointment. They said "no it is done outpatient, in and out". So that is what I told the boys. So after waiting for over an hour my boys were getting more and more nervous. Once we got into the room, the nurse then proceeded to draw up the shot IN FRONT OF MY CHILDREN. Not sure if it is her first week working with kids or what but I have never had a nurse even let the boys see the syringe, much less put them through the agony of watching her pull the inch and a half needle out and fill it full with stuff she is going to stick in their leg. At this point, my oldest started going into major freak-out mode. I had to lay on top of him and hold him down while he was shrieking and thrashing about. All the while my youngest is on the other side of the room junping up and down and running in circles because he just knows we are killing his brother. The nurse finally gave him the shot and he stopped screaming and said "that didn't hurt that much". So little brother is put on the table for round two and big brother tells him that it won't hurt that much. Round 2 went smoother. He didn't thrash, just alot of screaming. They did get cool stickers for their "good behavior".

I went directly to Walgreens and got my flu shot. They were worried for me but I had more knowledge and experience on my side and I am proud to say that I did NOT freak out and punch the nurse. It didn't hurt at all.

Anyway, this whole experience got me thinking about things. A shot is never a pleasant experience but I had more knowledge and experiences on my side to help dispell any fears. My boys were relying on their knowledge of shots to cope. And guess what? The experiences they have had gave them a perspective that no matter what SHOTS ARE EVIL AND MUST BE AVOIDED AT ALL COST. As their mother I know the benefits of shots, a little pain now to help avoid a greater pain later. My perspective is different than theirs. How many times do I walk into a situation and bring my perspective which is skewed by my experiences instead of relying on God's perspective? He can see so much more clearly what I need. He will never lie to me. My boys thought I had lied to them when the shots were not what they had been told. I didn't lie. I spoke the truth. God speaks the truth and is truth. Just because things don't work out the way I think they should does not mean that God lied or led me astray. He knows better than me. Why can't I just trust Him?

Not sure if that made sense to anyone else but the events of this afternoon taught me a lesson. My life and its experiences and my perspective about those experiences have affected how I look at things and how I live my life. It is only God's perspective that is perfect and sees all things and sees how things will work out for my benefit. If I will take the time to get to know my Heavenly Father and allow His perspective to become my perspective, how much differently would I be living my life? I would walk confident, not in fear. I would walk in love and compassion, not in judgement and criticism. I would be generous, not stingy and selfish. I would be patient, not quick tempered. I would walk in faith, not walking daily in doubt and bondage. I would see the people around me as creations of God who need to know Him and His love and salvation, not people that inconvenience me in my little self absorbed world.

Today showed me how screwed up in my thinking I have been. It is time to get to know God for all He is.

I'm an auntie again!

2010-10-12T21:16:00.002-04:00

Hello all! This past week has been a flurry of activity around here. My sister (the coolest woman I know) gave birth to her second little boy, my third nephew. I had the honor of watching her oldest son while she went to the doctor and before she was admitted to the hospital. My awesome mother in law came up and watched her little boy and my two sons so I could be there when the sweetest angel was born.

Little Rylend is perfect in every way. He is sooooooo precious and adorable. He and his mommy are both doing great. I would post a pic but I have a HUGE pet peeve about people posting other peoples news and pics before they do. I just feel that there are so few moments in our lives that are truly so special and precious that it is just sooo rude to swoop in and steal the thunder. So whenever his mommy decides to post pics I will put some up. It is her news to share and I will leave it up to her to do it.

Speaking of rude people....I went to a wedding last month and there were people that posted pics of the bride, groom, bridal party and everything before the newlyweds even got to leave the church. Hello!!! It is their day, can you just not try to make it all about you? Just saying.

My oldest has been on fall break for the last 6 days (yes, he has been counting every one). He was so excited about being out of school but today he informed me that he couldn't wait to go back to school in the morning because being at home is SO boring. He even reminded me that he needed to go to bed earlier because he had to get up early. Hilarious!! He is alot like me as a child. I loved school and while I enjoyed being home with the family I would have rather been at school. He is learning phonics and sight words and loves to get books and try to pick them out. He will be reading in no time. I can't wait! Reading is probably my favorite past time in the entire universe and I think he will enjoy it as well.

My littlest man is so funny. One minute he is Mister Independent and the next he is telling me that he is not a big boy and wants to lay in my lap and be sung to. I love that they are so unique and different and yet so complimentary in their personalities. And they love each other so much. I love to hear them giggle and laugh and wrestle. Such little boys!!! I can't believe they are going to be 6 & 4 in a couple months. They decided they want to celebrate their birthdays together with just one party. Score for mom!! That means less planning for me. Because lets face it I am not one that enjoys planning and executing anything. Especially parties. There are people who are so gifted in that area, I just don't happen to be one of them. But that is alright. I have a mom and a mother in law that love to plan stuff. Perhaps I will let them help.

I still have not been disciplined enough to try the couponing again. I need to be doing it, desperately need to be saving money while providing nourishment and neccesities for my family but just haven't known where to begin. The bottom line is that I am really terrible with follow through. I am realizing it more and more. Do they have a support group for that type of thing? Perhaps PA (procrastinators anonymous) or LB (lazy bums)? Maybe I should start one......or maybe not.

I have been in a funk here lately. Can't really pinpoint a particular reason (I guess I could just choose from the 87 that are spinning through my head) but I would really like to get out of the funk. I guess I need to just put on my big girl panties and deal with stuff. That is never fun. But I guess NOT being a funk for the rest of my life should be motivation enough to get on with it. Sorry if that was cryptic and incoherent.....

I have been trying to think of things to blog. If I think if any I will post them.

Can't Stay Focused

2010-10-01T08:48:00.002-04:00

I got up this morning with a to-do list. And I have begun working on it. The problem is that I find I get alot more accomplished if I have music playing while I work. Otherwise I work slower and get easily distracted. But his morning I was listening to the new Passion CD on Grooveshark and kept hearing these awesome songs. So of course I have to stop and run to the computer to find out the name of the song and who is singing it. Then I have to Youtube it. So needless to say I am over an hour into my to-do list and the only thing that has been done is internet research....hahaha. Anyway, here is one of the songs that ministered to me this morning. I thought someone else might need to be reminded of how much our Heavenly Father loves us. Be blessed and Happy Friday!!

Coupon Shmoupon

2010-09-29T14:26:00.005-04:00

Alright, I decided to try my hand at couponing this week. I think I must need a system or something because after an hour of clipping coupons, another 30 minutes organizing and 2 hours of shopping I am pretty sure that I spent more money than I would have without them. But I am also pretty sure I did it backwards or something.

My receipt said that I saved 10.78 but I spent about $20 more than if I would have just gone to the Dollar Store. One problem was that once I got to the store to pair their in-store special and a coupon, they were out of the item. Or the sale price with a coupon was higher than regular price somewhere else. I am not giving up but I think I need to do some further research. As it stands right now, I really don't know what the regular prices at various stores are so I don't know if 2/$5 for 300 count Q-tips is a great price. It isn't by the way. I used a coupon to get that deal at Walgreens and then went into the Dollar Store to get toilet paper (since they were out at Walgreens) and found that I could have bought 500 count Q-tips for a little under $2. I feel duped!!!

So I will be learning some more about couponing and putting into practice because I could really use a boost in the old wallet right now. Who couldn't?

Speaking of my wallet.......I have decided to work part time to be able to pay some bills off and put money into savings for our boys school tuition and vacations and such. I wasn't willing to put our 3 year old into school yet so I decided to work from home. I have been wearing Mary Kay products and LOVING them since I was in college. So I am now a Mary Kay independent Beauty consultant. I love it!!!
Please shop with me, your Independent Beauty Consultant
Your skin will thank me. You can click below or enter the address in your browser.
www.marykay.com/keturamc

Shop with me!

Hit me Between the Eyes Today

2010-09-28T12:42:00.002-04:00

As so many of you, I have a list of blogs that I like to read. Some offer humor to lift my day, some offer hope that I am not alone in my struggles and some encourage the pants off of me. Today as I was reading, I came across this blog. It was written by Lisa Whittle, a wife, mother, writer, and daughter of God. IT spoke to me so much that I thought I would share it with you all. If you are interested in reading more of her blog, you can either like on her name in my blog list or go to www.lisawhittle.com.

****
The Ugly Truth

Sep 22
I’m convinced that some of the most painful moments we spend with Jesus are when He brings us face-to-face with our own ugliness. It’s in those moments that we are repulsed by insights we know in our core to be true.

I admit that I resonate with the thought of being on God’s anvil, as I know well the feeling of being hammered flat by the awareness of the corrupt condition of my heart. I’ve been there, many times.

The truth is, it hurts to look at our inner ugliness.

But God has recently been reminding me of the benefit of being pure from the inside out – of having character in the small things that others may never see or notice but shape my everyday living.

The passage in Matthew where Jesus teaches the religious leaders about inner purity has been constantly playing in my head over the past few weeks. “These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far away.” {15:8} I can think of almost nothing worse than a hypocrite. But the reality is, many times, I am one.

This thought alone drives me to want to clean things up.

A friend of mine recently told me something I won’t soon forget. In fact, I’m not sure anything I’ve read lately has had quite this much impact. He said,

“I [think] what is destroying faith is not Satan. It’s [people who say they are believers that are catty on] Facebook. It’s rude drivers with a fish emblem. It’s the lady buying supplies for VBS in the summer, wearing a t-shirt for said VBS, that [pushes people] out of the way to buy some marshmallows.”

What my friend is talking about is the reality of what happens when we don’t live with the inner character of Jesus. If we accept our eventual turn on the anvil, it leads to the necessary moment when we finally tilt our face toward God and let the truth of who we are compared to who He is hammer us out flat.

Friends, our epidemic is not being too busy. It’s having an ingenuine faith. It’s pre-occupation. It’s calloused hearts. It’s inner ugliness that hasn’t been attended to for a very long time. Lots of us are walking around with things long unattended, and it shows.

When we desire clean living above all else, we face truth that will hurt. But we open up opportunities to share Jesus by the beauty His character through us exudes.

Only then will our heart sing a song of freedom.

Only then will we love people well.

Only then will we please the heart of the God we worship with our lips.

I am pained by the thought of my ugliness. But in the same way I am driven to a place of inner purity, where Jesus takes up the entire space.

May the ugly truth about who we are, drive us into the arms of our beautiful Savior, even today.

Sniff, sneeze, sneeze, sneeze, sniff

2010-09-25T16:29:00.002-04:00

That is the soundtrack around here today. My son has sneezed about 1,000 times in the last 24 hours. I guess he can blame it on me and all the farmers picking and cutting dry, dry, dry crops right now. He normally takes allergy medicine and can you believe that we ran out and I forgot to pick up some more? So we made a special trip earlier so he could get some relief. Hopefully the little man will be breathing easier quickly.

His daddy has a cold and has been snotting and sneezing too. Poor guys!!

I have had a lazy Saturday for sure. I have accomplished absolutley nothing and I don't even feel bad about it. Everyone needs a breather occassionally, right?

Totally unrelated, but has anyone else seen the show "Hoarders". I am fascinated! I feel so bad for these people because I know that I can't even begin to understand how they are feeling. I have some people in my extended family that would almost fit into that category but not that extreme. The show has made me appreciate my little house and that everything has a place. I would go crazy if my house was cluttered and filthy like that. I mean, I am sure you could find some dust bunnies, dirt and some things out of place if you look hard enough. I am not perfect.....surprised? I didn't think so...hahaha

There are lots of things going on right now in our little family. I know God has a plan and a purpose for us and I feel that we are on the edge of something great. We are pushing through, knowing that God knows exactly where He is taking us. Learning to trust in a completely new way. I am nervous and excited at the same time. My hubby has had a dream his entire life and God is allowing us to see how it will become a reality. I am so proud of my husband. He is such a wonderful man, so kind, compassionate, giving, sensitive and he loves the Lord so much. It is my desire to see him walking out the plan God created him to fulfill. We are so different in so many ways but the longer we are married I realize that God brought us together so that we could work as a team, the unit stronger than either individual. He is strong where I am weak and vice versa. I am thrilled to be walking through this life with him by my side. I am so blessed!!!! Your prayers for guidance, direction and provision are coveted today. Thank you!

My new Mantra

2010-09-21T17:42:00.003-04:00

I am not sure even where I heard this but it struck a chord with me and has ignited something in me.

"It is so much better to be a first rate version of yourself than to be a second rate version of someone else".

I have found freedom in this phrase. Why do I spend so much time and energy trying to be like others when I should just relax, accept the person God created me to be and live my life allowing Him to mold me and bring out the beauty He sees when He looks at me. Always room for improvement but I should be who God created me to be, the best version of myself possible.

Some Contemplations

2010-09-21T17:30:00.003-04:00

The boys were in my cousins wedding last weekend. They looked so adorable and sweet. They did an awesome job and behaved themselves. I was so proud. We drove all day yesterday and made it home after midnight. Of course, now the boys and I are trying to get rested up before life continues like normal tomorrow. I am hoping to turn in early tonight.

And I have been thinking about the purpose of this blog. I am at a crossroads of what to do with it. On one hand I want to keep the people I care about updated with how we are doing and what is going on with us. But because it is not a private blog I am finding myself apprehensive to talke specifics and to post pics. I love blogs, all kinds of blogs, I love reading them and seeing the diversity of personalities and interests that they represent. I am just not sure what to do with mine. I know that I would feel a greater freedom to talk, share and be more intimate with what is going on with me and the family if I didn't have to worry about "creepies" stumbling upon it. And I think I am about at my limit of information overload. I know that I will probably get some hate mail by saying this but I am sooooooo over people sharing every little detail of their lives on the internet. What happened to face to face or even voice to voice (via phones) communcation? Just a thought.......

So, I am still not any closer to a resolution but now you all know what I am feeling. Be blessed!!

As a side note....my thoughts about people sharing on the internet is general and not about any particular person, blog, etc. Just so that is clear. Last time I made a comment like that I got phones calls wanting to know who I was upset at.....can you imagine???? hahaha

My Life in Movie Quotes

2010-09-14T10:12:00.002-04:00

You've Got Mail:
Kathleen Kelly:[writing to "NY152"] Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life - well, valuable, but small - and sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around? I don't really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So good night, dear void.

Sleepless In Seattle:
Becky: (talking to Annie) Verbal ability is a highly overrated thing in a guy, and it's our pathetic need for it that gets us into so much trouble.

Steel Magnolias:
Ouiser Boudreaux:(talking to M'Lynn) What's the matter with you these days, M'Lynn? You got a reindeer up your butt?

Madea's Family Reunion:
May: Love is many things. It's varied. One thing it is not and can never be is unsure.

Fireproof:
Michael: Fireproof doesn't mean a fire will never come, but that when it comes you'll be able to withstand it.

Had to Share

2010-09-07T16:11:00.001-04:00

I heard this today for the first time. Had to share.

Arms Wide Open
Misty Edwards
Fling Wide :

Lyrics:

“What does love look like?” is the question I’ve been pondering
“What does love look like?”
“What does love look like?” is the question I’ve been asking of You

I once believed that love was romance, just a chance
I even thought that love was for the lucky and the beautiful
I once believed that love was a momentary bliss
But love is more than this
All You ever wanted was my attention
All You ever wanted was love from me
All You ever wanted was my affections, to sit here at Your feet

Then I sat down, a little frustrated and confused
If all of life comes down to love
Then love has to be more than sentiment
More than selfishness and selfish gain

And then I saw Him there, hanging on a tree, looking at me
I saw Him there, hanging on a tree, looking at me
He was looking at me, looking at Him, staring through me
I could not escape those beautiful eyes
And I began to weep and weep

He had arms wide open, a heart exposed
Arms wide open; He was bleeding, bleeding

Love’s definition, love’s definition was looking at me
Looking at Him, hanging on a tree
I began to weep and weep and weep and weep

This is how I know what love is, this is how I know what love is

And as I sat there weeping, crying
Those beautiful eyes, full of desire and love

He said to me, “You shall love Me, You shall love Me
You shall love Me, You shall love Me”

With arms wide open, a heart exposed
With arms wide open, bleeding, sometimes bleeding

If anybody’s looking for love in all the wrong places
If you’ve been searching for love, come to Me, come to Me
Take up your cross, deny yourself
Forget your father’s house and run, run with Me
You were made for abandonment, wholeheartedness
You were made for someone greater, someone bigger, so follow Me
And You’ll come alive when you learn to die

School Daze

2010-09-03T08:08:00.002-04:00

Well, my sweet little man got in trouble this week at school. I must say that I knew it would happen eventually but it came sooner than I thought.

We have been able to carpool with another family and it has been great. I went to school with her and it has been so nice getting to know her again. Anyway, my little man and her little man are in the same class. They were instant friends. If my son is dragging out of bed in the mornings all I have to do is remind him that he is riding with his buddy to school and he hops out of bed. It has been nice. And they play really well together. But they have both been in trouble this week. And when the story unfolds they are together when it happens. Kind of funny actually. So my little man got in trouble for playing and making way too much noise in the bathroom. I should have known that his mouth would get him in trouble. He is sooooo social like me. He is learning though.

He also almost gave me a heart attack the other day. He was riding his bicycle on the deck and got too close to the stairs. He didn't get his front tire turned in time and ended up going down the steps on his bike. When he hit the concrete at the bottom his tire stuck and flung him over the handle bars into the tire rim on my car. It freaked me out. He was screaming and crying. I just knew he had really hurt himself. But thankfully his angels were working overtime. He pinched a finger, scraped his ribs and got a goose-egg on his head. It could have been so much worse. Thank the Lord it wasn't. By the next morning he was all better.

In other news, my youngest little man is doing great. He loves hanging out with mommy in the mornings. We made "flubber" yesterday. It was so much fun. I love that stuff.

I am ready for the temperatures to drop a bit. I am tired of being stuck inside. Because I am not about to sweat to death, not my thing.

Getting a ladies night tonight. Yeah!!!!!

It's a Monday...

2010-08-30T14:48:00.002-04:00

Meltdown Monday is what I am gonna call it. I woke up tired. So did the boys. And now there are lots of bad attitudes and hollering and tears and crying.

And there isn't even any chocolate in the house, thanks to the mice, which are all gone now thank you very much. But not before I had to throw out everything in my pantry. On the bright side.....my pantry hasn't been this clean in years.

The good news? We are all healthy and I have the tremendous blessing of being the person at home everyday with them to witness such moments...haha

Is it bad that I am wanting to laugh right now at the behavior of my boys? They are yelling and being bossy and crying. I think I may be having a breakdown.....not really.

Yes, I swiped This From Her Blog

2010-08-25T18:30:00.005-04:00

Today I was reading through some of my fave blogs and came upon Bring The Rain (her blog is listed in my blog list, check her out, you won't be dissapointed. Her journey is one of heartache and loss and the love of Jesus) Anyway, I haven't read her blog in a while because sometimes she can be so in my face about the things of God. She makes mistakes. She talks about them. She isn't perfect and she doesn't pretend to be. She is just a woman that is loved of God and loves God with all her heart. And when I read her blog it touches a place in my heart that I have been trying to keep hidden and protected. But today I let the wall come down enough to click on her blog. And of course God used her to minister to me in a big way. I just had to share just in case anyone else needed to read this today. God knows who it is. Love you guys!!! Her blog starts with the stars.

******It won't come as a surprise to most of you that I'm a little Type A about things. Not even important things, necessarily. For example, I can't keep all the dog hair off the ground but if a recipe calls for a teaspoon, it's painful for me to try and "guesstimate" without the actual measuring spoon. Weird, I know.

Last week I had an epiphany about my prayer life and it's probably going to look pitiful on paper but it really did make a big difference to me and I want to share it in the event that you can relate. When I talk to the Lord, I have realized I do it like He doesn't know who I am. I originally thought I had to be on my knees next to my bed (left side, candle burning) in order for Him to hear me but then years later I rebelled and just did it while sitting straight up. I like to push the envelope, what can I say?

It seemed like I was still connecting despite the fact that I wasn't following my little rules, so I went with it. I became accustomed to just talking to Him wherever I was (madness, I tell you), but until recently I didn't realize that I still had some learning to do. I'm kind of laughing as I write this because it sounds funny to even say, but the truth is that I typically pray like this:

"Dear Jesus (wait until He has had a chance to turn His eternal gaze on me instead of the other thing He was doing. Not scripturally accurate but nonetheless, I do), I would like to lift up so-and-so to you. She is really processing her divorce and I'm concerned for her. Lord, what can I do to help? What should I be saying to her?"

It goes on like this for a few minutes, me talking like I'm talking to a psychiatrist who just pulled my file. And sometimes (gasp!) I get distracted and then I start over. "Sorry Lord. I just started thinking about how this other person really irritates me and I kind of chased the rabbit trail a little. I also ate some Little Debbie Swiss Cake Rolls but now I'm back and I'm ready to focus."

It's like I have to have a powerpoint presentation before I feel like I've prayed efficiently.

For crying out loud, how weird is that? And yet, some of you are nodding your heads right now because you have felt the same thing. You feel like you're talking to Someone Who has other things to do and you just want to walk away feeling like you did it "right." Because certainly the God of the heavens can't piece it together if I don't help Him out.

Last night Amy (from Selah) and I were getting ready to go to a movie (Inception, if you must know. And don't think the irony isn't lost on me. And also, I'm still confused about the whole thing, start to finish). Charlotte was crying about something and Todd had taken her into the bedroom to try and calm her down. It wasn't going very well so he brought her back out and Amy took her. All the while I was acutely aware that she wanted to be swaddled, turned slightly into someone's chest with her pacifier in her mouth and her lamb making the ocean wave sound. I'm pretty sure Miss Kelsey (who has saved our lives and is currently watching the kids so I can hide in the bedroom and write) just shouted Amen because she knows the drill too. But it's a recent development and Todd was out of town for a few days so he didn't know about the magic of the lamb (once again, the irony is kind of like a sack of potatoes falling on my head. Subtle, you know?).

I picked her up and walked her into her nursery and a few minutes later she was completely asleep and Todd came in to see what I had done to calm her down. After he walked out I continued to rock her and I had one of those moments where you just know the Lord is trying to impress something upon your heart so you listen.

She didn't say a thing. She didn't label her needs and desires with boxes to check off. You knew them already because you know her. You know the sound of her hungry cry and the sound she makes when she's falling asleep contented. You don't need her to explain, because you love her well enough to know.

Well, that's because I'm her mother. Naturally I know.

And exactly Who do you think I am?

God likes to trump me with one-liners. He knows I appreciate timing and punch.

I start to realize that I pray to Him as if He doesn't already know everything. As if I'm another customer in the long line of people Who want to talk to Him. I'm like three steps away from making an appointment.

I don't even hear the little Lamb playing because I'm so darned convinced that I need to show Him where the swaddle is. He doesn't need a preface. He doesn't want a 5 step plan. He wants me to be with Him. I have this weighted feeling that if I forget to pray specifically, it won't happen. If someone writes me and asks me to pray for their child and I screw up and forget, what will happen? It will all fall apart, right? Because it was dependent on me to explain. He didn't understand and I would have been the one person who could have intervened. Logic at it's finest, folks. Hope you picked up on that.

I know it in my head and I believe I love Him this way but for some reason the praying is different. When I saw Charlotte sleeping I knew He was trying to teach me something that would deepen our relationship. Instead of rattling off a list last night, I laid in bed (Oh yes I did. And He heard me anyway) and I thought of a person in my life who has really wounded me. As the face of that person sat in my mind, I just let it sit. I didn't try to pepper it with my side or explain how wronged I had been, I just rested knowing that He knew it already. And it was a relief. And then He told me I was right and that person was wrong, wrong, wrong. Well, I'm pretty sure anyway.

I freak out when I don't have control (airplanes, anyone? I'd probably be fine if I was the pilot!) and I feel the need to fill in all the gaps. I'm really going to try and change this, and I have worked out a very specific checklist in order to free myself from it.

That last part was a joke. Kind of.

I want to let Him be Him in my prayer. I want to be able to rest knowing that I don't have to work to pray, because He is in the business of knowing already. Does that make sense? If not, you should see Inception because this will be really simple after that.

I just wanted to encourage you all to reach out to the God who has already filled the gaps, and embrace Him as the Father Who doesn't need anything from you. You are freed from responsibility, and enabled, through grace, to be a part of the miracle.

Ahhh. Doesn't that feel nice?

Rest in Him today, friend.

With much love and an alarming selection of highlighters,
Ang*******

What?

2010-08-24T11:19:00.002-04:00

So this morning I have some questions to throw out there.

Why is that everytime I am "Next Blogging" I end up with an endless stream of cycling blogs? I do not cycle, I haven't rode a bicycle since I was in college and I don't even own a bicycle. And yet, I keep running into multiple blogs about it. Hmm...

And why do my favorite jeans smell like they are on fire? I bought them about 5 months ago and no matter how many times I wash them they still smell like I have just run out of a burning building. I know it is the dye in them but come on...enough is enough. Any suggestions to de-odorize them?

Why do these political parties keep calling me? Even after I tell them that I do not live in the state they are running for office? Now they have started leaving voicemail messages....ugh! Hopefully they will stop once the elections are over.

Why does the mouse that is living in my house feel like he has a right to be here? And how does the disgusting vermin manage to keep avoiding the nice traps I keep leaving for him?

Why have I not heard about the flooding in Pakistan until today? The news report said that millions are homeless with the potential for almost a million more to lose their homes. The flooding has been going on for almost a month. The report stated that the world has been slow to offer aid. I wonder why? Maybe it is because the media and those behind it haven't been as up front with is as they could have been. Why is a tragedy in one part of the world given a telethon and 24/7 news coverage for months while others are all but ignored?

Some Randomness This Monday

2010-08-23T16:27:00.003-04:00

I have a few potential blog posts rattling around in the ole noggin but they all seemed a bit serious for today. So I thought I would post some random goings on from around here. (yes, I realize that I completely butchered the English language and I don't care....just the odd ball mood I am in today)

1. My younger little man is having a harder time adjusting to Big man going to school than his brother is. He is missing him so much. It makes my heart smile when I see how excited they are to see each other after school.

2. There is nothing in the world more precious than to hear your children pray and sing songs to our Heavenly Father. My two sweet boys have had me in tears for days. They sing and approach God with such sincerity and silliness all at the same time. I pray that they stay that way and don't allow us grown ups teach to them to not do it that way. If only we could once again approach God without all the junk.

3. My two little boys laughing at each other is my favorite sound in the world.

4. My hubby's birthday is today. I would write a huge paragraph to him but he does not read my blog. He doesn't "get it" ;)

5. I am in the middle of cleaning out stuff from our house. The boys and their stuff keeps getting bigger and it is making my home feel smaller. By the time they graduate I will be a minimalist I think.

6. Rubbing alcohol gets stains out of furniture. Who knew? My sis told me this tip.

7. I haven't had pizza in a few weeks. Beginning to get the shakes. Must have Mellow Mushroom or Red Elephant soon.....very soon. (must find some $ to get to eat pizza)

8. Oh, how I miss DVR......yes, I am that superficial.

9. It disturbs me when people pass up dessert. What is that about? Are they genuinely not interested? Are they dieting and want everyone else to know? Are they trying to prove something but showing me that they don't "need" dessert? I mean, I don't need it either, I just want it really bad. And I hate that it is bad manners to ask for their portion if they aren't going to eat it. What a waste!

10. This week I love Ginger Ale.

11. They should change the motto of Publix to "Publix, a happy place".

12. Still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up.

13. Hubby & I are stepping out to lead the 20's group at church. It is going to be stretching us and we are not sure what is going to come of it. But we do have peace and know that God would not have asked us to do this if He didn't have a plan for our growth and for our good. It is kinda depressing that I am old enough to be leading this group. They picked us because we were out of our 20's but still "young" enough to relate. Should be an adventure.

14. Needing an accountablity partner.

15. My hubby and my two boys bring me so much joy. I am overwhelmed with how blessed I am. I may not be able to see down the road of our lives but right now I am loving our life and know that God has good things in store.

needing a breather

2010-08-21T11:57:00.004-04:00

Finding myself in this moment feeling stressed and aggrivated. My chest is tight and I could probably cry at any moment. Nothing in particular wrong just a feeling. And when I get to feeling this way I usually try to breath out some of the stress. I guess I do it more often than I realized because my 5 year old was sitting at the bar eating a few days ago and his brother was bothering him. Instead of arguing with him or fussing back, I just saw him take a huge breath in and then blow it really slow out his mouth. He had to have seen me do that. Whoops!!

I am having an interesting time adjusting to this whole school thing. My big man is doing great and loves it. And it has been good for me to have something to do everyday and a certain time that it has to be done. But I feel like I haven't gotten to spend "family time" with my boys these last few weeks. He is busy with school during the week and the past 2 weekends we have had something to do each day of the weekend whether it was birthday parties or funerals or wedding showers. All these things are great and we have enjoyed them but I am wanting a day that we get to just veg out at home and just be together. Guess I should just get over it and be thankful for the time I do have. Lesson for today......God wants to squeeze the selfishness right out of me. It can't be about me all the time. Something to ponder today.

Prideful in Grace?

2010-08-19T17:08:00.002-04:00

As I was loading the dishwasher earlier I heard a song that I have heard a hundred times before. But this time it somehow crept its way past my ears, past that part of my brain that senses and filters the familiar and entered my heart. It spoke to me about my arrogance and pride about the grace of God.

I have grown up in church, heard the gospel message a million times, listened to thousands of sermons, read scripture, participated in Bible studies. And through it all I have always been certain that Jesus Christ died on the cross for my sin. I know this fact through and through. But perhaps I know it too well. Have I really considered the cost?

The song spoke of "would you take the place of this man?" This man being Jesus. He took my place. The life I have lived on my own demands death as a penalty. But I feel that in our world of comfort and convenience that I have never fully allowed myself to really let myself think and feel what that means. Instead I have accepted that Jesus did it all for me and then become prideful and arrogant of that fact. God's grace is given freely but I need to remember what it cost Him to give it to me. I need to live my life mindful of what He did for me and remember that while I never deserved His sacrifice, He still sacrificed so that I might know Him. Really know Him. His Grace and salvation are wonderful but He is expecting more of me. And to walk it out I need to remember everyday where I would be without Him. I can't do it on my own. It is only through Him that I stand a chance to live the life He intended for me. And since He has done it all, I need to be thankful and humbled.

Still Here

2010-08-18T15:32:00.001-04:00

I am still alive and breathing. Just been having some computer issues. Very boring stuff so I won't elaborate.

But some great news is that my sweetie pie started school a couple of weeks ago. He loves it!!! I promise I will blog more extensively about it soon.

Jonesing for a Coke.

2010-07-02T14:58:00.003-04:00

Well, I guess it is update time since it has been almost a month since I have blogged. It has been a crazy time.

After our Anniversary Celebration I prepared for a road trip to visit my grandparents 1,000 miles away. I had the house cleaned, the laundry done, the car serviced, new tires, and suitcases packed. I was emotionally, physically and mentally ready for this trip. We were scheduled to leave early Thursday morning. Wednesday afternoon our oldest son said that he was cold. Less than 30 minutes later he was lethargic and shivering with a temp of 102.8. My first thought was "What?" So we postponed the trip a day to see how he felt the next morning. Lets just say that he was not better the next day so I called the doctor to have him checked out. 30 minutes before we head that way and my other son starts in with a fever. They check them both out at the docs office only to find that they had Strep Throat. My little guy puked all over me in the office and then I had to still go to the pharmacy to pick up antibiotics. What a fun day. So we postponed the trip another day. By 4:00 pm Friday afternoon my sweet little boys were back to normal and running around. (sidenote- thank the Lord for prayer and anitbiotics!!!!) So we set off early Saturday morning and drove all day and made it to my grandparents 18 hours later. The boys did phenomenal. They have always been such great travelers. I have ridden with grown adults who are much more trouble.

We enjoyed a wonderful time with all of my family and friends. We were scheduled to stay about 10 days but my grandfather ended up having surgery and since my grandmother requires 24 hour care my mom and I stayed an extra week to help out. As it turned out my mom is still needed to help out and stayed behind indefinitley. But my sweet and awesome mother in law flew out on Tuesday so I had someone to ride back with the boys and I on Wednesday. We had a great trip back. I pulled up in my driveway about 12:30am and have spent the last 2 days recuperating. That word sounds funny since I haven't really done anything for the last 3 weeks but eat too much, talk too much, eat too much, and ingest waaaayyy tooooo much caffeine. I guess I have driven a total of 2240 miles. And yes, I drove all the way there and all the way back. Call it a sickeness if you like. I would rather drive than ride. Control freak? Yes, possibly.

So back to the caffeine thing......I was completely off caffeine before I left for vacation. I had lost some weight and was feeling pretty good about myself. But I had a problem once I got away. My favorite thing to do while vacationing is eat. I like to eat at all the places that we don't have around here. I ate at P.F. Changs twice. Taco Mayo more times than I can count. Cheezies 3 times. And I ate donuts from the bakery around the corner every other day. And you have to have a Coke to wash it all down, right? Well, at least I did.

So today I sit on my butt trying to NOT drink a Coke and wondering just how much weight I have gained. That is a question that will have to go unanswered because I don't plan to visit my old pal, the scale, until I am no longer bloated and hormonal. I just might not recover. Haha. So glad to be home with my hubby. 3 weeks is just toooooo long away from him and home.

Hmm, think I can take a vacation to recover from my other vacation?

So much to do this next month. I better just put on my big girl panties and deal.

"I Do" Again

2010-06-09T08:51:00.002-04:00

Hubby & I renewed our vows Sunday afternoon. It was such a wonderful evening. Getting to celebrate with our friends and family and sharing that time with them was so nice. And standing in front of my handsome husband and saying our vows and reaffirming our love to each other and recommiting our hearts was sweeter than I could have imagined. I am so blessed!

My brother and his wife came over and he took pics of everything. When I get the pics from him I will post them. Thank you to everyone who was thinking and praying for us.

Happy Happy Joy Joy

2010-06-02T09:29:00.002-04:00

Well there are many things that I could blog about today but since I am trying to be positive and uncomplaining those topics have become limited....hahaha

So today I thought I would blog about some things that make me happy.

I LOVE a good book. It is my first choice to escape the normalcy of life. In another life I would have liked to have been a writer, or an editor or even a person that just gets paid to read books. In the movie "Sabrina", her father takes a job as a chauffeur so he has plenty of time to read. Pretty sweet deal if you ask me.

I love the smell of Magnolia blossoms. That sweet citrus yumminess just makes me want to breathe deep and run around bare foot.

Hydrangeas, especially blue ones are the prettiest flower to me. They are so big and over the top and just make me smile. We had 2 huge bushes of them at our rental house when we first got married. The neighbor lady loved them as well. She would come over and get cuttings and then plant them at her house and they would always come up pink instead of blue. It drove her crazy. The pH was differenct and no matter how hard she tried she just could not get blue hydrangeas to grow in her yard. That house and the hydrangeas are gone now. Too bad.

Carrots!! I eat them every day. I love them and if I had to choose just one food to eat for the rest of my life it would be carrots. They are cold and crunchy and yummmy!!! But I only like them raw or slighty grilled. I can't stand a mushy carrots. Blech!

My boys laughing is so infectious. No matter how I am feeling it always perks me up and brings me back to the reality of how blessed I am. My children are healthy and growing and are a source of great joy for their daddy & me. They are so funny and interesting and unique. I love being their momma!!

I love our church! And our church family! And our Pastor & Pastors wife. So blessed that God led us to this new family.

Hubby & I just celebrated 10 years of marriage. We are throwing a party Sunday to celebrate and to renew our vows. Even sitting here now I cannot believe that I have been a wife for 10 years already. We have lived in our home now for almost 9 years. I have never lived in a house that long ever. We have brought our sons home to this house. We are raising them together in this home. It only seems fitting to renew our vows and to kick off the rest of our lives together here as well. I am looking forward to many more years together. I am so honored to be married to such a wonderful man. In this day of "throw away" everything I feel that we should be proud to have made it this far. Not getting cocky or anything. Every marriage can be improved upon and every couple needs to communicate to make sure they are both moving in the same direction. And most importantly keeping God first in the marriage. We have not arrived by any means but we have worked to get where we are and want to be an encouragement to others who are married and are wondering if they can make it. It may not be easy but it is definitley worth it! And a little tid bit of advice? Counseling is never a bad idea. Marriages can only be strengthened by opening up communication lines. And sometimes it is easier to do with a professional to help navigate unfamiliar waters. And here is something hubby & I learned. There is NO shame in asking and seeking help. And it is so easier to get back on track before things get way out of whack. I guess you could consider it a "tune up" for your marriage. (getting off my soap box)

I am looking forward to spending the rest of my life with the man God created just for me. And that makes me very happy.

Be blessed!

Stuffed Emotions

2010-05-19T20:48:00.004-04:00

Today I was faced with some emotions that I apparently have been trying to stuff and not deal with. I know that I haven't used this blog to talk about really personal things in my life. I haven't felt that it was beneficial to air my laundry, dirty or otherwise. So without throwing any specifics out there I am just needing to vent.

Anger. An emotion that has me reeling right now. Today my son climbed up in my lap with tears in his eyes and broke down. His heart was breaking and there wasn't anything that I could say to make it better. I made a promise to myself when I gave birth to him to not lie to him, even if it was easier on me. So today I was at a loss of what to say to a 5 year old that would heal his heart without giving false hope and expectation. Nothing came to mind so I asked if I could pray for him. He said yes and then proceeded to bury his head in my chest and bawl. The kind of bawling that shakes your entire body. It broke my heart. I am his momma and I am supposed to be protecting him. Then came the anger. Anger at having to see my little guy so upset. Anger that I am put in the position to have to deal with this. Anger that I can't change the situation. Anger at a person that is so selfish right now that if I saw them I might just snap. As I held my son and we shared that moment of broken promises with hearts hurting and missing, he looked up at me and said "Why doesn't he listen to Jesus?" I wish I knew the answer but I don't. So all we could do was hold each other and cry and reflect on a time when things were different, better and a bit more simple. My little boy is becoming a young man and I was reminded how important my job as his momma is. I can't protect him from every negative thing in his life, but I can pray that he will rely on the Lord and walk through it with Him. I can teach and train him in the ways of the Lord. And I can teach him to love, even when it doesn't make sense, and is hard. And I can teach him to forgive. Reminders that I needed today. How can I teach if I am not doing? So it looks like I will be facing some feelings and emotions and "stuff" head on if I am gonna grow and mature and be the wife, mom and woman that God has created me to be. To be honest, I have been in "hide out" mode. That is not living in the fullness of all God has for me. But I have to let Him do His will in my life and do my part. Please pray for me and the family, especially my sweet little boys.
(btw, me & hubby are great. No worries there.)

Mothers Day

2010-05-10T11:32:00.005-04:00

Yesterday was a wonderful day for this mommy. I was able to spend it with my wonderful husband, my sweet little boys, my mom, my mother in law, my sister and so many others. The weather was beautiful, the food phenomenal and the time spent with everyone is just what I wanted and needed. My mom decided that what she wanted for Mothers Day was to have everyone in her home and to cook a big lunch of roast and all the fixings. I tried to talk her out of it but you know how it is when a momma makes up her mind....haha. So I told her that I would bring dessert. She loves marble cake(who doesn't?) and so I made a pretty cake fit for the occasion. It didn't turn out exactly like I envisioned it but it tasted yummy.

Me & my handsome husband (who did an excellent job in picking out my gift)

Me & my big man

Me and my littlest man

Me & my momma (the bestest mom in the whole world)

Me & my sister (who is a wonderful momma)

Me & my Mother in Law (such a sweet lady)

Such a wonderful day!!! Hope everyone else had a great day too!!

Blessings

2010-05-08T08:52:00.005-04:00

Last week my mom asked me to help her finish up a pianting job. My sister offered to watch my boys so I could help. My mom is one of the most giving people in the world and so I said "yes". After all I enjoy painting and I could use a day without the kiddos. So off we went to paint a bathroom.

We got there and began cleaning and priming. The lady who owned the house came in and told me that she was moving and was getting rid of alot of the "stuff" that accumulated over the years. She had the radio on a Christian station and mom and I painted and listened. As the time went by I began to feel the presence of the Lord so strongly in her home. It was apparent that she was a woman that had invited the Lord in and lived in a way that would please Him. I was so blessed just being in her home. I cried and cried and laughed. It was a new and interesting experience for me. The Lord used her and her home to bless me so much that day.

We were about halfway through our day when she came in and asked if I had any Fine China dishes. When I got married 10 years ago I was so anti-tradition that I didn't even register for any. I thought it was a waste of money. But as I have gotten older I have wished so many times that I had some nice pretty dishes when company comes over. So I told her that I didn't have any and told her the story behind it. Then she showed me some beautiful Norcrest China and told me that I could have them. I was floored. They were so delicate and feminine and gorgeous. She started packing them up for me and put them by the front door. I was speechless. Then she asked if I had anyplace to put them. I told her I had a small hutch. Then she offered me a huge hutch from her dining room. I had noticed the hutch earlier and had thought to myself that I loved and it was sooooo cute. I didn't know what to say. She said that she would like to give it to me as well. All I had to do was to come and pick it up. About 15 minutes later she came to me with a wooden case and opened it. It was a silver set. Real silver. I have never had anything like that before. She put it with the dishes. She was so generous and giving. And she did so with such a joyful heart. It was such a blessing.

I went that day thinking that I would be able to be a blessing to someone and the Lord blessed me beyond my imagination. I now have a beautiul hutch with lovely China displayed on it and Silver to boot. These are all just material things but the Lord has used this experience to teach me so much.

I think God likes to just show off sometimes. He orchestrated that day to bless everyone. He blessed me while I worked and then added some fluff just because He can. The lady got her rooms painted and I was able to learn from her.

So I have been thinking that the Lord is alot like that lady. So often He wants to bless us but we never put ourselves in a position to be in the place where He can. If I hadn't gone that day I would not be the new owner of a hutch, China and Silver. It is just that simple. How many times have I missed out on Gods blessing because I didn't go or do the things God asked of me? He desires to pour out blessings in our lives. He longs to do things so great and above what we can conceive. Let's make sure we are in position to receive.

Have a great Mothers Day!!!!! And be blessed!

Job 10:12 You have granted me life and favor, and Your providence has preserved my spirit.
By the way.....aren't these the cutest little boys you have ever seen? These are my two little guys and my two nephews.

Things To Remember

2010-04-30T08:55:00.003-04:00

My oldest sweetie pie has been playing tee ball for the last couple weeks. He is having fun and is improving each time he hits the field. I am not particularly blessed with athletic prowess so we are doing what we can.
As I sit in the bleachers with the other parents, grandparents and other random family members of the kids, I have been overhearing some interesting comments. Most of them are complaining about having to sit and watch little kids play ball. I realize that some of the these families may be on their 3 or 4th child and that they may have all of them playing sports and that watching all of the games that implies takes a great deal of time. But I hope and pray that I do not turn into one of those parents, especially actually voicing those "inside thoughts" to the world, within earshot of my children.
So I have decided to make a list of things that I encounter in my own life everyday that seem ordinary or even annoying that I know I will miss when they are no longer a part of my day.

1. Hearing "mommy" said, whispered, yelled, giggled and repeated over 1,000 times a day even when the boys have no reason for needing to get my attention. I think they just like to see my face get red.

2. Cooking dinner only to have the boys inform me that they want something else. (tough for them, by the way....once momma cooks something that is what is for dinner...period)

3. Making beds. Doesn't take alot of time and I know that when they grow up and move out I will miss it.

4. Washing clothes, especially their little clothes. The number of loads will only increase as they and their clothes get bigger.

5. Giving them baths. I have to admit this is NOT my favorite activity, never has been. If that makes me a bad mom......well then alright. But one day they will want to take a big boy shower all by themselves and I will have to stress about whether they washed every area of their bodies if you know what I mean....

6. Cleaning up after them.....all day long. And I might miss cleaning up spilled water or milk or whatever else my youngest was drinking. The record is 3 times in one day. Hoping that stays the record.

7. Watching or listening to PBS, and any number of kids movies that they have. The funniest thing is that my boys inherited my and hubbys talent for talking in movie quotes. There are afternoons when they are playing together and the only conversation between them are scenes from certain movies and cartoons, complete with voice inflection and acting out.

8. Sweeping the floors to get rid of the sand and dirt that they tracked in from playing outside digging in the dirt. They love it!!!I love watching them.

9. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I will miss seeing them learn something new, mastering a new skill and my most favorite, reading to them. They love to sit on either side and have me read books. Reading is my all-time favorite past-time so I am hoping to pass it down.

10. And the most precious of all the "ordinary" day to day items is saying our prayers as a family each night and hearing our sweet boys pray to the Lord and knowing that they understand what they are saying and that they love the Lord. It melts my hear everytime. Oh how I will miss that when they are grown and living on their own.

I know that I will have many more years of enjoying them but I thought that I needed to remind myself to not take the days I have with them now for granted. I urge you to do the same. I don't want to look back on this time in our lives together and regret anything. Time and life is too precious.

Be blessed and have a great weekend!!!

The Bathroom

2010-04-21T11:42:00.008-04:00

****Update- when I reference "we" in the posts about the renovation I mean me, hubby and my mom. She is so talented and we couldn't have done it all without her help.***

Here are some pics of the bathroom before. I am terrible about remembering to photograph projects so these don't really show the magnitude of how weird it was.

When you walked into the bathroom the toilet was right inside the door to the left. Right next to the toilet was a tiny pedestal stink. And then there was a wall right next to it that was the end of the shower. It was all crowded onto one wall. There were some built in shelves as you came into the door on the right. Not the best layout at all.

We ripped everything out all the way back to the studs. We even took the floor out down to the joists. When my hubby ripped the tub out (which was an ancient fiberglass unit) we found that they had covered up a window. Yippee!!

We redesigned the entire layout of the room. Moved plumbing, added electric, put up and finished sheetrock, painted, put in the bathtub and vanity and toilet. We are very pleased with ourselves. Especially the part where we saved a ton of money by doing most of it ourselves. We hired out the electric and some of the plumbing. But everything else we did. It isn't decorated yet and the shower curtain isn't up. But you can get the idea.

The view from the doorway.

Okay I am having some issues uploading the pics. I will try again tomorrow with more pics.

All Dressed Up With No Place To Go

2010-04-20T23:03:00.003-04:00

This afternoon a flurry of activity took over my house. My sweet little man ran around looking for, then found his baseball pants, baseball shirt, cleats, baseball hat and glove. He put them all on and was soooooooooo excited to go to his first T-ball game. And wouldn't you know it? It was totally rained out (after we got there, of course). The kids were all so dissapointed that it was pitiful. We will try again in a couple days.

In other news....... Plans for the Anniversary/Vow Renewal has begun. And I am in a confused state about it. It is not going to be a big affair. Just friends and family. And while I want them all to come I am wanting to serve cake, mints, nuts and beverages. Is that wrong of me? I don't really think it is neccessary to serve a meal or finger food if it is going to be evening (7:00pm) What do you guys think?

I have been inspired lately to do alot of little projects in the house. Some are getting done while others aren't.

I am so ready to be back on a schedule. This bathroom/ vehicle drama has had me all disorganized.

I need to stop this post before it gets any more boring than it is already....yawn

Light at the End of the Tunnel

2010-04-08T20:31:00.003-04:00

Things are coming together. I only have a few more things to finish in the bathroom.
The appliance man came this afternoon and installed my new dishwasher.
I was able to pick up my car today. It is now running without any problems.
I found cleats for my little sweetie on sale.
I am teaching Kids Church this month. Always a ton of fun!!
It is always amazing how quickly things can change.

I was reading a scripture and devotion today that really spoke to me.

2 Corinthians 12:10 - That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

It seems like the theme of my life these past few months. There have been so many tests, trials and difficulties that the Lord has been using to teach me and to purge me of some "stuff" that I just don't need in my life. I have been learning to stand up for myself, to rely totally on God and so much more. The thing that struck me about the verse is the word "delight". I wouldn't say that I have been delighting in what has been going on but as I look back I can absolutely see Gods hand of providence, protection, provision and purpose.

Here is an exerpt from the devotion. I thought someone else might need to it today as well.

*The literal translation of this verse adds a startling emphasis to it, allowing it to speak for itself with power we have probably never realized. It is as follows: "Therefore I take pleasure in being without strength, being insulted, experiencing emergencies, and being chased and forced into a corner for Christ's sake; for when I am without strength, I am dynamite."
The secret of knowing God's complete sufficiency is in coming to the end of everything in ourselves and our circumstances. Once we reach this point, we will stop seeking sympathy for our difficult situation or ill treatment, because we will recognize these things as the necessary conditions for blessings. We will then turn from our circumstances to God, realizing they are the evidence of Him working in our lives. (A.B. Simpson) (Streams in the Desert by L.B. Cowman)*

SO much to think about!! I am walking in the blessings of God even if I can't see them yet. SO thankful to the Lord for all that He is doing in me and in my family.

A Knock-off

2010-03-30T20:48:00.002-04:00

I totally stole this from Uncommons blog. Have fun!

If I were...

If I were a month, I’d be September. (I love the changing of the leaves and the crisp fall air)
If I were a day of the week, I’d be Sunday.
If I were a time of day, I’d be 11 pm.
If I were a planet, I’d be Earth.
If I were a sea animal, I’d be a sea urchin.

If I were a direction, I’d be sideways.
If I were a piece of furniture, I'd be a comfy chair.
If I were a liquid, I’d be a Coke. (yummy)
If I were a gemstone, I’d be a diamond. (can't be beat)
If I were a tree, I’d be a magnolia. (such Southern goodness)

If I were a tool, I’d be a swiss army knife.
If I were a flower, I’d be a hydrangea.
If I were a kind of weather, I’d be sunny.
If I were a musical instrument, I’d be a piano.
If I were a color, I’d be blue.
If I were an emotion, I’d be contentment.

If I were a fruit, I’d be a pineapple. (sweet & prickly all at the same time)
If I were a sound, I’d be a soft meoldy.
If I were an element, I’d be water.
If I were a car, I’d be a Armada.
If I were a food, I’d be a homemade cheesecake or a pizza or an Enchilada...oh I can't decide....haha.
If I were a place, I’d be my house.

If I were a material, I’d be cotton.
If I were a taste, I’d be tangy.
If I were a scent, I'd be the smell of Happy. (by Clinique)
If I were an object, I'd be a photo album.

Here They Are

2010-03-29T09:23:00.002-04:00

Here are the not-so-interesting answers to your questions. Thanks for commenting. Hope everyone has a great week!!

Shell said.....
Do you have ADD.I do and it was I was reading a post from my blog. for those of you who know ADD is Attention Deficite Where do you find your blog layouts?

;)

Answer: No I don't think I have ADD. But you can never know for sure can you? haha

T.M. said...
Are you going to be a stay at home mom after your boys go to school?

Answer: I plan on getting a job at the school they attend so I can be off when they are and make a little money too. It will help pay for tuition.

Leigh Ann said...
I read your blog and LOVE IT!!!! My question is....."How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?" LOL. I just talk to you a little while ago so I coldn't quite think of one at the moment. Love you and keep up the good blogging.

Answer: Well I should think that it a woodchuck could chuck a yard an hour....hahaha

Uncommon Blonde said...
You probably have lots of people reading who won't leave a comment - I know I do. My question is - If you were not a stay at home mom, what would you want to do? In other words, what is your dream job (besides your current one of course)?

Answer: A dream job....hmmm. Well if I wasn't married with kids I would want to be a Criminal Investigator. I love the psychology and forensics of that job. But it wouldn't really be conducive to family life. So, a dream job that I can do with a family.....that is easy, I would want to be a Praise & Worship leader and a middle school/high school teacher.

Daylight Savings Time Boycott

2010-03-23T23:59:00.002-04:00

Apparently I have subconciously boycotted Daylight Savings Time. Because in my house it should be called Sleep Deprived Time. I can't seem to help myself. I am staying up way too late and getting up later too. So my body has still not adjusted to the new time. The nice thing is that my boys are still on the old time too......sweet for momma! That will end when they realize what is happening. It isn't that I don't want to go to bed it is that I am WIDE awake and cannot go to sleep. Hmmmmmmm.....

In other news..after shopping all over town today (a side note-shopping is NOT my favorite pasttime, especially when looking for a particular thing) I finally found fabric to make a shower curtain. And no, I will not be making it. My mom will be. I want to learn to sew and have started some lessons with her but I do not feel that something as noticeable as a shower curtain should be my first solo project. Maybe I should start with something like a napkin....that is an idea...hahah

I am going to pick out paint tomorrow. Yippee!! Almost finished. What will I do with myself when my bathroom is complete, my house is organized and spotless, the boys are bathing in the new tub and no more projects? Oh yeah....finish all the other projects, especially the ones I started and didn't complete. Like replacing glass and rehanging some of the storm windows or painting the front door. Oh the list is purty long. Should be busy for a while.

Did you know that I LOVE pizza? I could eat it everyday. Wish I had some right now with a Coke. Seriously, I am starting to salivate. Just throwing that out there.

Ok, last thing. I really have no idea who, if anybody, reads this thing. So if you do, please leave a comment with a question. Any question and I will answer it in my next blog.

G-nite!

Feel Free To Not Read This Pointless Post

2010-03-22T23:39:00.002-04:00

I don't really have anything profound to share this evening but I wanted to post something. Sometimes I feel like my brain just kind of untangles and gets free of some of the unwanted stuff floating around when I blog. So I thought I would share some of the more recent happenings around our house.

1.My mom and I have finished all of the tile work in the bathroom. Okay, okay, my mom did most of it. But I offered moral support....yep, that's me. It looks awesome!!! I am so happy with it. We are almost finished with it all. Pictures coming soon. I know, I should have been posting pics all along. But I am not very good about remembering things like that so you will just have to settle for the finished product.

2.Did you know that it has been downright impossible to find a shower curtain that I love? There are millions of them out there....believe I have seen most of them, but none have really struck my fancy. Except for this particular one that isn't available until the middle of May. What is up with that?

3. I pulled something in my neck yesterday. Spent most of the afternoon and evening moving about like the Hunchback of Notre Dame. Thankfully it is loosening up and doing better.

4. There are some people in this world that I just do not understand. People that cause hurt and pain intentionally and don't care. I am so thankful that most everyone in my life are not like those people.

5. My sister is expecting again. Yeah!!! Can't wait to meet this next little bundle of joy.

6. My intentions of losing weight before my anniversary........well lets just say I have more to lose than ever. What is wrong with me? I know....lack of self control and an attitude problem. I need help!!

7. Just want to say that I love my family. They are the best!!! Wouldn't trade any of them at all.

The Reminder I Needed

2010-03-17T21:44:00.001-04:00

Why?

2010-03-16T12:06:00.001-04:00

In between loads of laundry I have been thinking...okay maybe stewing is a better word about all of the "stuff" that has been happening lately around our household and family. We all have those days when we feel like the entire universe has consprired to just dump on us. And to be honest I seem to be swinging from that sentiment to the knowledge that God is in control and can work everything for our good. I wish I could say that I am standing confidently and without wavering on the latter but that would not be accurate. I know what the Word of God says and I can look back over my life and see how it is most definitely true. But staying in that place of faith has been proving difficult these past few weeks.

I found myself asking the ever popular question "WHY?" You know, why us?, why now?.....

Obviously I cannot answer these questions myself. And so I have been stewing.

But then I heard something that has awakened me. Not sure if I heard someone say it, or if I read it or if it was a random thought floating through my brain but here it is............

Why not us?

I have been so sure that it has all been a set up to just mess with us that I hadn't considered that things happen and we may never know why. Really? What could be so great about me, hubby and our family that it would make us completely immune to all trials and hardships and "stuff"? The answer is nothing.

So instead of taking all of this so personal I have decided to just accept it and move on trusting that I may never know why it happened and just trust that the Lord will in fact work it all out in our favor, in accoradance with His will, knowing that He knows what we need and how to best accomplish it all.

Looking forward to seeing how My Father God is going to work it all out.

Back Home

2010-03-16T09:56:00.002-04:00

I want to thank everyone for their thoughts and prayers. I am doing fine. Feeling good. We are still in the process of finding out about the vehicles.....thankfully we have a rental to drive.

Saturday I noticed that our water pressure was decreasing and decreasing. That afternoon the gentleman in charge of maintaining the community well stopped by to tell us that the well had quit working and they could not get it fixed until Monday. So we packed up some clothes and headed to my moms house to spend the weekend. It was driving me crazy knowing how much laundry was piling up at my house. Thankfully they got it repaired yesterday and we are now back at home. The washing machine is running and I am trying to get my house back in order.

I have so much to do today. I guess I should get to it.

Thanks again to everyone for the sweet comments and the prayers. I know they made all the difference.

Another Miracle

2010-03-12T22:48:00.003-05:00

Yep, another one.

Today I was in an automobile accident. It could have been alot worse than it was and I am so thankful for the Lord watching over and protecting me and my family today.

We all know that my car quit working over a week ago. My hubby borrowed a work truck and has been letting me drive his huge big humongously large diesel dually truck. He loves that truck. It has this huge "ranch hand" contraption on the front that I have teased him mercilessly about since he put it on there. So anyway that is what I have been driving if I need to leave the house.

A friend needed me to help her pack today so she could move next week. I didn't really want to take my boys with me since we would be very busy so my hubby had them at work with him today. That is not normally something he would do. I normally have the boys every day all day. Everywhere I go.

So I got done helping my friend pack and was on my way to pick up the boys, driving like a normal person, going the speed limit in the slow lane when a truck pulled out in front of me. Well needless to say I slammed on the brakes and still ended up hitting the side of his truck. Just about took the bed of his truck off. My airbag deployed freaking me out. I thought the dust was smoke and assumed the truck was on fire. The driver side door was crumpled up and jammed so I couldn't get out of it. I managed to crawl out the passenger door and realized that my glasses were not on my face at all. I hopped back in the truck to retrieve them and to turn the truck off. In my head I was thinking that it might keep it from blowing up.....as if.

Thankfully a police man showed up even before I could get across traffic to the side of the road. He was so nice and calm and the paramedics were great too. I managed to walk away with only some "rug burn" type burns on my arm from the airbag. I am a little stiff, of course but I am completely fine. The other guy is fine as well.

And while it is not ideal that there was an accident I am competely overwhelmed with the providence of the Lord that orchestrated the events as they happened. I never drive hubbys truck. But I did today. The policeman told me that the "ranch hand" contraption on the front of the truck probably saved me. It is so heavy duty that it took most of the impact. The truck is most likely totaled. I don't even want to think about what could have happened if I had been in my Pathfinder.

I also did not have the boys with me today. Miracle #2. So thankful they were not in the truck. They have been spared the trauma of it all. They think daddys truck just quit working like mommas did.

So many things lined up to protect me and my family today. Words don't even begin to express my relief and thanks. I know that angels were riding with me today. No one will ever be able to convince me otherwise.

So we will have some "stuff" to sort out in regards to our vehicles, both of which are not running now. But they are just things. The important thing is that we are all okay and that I am here and healthy to see another day.

Praise the Lord!!

"What About Bob?"

2010-03-10T13:33:00.002-05:00

I feel like I need to sit down with my heater and my blanket and a huge bag of Reeces Pieces and watch "What About Bob" today. Maybe it is hormones but I feel like I am climbing the walls today. I am agitated and just not myself.

In the movie Bob is focused too much on all the things that could go wrong in his life. It consumes him. His therapists tells him to take "baby steps" to a different reality. To focus on just the next step so he doesn't get overwhelmed with looking at the big picture. I think I need to do the same. There is so much to think about and to do that I am overwhelmed. Add that to the fact that my hormones are funky and I feel like I can collapse into a ball on the floor and just cry. Cry for no other reason than just I think I would feel better to do it.

In the movie Bob therapist also tells him to take a vacation from his problems. Maybe I need to do that today. Just leave all the stuff I am supposed to do and take my little guys outside and pretend that we are somewhere else without laundry, bathroom remodeling and other responsibilities looming over my head. Think it would work? Maybe, we will see.

Ah man, a song just came on and I can feel the tears rising up. Gotta go.
Feeling like the Lord is just wanting to love on me right now.

Time Out

2010-03-08T23:35:00.003-05:00

I am sitting in my living room by myself enjoying "the quiet". I have never been a person that valued and sought out silence. I always have a CD going or the radio on or the TV blaring. It just seemed to make my day better somehow. But that was before I had 2 little boys that make noise ALL DAY LONG. Some of their noises are funny and pleasant and then other times it is just aggrivating and annoying. But I have found that any of the noises they make are much more tolerable and even enjoyable if there isn't cluttered background noise. I get more frustrated with them when I have something on that I am trying to listen to. So I have been trying to be in the moment with them and pay attention to what is going on. Funny thing has happened. I am learning alot about my little guys. They are so loving and caring toward one another. That is until one of them decides to clock the other one in the head with a tractor. Then they fuss. But they have been talking alot this week about forgiveness. I have heard them ask each other to forgive them. Melts a mommas heart. They communicate in ways I don't understand. They are so special and I am realizing that I have taken alot of our days together for granted. There are so many wonderful and unique traits in both of them and it is amazing to see how God is developing them.

So I am enjoying the quiet and thinking that is in these moments of stillness and calm that we can truly sense the Lord best in our lives. He is here with us always. And most times we are seeking Him when it is loud and chaotic around us. But to be still and quiet before Him, seeking Him and what He has to say. That is when we learn what He is all about. I have learned that this week by listening to my boys. If I keep the busyness and the noise around me I am missing moments I will never get back. It is the same with our Heavenly Father. Yes, He wants our praise and our worship. But He also wants us to crawl up in His lap and just lean against His chest and trace His face with our fingers and begin to really know Him for who He is, not just for what He does for us. I love it when my boys are in the middle of playing, like only little boys can, and then they suddenly stop and seek me out to tell me that they love me and want a hug and to sit with me. I know they are not coming in that moment for what they can get from me but just to be with me and to express their love to me. I know that God desires the same from us. And I have been guilty of not taking the time to do just that. I have stayed busy with the "stuff" and forgot about the "just cuz I love you time".

I am so grateful that the Lord continues to be patient, continues to beckon, continues to love me without condition, and continues to teach and to reveal Himself to me even through things that might seem ordinary. He made me so He knows me and how I tick. He knows how to speak to me and how to encourage me. He designs lessons just for me. He designs lessons just for you. He loves you and me that much.

So I will sit and enjoy the quiet.

Just Breathe

2010-03-04T23:19:00.002-05:00

Today I took the monumental step of enrolling my oldest son in school. It has been a tough and painstaking process for the hubby and I. And while I know that he won't start school until August it still hurt my heart a little bit today knowing that he is growing up so fast. Many moms out there reach the hurdle of leaving your little person in the care of someone else earlier. And my heart goes out to them. I have known that this time in our lives was coming but it has arrived much sooner than I anticipated. The time that I have been able to spend with him has been precious and irreplacable. I know that I will never look back on this time of our lives and regret the decision to spend these years at home with my sweet little guys. It has taken sacrifices in many ways but for us there just wasn't any other option. And yes, I do miss adult interaction some days but not enough to go to work everyday and leave them with someone else. It has just been the right decision for us. I can't know what is best for someone else. And if I am honest I know that I would have to have some high paying job to be able to pay for childcare and still have money to drive every day the 20 miles to the nearest town to work. Enough about that.

So back to my little guy going to school. We have found a wonderful Christian school in a neighboring town where he will attend. We are excited to think that he will be learning about the Lord while learning reading, writing and math and science. It just makes sense for us. Jesus is such a huge part of our lives that we wanted the education of our children to include him as well. Once again, it is the right choice for us.

My sweet little man is so excited about going to school and I know that he is ready. He loves to learn and I cannot wait to see how he will thrive in such an environment. His little brother is going to be lost without though I think. So momma and littlest man will have lots of bonding time. I think it will be nice. I haven't had the same one on one opportunities with him that I did with his older brother.

Life is change. Guess I need to embrace it and love it.

Loving me life!!

My Pathfinder took a Vacation

2010-03-03T19:19:00.003-05:00

I seem to start my blogs as if I am in the middle of a thought or conversation. Hmmmm.....interesting.

Anyway, last night while coming home from music practice at church my SUV decided to have a nervous breakdown. Apparently it was feeling emotional or something because it couldn't decide if it wanted to drive or stop. Conflicting emotions that resulted in the car shaking and rattling and surging. Pretty scary stuff if you ask me. Well then it must have just hit the end of herself because then she decided to just shut down.....and I mean while we are driving down the road at 60 mph. We had lights but that is about it. The engine was gone and so were the brakes. However my manly man husband grabbed the emergency brake and was able to bring safely to a stop. Thankfully we ended up in the parking lot of the only gas station within 15 miles or so. Granted it was closed but at least we weren't in a ditch or in someone's yard.
(That would have freaked me out since I have been reading way too many Ted Dekker novels......if your not familiar with him, never mind)

My sweet hubby tried everything he could think of to get it started again but to no avail. We finally called my brother in law after taking almost an hour to decide that it was in fact not going to wake up from her coma. We made it home safely. Cold but safe.

Now I tell you all of that to just tell you that last night seemed like a yucky, not pleasant ordeal. But as I looked again I saw some sparkle in it. (good stuff)

Normally my husband does not go with me to praise practice. But last night he did.
I would not have known how to stop my car after it died. But he did.
I would not have felt very safe sitting alone at 9:00pm in the middle of nowhere by myself. But I wasn't by myself.
Occasionally I take my two sons to practice with me. Last night they stayed with granny.

I know that it may not seem like much to the ordinary person but God used last night to remind me that He loves me so much that He takes pleasure in taking care of me. He knows all about me and He orchestrated last night to show it. If we take the time to look around us and see how many things that God works out in our behalf we would be amazed. We don't see the accident we avoided because we just could not find our keys and were 5 minutes late. We don't see the angels working and moving about us, doing what our Father God has instructed. He takes such pleasure in taking care of us. We may not recognize it. So often we only focus on what doesn't go our way or what inconveniences occur when we least expect. We never think that maybe what we think is so bad is really just a Heavenly replacement for something that was far worse. I am not saying that God wants to bring bad things into our life. But we live in a fallen world full of sin and consequences. There is going to be heartache, tragedy, dissapointment and hurt. But maybe we should look at what happens to us as blessing instead of burdens. The Word says that He will uplhold us with His mighty right hand. He gives us what we can handle? I think so because we never see the things He saved us from that He knew would break us. And for that I am thankful.

So while my car is still not fixed and my dishwasher is fried and my washing machine is tempermental I will praise the Lord. I know He has plans for me and my family. And I feel like right now He is teaching me so much. It isn't about what see with our eyes, it is all about Gods character. The more we know about that the more we can trust and know that He is good and is working it all out for His glory.

Anybody seen me?

2010-03-01T13:01:00.003-05:00

I have been thinking and meditating lately about what my purpose is. I know I should never compare myself with others. Because if I do, I may begin to feel insecure or even worse prideful and superior. I know that I should focus entirely on who God says I am. Then why is it so hard sometimes?

As I sit here and ponder and type I am mentally running through the list of things that I enjoy and in which I am talented. I am also running through the list of things that I do not enjoy and am most definitley not talented. And then there is the list of things I would like to be able to do but no matter how hard I try it just isn't happening. Maybe it is magnified at this point in my life because most of my days are spent doing the mundane yet important tasks of motherhood. You know? Make the beds (check) Make breakfast (check) Get dressed (or not) etc, etc, etc.

I feel that I have so much to offer but am floundering. Is it because I just haven't been brave enough to step out or is it something else? Have I spent too much time thinking and not enough time living?

Please don't misunderstand. My life is full of so many people and circumstances that I would never trade. I love being a wife more than anything. I am living my dream of being a mother. I look in the faces of my sweet little boys and I know that my job as their mom is my most important right now. Then why do I feel like I am still missing something?

Not sure how many of you know this but I LOVE praise and worship and I LOVE teaching kids. These two things have been a source of joy and inspiration to me for years now. Except things have changed over the last couple of years in my life and I have not had opportunity to do them as much I had in the past. It gnaws at my insides. Teaching a child about God and hearing them sing to the Lord with their face upturned to the heavens melts my heart like nothing else in the world.

I know and realize that God is growing me and teaching me and molding me. But I am getting impatient. Wow! That sounds so immature now that it is out there. Yikes! Guess I still have some growing up to do.

In the meantime I will focus on my #1 goal right now. Using those very same gifts to teach my own sweet little men to sing praises and to know and love their Heavenly Father. I am pretty sure that will make my Heavenly Father happy and proud of me.

But just in case you were wondering here is a list of things in which I am not gifted.
1. Comedy. I try so hard but the only one I crack up is myself.
2. Yard Stuff. If you tell me what to do I will do it but can't for the life of me figure it out on my own.
3. Cleaning.....ok, well ,maybe I just don't enjoy it
4. Scrapbooking.......never want to even try.
5. Politics...yuck
6. Sports...lets just say that my volleyball coach gave me most improved for the 5 years I played just because he felt bad for me.
7. I am not great with preschoolers....lets leave it at that.
8. I have a problem with follow through.
9. I also procrastinate a good bit.
10. Organization.....nope not my strong suit

I guess you get the picture.

So just for my own benefit I am going to remind myself about the things I am good at.

1. I am a great mother. I do this well. I had a great example in my mom and have an awesome partner in my husband. Not saying there aren't days when I want to pull my hair out. But I enjoy being a mom. I love it!
2. I am a godly wife.
3. I am good with kids.
4. I am a good friend.
5. I am a good sister.
6. I love to lead people into the Lords presence through worship.
7. I can sing.
8. I can play the piano.
9. I am learning to play the guitar.
10. I can teach.
11. I love to read.
12. I love to write.
13. Puzzles! I am great at puzzles.
14. Also pretty good at dialoging in movie quotes.
15. Picking up some skills as a handy-lady.
16. Most importantly....I am a child of God.

Stupid Stupid Stupid

2010-02-28T17:24:00.003-05:00

I got this email today from a friend and I just had to share. Hope you enjoy. And thanks J.G. for the laugh.

Just think these might just really be true.......... Read and laugh or weep!!

Isn't it a shame that Stupid is not painful?!?!?

How do these people survive?

ONE
Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets.
I asked for a half dozen nuggets.
'We don't have half dozen nuggets,' said the teenager at the counter.
'You don't?' I replied.
'We only have six, nine, or twelve,' was the reply.
'So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?'
'That's right.'
So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets
(Unbelievable but sadly true...)

TWO
I was checking out at the local Walmart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those 'dividers' that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed.
After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the 'divider', looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it.
Not finding the bar code, she said to me, 'Do you know how much this is?'
I said to her 'I've changed my mind; I don't think I'll buy that today.'
She said 'OK,' and I paid her for the things and left.
She had no clue to what had just happened.

THREE
A woman at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly.
When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM 'thingy.'
(keep shuddering!!)

FOUR
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. 'Do you need some help?' I asked.
She replied, 'I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?'
'Hmmm, I don't know. Do you have an alarm, too?' I asked.
'No, just this remote thingy,' she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, 'Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk....'
PLEASE just lay down before you hurt yourself !!!

FIVE
Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, 'I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?' 'Just use paper from the photocopier', the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five 'blank' copies.
Brunette, by the way!!

SIX
A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid had eaten ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and he should be fine, the mother says, 'I just gave him some ant killer......'
Dispatcher: 'Rush him in to emergency!'

Life is tough. It's even tougher if you're stupid!!!!

A Completely Pointless Post

2010-02-26T09:56:00.002-05:00

The past few weeks have beeen busier than I like. The bathroom remodel is taking most of my time and it has been taking longer than I anticipated. But it looks like we are within a week or so of being finished...(crossing my fingers). The hardest part has been the fact that my house is a disaster area. It is disorganized and dusty from the sheetrock. I have a sink in the living room and supplies everywhere. I will be glad when it is all done and I can do some deep cleaning and organizing.

Add that to the fact that my Olympic obsession has cut my nights short. I can't seem to help myself. And going to bed after midnight is catching up with me. Yawn!!!

So I guess I need to get busy and get something done today.

A Moment of Levity.....

2010-02-25T11:18:00.001-05:00

just some fun from my ultra talented brother and his friend. Enjoy!

Ping Pong Ball Boys

2010-02-25T10:01:00.004-05:00

I have no idea why my sons are bouncing off the walls today but they are. Seriously they are running into each other and hopping from room to room and giggling and skipping. Wow! Gonna be a long day.

***Update****

I was listening to my little guys and they kept singing "Prices on the ground, prices on the ground and spinning around. They were cracking themselves up. So I looked up what they were saying and found this. They think this is hilarious and to be honest I find it comical that 2 grown men would allow cameras to film them acting this way.

Snow Fun

2010-02-16T18:06:00.003-05:00

Me in the hunting lodge

Me sweet hubby & I

me and a huge Kodiak bear

the view from our bedroom window

My little snow bunnies

This post is to prove that we do in fact exist. Now there is picture proof.
And just in case you were wondering.....the pictures posted backwards. The kiddos were supposed to be first. I promise....I am not vain enough to post a pic of myself first...hahaha

Back to normal life

2010-02-15T11:34:00.003-05:00

This past weekend my mother in law, my hubby, my sweet little boys and I went to visit family in the Atlanta area. It was like one of those weekends when the stars align and everything in the universe line up to give you an amazing time. I believe that God worked it all out for us. We left Friday morning and traveled north. By the time we had been on the road for an hour we were driving through snow. The boys started flipping out. All they talked about was playing in the snow when we arrived at our destination. By the time we got there the snow was 6 inches on the ground and beautiful. The boys baled out of the car and started a snow ball fight. It was great. I won't bore you with more snow details since I realize that so many people got to see snow this weekend. But we had a blast! By the next afternoon most of it had melted but we were so blessed to have been up there on that exact day. Such a God Thing!! My hubby took my camera today to show his buddies pics of the snow so I will post later this week with pics.

So today we are back home and back in the swing of things.

Iron Man

2010-02-10T23:50:00.002-05:00

A few months ago I was flipping channels and ran across the Iron Man competition in Hawaii. I was totally floored as I watched people of various ages and physical conditions run this grueling race. There was a man that was over 70 years old and an young man with no legs. I could go on and on. Anyway I decided that I would like to run the Iron Man one day before I die. (here is to hoping and praying for a very long window of opportunity) So this thought has been in my head and I keep telling myself that I will follow through with this. Except for a couple of snags. I am a terrible swimmer. And when I say terrible I mean I can't swim very well at all. I look like a dog that didn't pay attention the day God was instrusting all dogs on how to swim. Yes, it is that bad. Snag #2 is that I haven't ridden a bicycle in about 18 years. Not even sure if I could balance on one at this point. But the biggest snag is that I HATE running. I wish I liked running but I don't. So while I have this grand idea of running and even finishing the Iron Man I realize that I will have to become a pod person or something to achieve this lofty goal.

Maybe my first goal should be to actually exercise at least a little bit every day. Because right now its not happening. Not unless you count playing the Wii Fit with the kids.

I said all of that to say that I was blog surfing this evening and almost half of the blogs that were "randomly" brought up were of people who are cyclists, runners, mountain climbers, etc. So I am rethinking my Iron Man idea.

Maybe a great life goal would be to try as many different types of cheesecake as I can. That sounds yummy!

A Little Late To The Party

2010-02-08T22:41:00.003-05:00

My brother mentioned a couple of years ago that he thought we (hubby & I) would like the show 24. I have learned over the years that me and my brother have very different tastes in movies and television. So when he told us about it we blew him off. He just kept on and on about it though. So recently my dad mentioned that he had started watching them too. He had the seasons on DVD and offered to loan them to us. Well, that has started an obsession for me and hubby. We stay up way too late watching 4 & 5 episodes a night. We can't seem to help ourselves. I realize that everyone else out there already knows about the phenomenon that is "24" but I have been busy being a momma to 2 small boys so I am a little late to the party. We will be starting season 4 this week. So here is to not getting enough sleep and finally finding something that the hubby & I both want to watch together.

Fail Us Not

2010-02-04T18:30:00.001-05:00

I heard this song several months ago when I was having a tough time with some things. I LOVE the words and the tune stays with you all day. It is such a wonderful declaration of all that God is and is willing to do.

Brain Overload

2010-02-04T18:19:00.002-05:00

We all know that it has been a while since I have blogged regularly. Well during that time I had to deprogram my brain. I was used to sitting down and typing out my thoughts and feelings. When that stopped it was like putting my brain in a detox rehab program. And now that I have that outlet again my brain is on overdrive all the time. Seriously I could post 2 or 3 blogs a day right now. They may not be humorous, informative or even coherent but that is besides the point. My thoughts are swirling about so much. What is going on....what I am learning....things with my two sons....stuff with the hubby.....things at church......projects....I could go on and on. So with that said I want to just warn anyone reading that if you decide it is just too much to handle, that is okay. I am writing it for my benefit anyway.

So glad to be back!

Martha Vila Jr.

2010-02-04T11:05:00.002-05:00

My brother nicknamed our mom Martha Vila several years ago because of her ability to decorate a home, cook a fine meal, and her love of power tools. She is handy no matter what you need. Need a new dress? She can sew it. Need a new haircut? She can cut it. Want a yummy cake? She can bake it. Hungry for a scrumptios meal? She can cook it. Want a new bedroom set? She can build it. So my brother, who is quite funny and witty, decided to name her Martha Vila (Martha Stewart & Bob Vila hybrid). It has been a family joke for quite some time now.

Growin up I always thought that I was alot like my mom. But the older I get the more I realize that I am very different in alot of ways. My mother is a very detailed and observant person. I am not. My mom put a new picture in her bathroom several months ago. When I commented about it she told me that it had been in there for over a month. Oops! My mother enjoys planning and seeing every detail carried through. I do not. Tell me what to do and I will do it but please do not ask me to plan it. She likes things done right away. I am more than willing to let things rest until I am ready to do them. She likes everything precise and in its place. I want things tidy but there isn't really any rhyme or reason to where things end up. My mom never let us put stickers on anything in our home. Well...I have to say I agree a little bit with that one but I didn't really communicate it to my boys so now their windows are covered in tractor stickers. So needless to say she and I are different in many ways.

BUT I have discovered something we have in common ( besides our love for our families and the Lord). I love home improvement stores!!!! I love the smell of lumber and glue and paint. I love the sound a saw makes and the feel of power when I am using it. I am not knowledgable at all but I am learning. I like to use my hands and see something accomplished. Even right now I am typing with a bumb finger. I hit it numerous times yesterday while building a wall. It is discolored and it hurts. And yes, I said that I built a wall. It isn't a big wall. But it is a wall. I built it and put in our bathroom. I even leveled it and nailed it to the floor and adjacent wall. It is sturdy and looks good. So I am therefore naming myself "Martha Vila Jr. in training". My mom and I will be finishing out the bathroom with sheetrock and trim work and tile. We are refinishing a vanity and a linen cabinet. I am so excited to be doing it all. And I will be even happier when it is all completed and we have our 2nd bathroom back up and running.

So, I am off to put in some flooring!!!

Some Plans....

2010-02-02T10:13:00.002-05:00

The hubby & I will be celebrating our 10th wedding anniversary this year. And we thought that renewing our vows would be a great way to celebrate. After all as I look back over the past 10 years I realize that we had absolutley no idea what we were saying the first time around. We were naive and so focused on the party afterward that we weren't really putting as much focus on the vows we made before God and everybody as we should have. We knew there would be good times, and just knew that the "bad times" they mentioned were for someone else. We were banking on the "healthy" part and were hoping to avoid the "sickness". And most definitely we were focusing on the "richer" part. Well after nearly a decade of marriage I have realized that you have to take the good with the bad, there will be sickness and health, and we are still waiting on the richer part. The important thing is that we are together, we are more in love with each other than ever before. We have finally grown into our relationship. We have moved past the "I" and now are a "we". I want to look into my husbands eyes and say our vows again, this time knowing and understanding what we are committing to. Will it mean that we won't have issues and problems? Nope, but it will a reminder that we are together because we choose to be and because of that we will choose to work out whatever needs to be worked out.

Our anniversary is still a few months away but I just wanted to mention it today. I also wanted to mention that I am on a quest to lose 20 pounds before our anniversary. I want to look beautiful and feel beautiful. And right now neither of those is happening......My mom told me yesterday (in a loving motherly way) that I needed a make-over. Ouch! She wasn't being mean or anything. I think she just was mentioning that I am not living up to my potential in the beauty department. So I will be starting a new "lifestyle change" I guess.

Now I need to go clean my house. Seriously, it is not a pretty sight today.

Momzilla on the loose!!!

2010-02-01T11:46:00.002-05:00

I woke up this morning and the sun was hiding, my kids were whining, my hair just would not do right. My pants are too tight, I have over plucked one eyebrow, my house looks like a bomb went off. Did I mention that the sun is hiding?
If there were a soundtrack playing in the background it might sound like the theme from Jaws with a little pirate garble thrown in for effect.
I have no reason to feel ticked off, but I do. I am not homeless, I am not hungry, I am not thirsty, I have enough clothes, even if they don't fit right now because of the over abundance of food in my house, I am not cold....we have electricity and heat. I am not struggling to pay bills on my own while having to be mom and dad to my two sons. I am not worrying about a loved one that is fighting a war so far away. I am not having to beat the pavement looking for a job. I don't have to borrow money to pay my bills or ride public transportation. So what is my problem? I think it is because I woke up this morning like so many other mornings.....feeling so selfish and self-centered that it makes it almost impossible to see things the way God does. The Word of God says that we must renew our minds. It doesn't just happen. It also says what things to dwell on. So here they are:
Whatever is true
Whatever is worthy of reverance
Whatever is honorable and seemly
Whatever is just
Whatever is pure
Whatever is lovely and lovable
Whatever is kind
Whatever is winsome
Whatever is gracious
Whatever is virtuous
Whatever is excellent
Whatever is worthy of praise
Think on and weigh and take account of these things!

So basically I haven't been thinking on the right things. I have so much to be thankful for, so many blessings are mine. Will things always be perfect? No, but I know the Perfector! And He says He will perfect and finish what He has begun. I know it to be true from looking back over my life. Now if I can just stand on that.

The sun may not be shining but its okay, because the Son of God outshines it all anyway.

I Caved!

2010-01-20T00:08:00.002-05:00

So the hubby and I caved in and reconnected the internet. No bells and whistles but it will do. We both finally admitted to each other that we missed it. Hey! Did anyone else know that it takes almost 50 cents now to mail a bill? Yeah, you do that enough times during the month and you can pay for internet service.

So I will be back to blogging. I have missed it so much. So much to tell....or not to tell.

I am still quite ambivalent about Facebook. I have not missed it and so I have decided to not "reconnect". The media world is saying that you can't really be living unless people can get a hold of you 24 hours a day and if you are not posting something about yourself every five minutes. Well those people must have more time and much more interesting lives than I do. I will relish these "slow" days for a while longer, thank you. Our oldest son starts tee ball and school this year so my pace of life will be speeding up all by itself. No need to do rush it.

Gotta go. I am up way to late on this thing already.

Am I missing anything?

2009-12-08T11:04:00.002-05:00

So we have been without satellite, internet and a home phone for almost 3 months now. I have to admit that I miss being able to talk on the phone in my own house and not have to repeat everything twice on account of poor cell phone reception. I also miss blogging. I think that has been the biggest change for me. I can do without TV. I have gotten so much done around my house. Currently we are at the beginning stages of a major bathroom remodel. Yippee!! We also repainted all the windows of our house and installed shutters. We did major yard work too. So there has been some very tangible results of my not having TV to sap my time and energy away. I also have read some great books. But I have missed blogging sooooo much. It was my outlet, my attempt at humor, my search for validation. I don't know if anyone read it or not but it made me feel like I was conributing something. Perhaps I should journal or as my mom suggested blog it out at home on the computer and then upload it as I have a chance. We will see.

I must say that the thing I have missed the least is Facebook. I thought I just had to have it....I knew that I would have a complete "freak out" because I wouldn't know what all my friends were doing every single second of their day. I was wrong. I have enjoyed the not knowing. Don't get me wrong...I miss being able to talk to my close friends more easily but freedom from the "I have to check it a billion times a day" has been liberating. Not saying that it wouldn't be easy to fall right back into it given the opportunity. You all know how that goes. ;)

Things at our house have been pretty good. No real complaints. My baby just turned 3 last week. Talk about making me feel old. I look into his beautiful eyes and I can still see that little newborn that loved his momma above every other person. Now he is getting to big and independent. It breaks my heart a little.

Our oldest asked Jesus into his heart last weekend. There is no greater feeling than knowing that your child loves the Lord and desires a relationship with Him. There is still much to teach him but it is the beginning. The look on his face that night will forever be etched in my memory and in my heart. He will turn 5 in a few weeks. Ok, enough about that before I start crying.

I hope to blog more but there are no promises. I still have to trek to a computer with internet access to do so.

Merry Christmas!!